Page 62 of Lucy
“I’m not asking you to remember it. I’m asking you to try a new one with me. My last…relationship was intense and I’m detoxing from it.”
“I thought that word wasn’t in your vocabulary?” I teased.
“Shut up.” There was that sexy smile of hers. I can’t lie and say nerves weren’t getting the best of me when I thought about being in a relationship or even working toward one.
“I’m damaged goods, Lucy,” I confessed, hesitation heavy in my voice.
“Me too. We’re both damaged. I get it though…if you don’t want to be with me, it’s cool.” It wasn’t cool I could read her now and I read between the lines. She was hurt. I hurt her feelings and I felt like shit.
“Lucy, that’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you saying, Hush?”
“Can you please call me Chase?” I begged, holding her hands in mine. I knew since I hurt her feelings she was trying to hurt mine. Can’t say that I didn’t deserve it. “I’m saying that…I’m scared. Lucy, you’re wild. I’m wild. That can’t be good.” I kept putting my foot in my mouth. I knew Lucy was the perfect fit for me.
I felt it in my bones.
It still scared the fuck out of me.
“Who said it had to be good?” She shrugged. She was right. Who said it had to be good? “You’re thinking about society and their definition of good and bad, Chase. I’m not one to go along with society. In fact, my entire existence is a middle finger to society.
If you knew the shit I’ve been through you’d understand. I don’t care about how I look. I do care about you…I’m not going to push and beg though.”
“You never have to beg me for anything. I’ll give it all to you.”
“So what does that mean?” She asked. I couldn’t keep my fingers out of her hair or my hand off her perfect ass.
“You’re mine, Lucy Waters. Now, can you tell me what you went through that makes you such a societal fuck up?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
“Later? Nah, that’s not gonna work.” I picked her up like she weighed nothing, and sat her on top of me. My dick jerked at her presence. I dragged my fingers down her stomach then rested my hands on her hips.
“You’ll think I’m disgusting.” She looked away from me, letting her long hair blanket the side of her face.
“Disgusting? Nah. Lucy, whatever it is you can tell me.” She sat there, on top of me, looking like some sort of flower child goddess with long, soft waves covering her breasts. I wanted to take her picture right then.
Not because she was beautiful but because she was unsure. She was scared and vulnerable and Lucy didn’t ever look that way. “I had an abortion,” she blurted. My heart ached for her. “Would have been twins. Just like me and Nora.” I rolled over and she fell to the bed. Her sad eyes were full of shimmering tears.
“I don’t think you’re disgusting because you had an abortion, Lucy. You did what you felt was best.”
“The babies were Abel’s.” Suddenly we were in a vacuum and everything else ceased to exist except for Lucy and me and the bomb she just dropped.
Abel’s babies?
“Your brother?”
“Yes…” She refused to look at me. Her face was painted with the brightest shade of embarrassment and shame. I didn’t know what to say. I needed more details before I could say anything.
“Lucy, not to pry but something like this needs elaboration. Did he molest you as a kid or something? I need context, darling.”
“No. Fuck no. Abel would never. It was consensual. I came on to him first. I was sixteen and I wouldn’t leave him alone. I was always on his lap. I was always at his house, in his bed. We played around a lot and I knew it was inappropriate. I knew I shouldn’t have been turned on while I wrestled with him or when he hugged me or when he got out of the shower and walked past my room. I was though.”
She wiped the rolling tears from her cheeks and I sat listening. I couldn’t do anything else. I needed to hear every word of her story. It was a part of her. It was the reason for the sadness that always lurked behind every smile she gave.
“When Nora and I turned eighteen, she snuck off with her boyfriend after Mom and Dad went to sleep. I stayed up with Abel. He brought us a bottle of Jack Daniels and we took turns getting shitfaced.
That was the night I lost my virginity. We never looked back. I was with him every chance I got. I chased off his girlfriends until he got pissed and fucked me like he hated me…but he didn’t hate me. He loved me.
