Page 52 of The Payback Plan
Bloody hell. Likethatwas an excuse.God, was she in full Stockholm syndrome? What the hell would her co-conspirators think of her going soft on Oliver Prendergast?
On the flip side, maybe hearing some half-ass justification was just what she needed to keep the fiery rage burning? And maybe getting to the bottom of it all would help Bella.
Maybe it would helpher.
Holding his gaze she asked the question she’d been grappling with since meeting Oliver a month ago. ‘Why? Why did you run out on her like that? All dressed up on the most important day of her life? That’s pretty damn unforgiveable.’
If he’d been acting like a total horndog since the jilting, freed from an obligation he no longer wanted, she might understand why he ran – well, she wouldn’t but she could draw a line from one to the other – but the man was a damn recluse!
He sighed heavily as he stared into the depths of his coffee and, for a moment, Paige thought he might decline to answer but then those blue Prendergast eyes found her again.
‘Because I didn’t love her enough. And that just wasn’t fair to her.’
Okay, well… there was nothing half-ass about that. But still, not forgivable. ‘And you decide this on themorning of your wedding?’
‘I’d been feeling… uneasy about it for a while but we spent so much time apart, her living on the East Coast, me on the West and I just put it down to that, kept telling myself once it was all official, I’d feel differently. But…’
He didn’t say anything for long,longmoments and Paige grew impatient, her eyebrow kicking up. ‘But?’ she demanded.
‘It was D Day and I was there in my monkey suit getting ready and I realised I couldn’t keep kicking this uneasy feeling down the road. The wedding was only a few hours away and I had to face it – I didn’t love her enough.’
A bubble of rage rose in Paige’s chest on Bella’s behalf. ‘Why in the hell did you propose to her if that was the case?’
He shrugged. ‘My father had just died. It put me in a spin and she was there as always to steady the ship. And I was… grateful for that. For her. It felt like exactly the right thing to do at the time but…’
‘You didn’t love her enough,’ Paige mimicked, her lip curling distastefully. What was he? Five years old? Love was serious business, not something from fairy tales.
‘I realised I couldn’t use her as some kind of emotional crutch. That wasn’t fair to her. My father never loved my mother enough and it damaged her deep down for a very long time. Sure, she has a flashy life with a lot of friends and things to do to feel good about herself but I think she’sstilldamaged by his inability to love her the way she craved.’
Paige remembered the things he’d written about his mother in the pages she’d already read. About her feeling passed over and too afraid to become emotionally dependent on a husband who only really loved himself. Especially at the expense of her own self-worth.
‘My mother deserved better than that,’ Oliver continued. ‘So does Bella. She’s amazing and she should be with someone who loves her with every fibre of his being. Whose entire existence is predicated on her happiness. Who wakes up every morning just to see her face. She should be loved to distraction.’
Paige cut off the sigh that rose in her throat. Belladiddeserve that. So did every woman. So didshe.
‘And there is that person out there for her,’ he continued, ‘it’s just not me. I loved Bella but not in the way she should be loved. Which is what I finally faced on the morning of our wedding and I’m sorrier than she will ever know that I didn’t have the guts to face it earlier but standing there in my suit, I knew I couldn’t go through with it. Stand at that altar and lie to her like my father had lied to my mother.’
Jesus…
Paige shook her head. Parents could really screw a kid up.
The bubble of rage slowly deflated but Paige clung to it anyway. She didn’t want to be affected by the admission. Didn’t want to see that while his timing had been terrible, his reasons had been sensible. Noble even. Didn’t want to have this heavy ache for him in her heart right now.
But,more than that, she hated that he was comparing himself to his dad. ‘You’re not your father, Oliver.’
She said it gently and meant it and then felt guilty about meaning it but it was the truth. She might never have met the famous actor but she’d glimpsed enough in Oliver’s writing to know that Roger Prendergast was a narcissist. A benign one, sure, but his singular love for himself still had consequences for others.
In opening his place to her and a hamster and a stray dog, Oliver had shown a selflessness his father had never possessed.
‘No.’ He nodded. ‘I’m not. And had the wedding gone ahead I would have been a very good husband and I’m sure we’d have had a verynicelife. But Bella’s bloody smart and at some point, she’d have worked it out and I would never want to hurt her like that.’
‘Why didn’t you tell her any of this instead of running?’
‘On the day, I was in a panic. I knew I had to get away or I’d chicken out and end up doing the’ – his lips twisted as he performed air quotes – ‘right thing. Going through with it so we could all save face. So I texted her, switched off my phone and got the hell out of Dodge. It was not my finest moment.’
Paige blinked. ‘Ya think?’ She may be able to empathise with the quandary Oliver found himself in but text dumping her really was unforgiveable.
‘When I switched my phone on later that day there were a dozen missed calls from her so I called her back but she didn’t answer and she dodged my calls for two weeks and eventually texted to tell me to stop trying to contact her, she needed space. So I did. After all I’d done I had to respect that. And I left for the UK because the goddamn press was all over me. When she finally did call I tried to explain but she said it didn’t matter, that it was all sorted now and sheneverwanted to discuss what had happened again.’
