Page 30 of Tortured Whispers
“We have to behave though,” she said like she hated the thought.
“We do,” I agreed. She stared at the way my seed decorated her.
“I made you…cum that hawd?”
Fucking Christ, did she have to sound like that? She hated it but it did things to my mind. It did things to my heart.
“Yes,” I held my head down. If I looked at her…if I looked into those eyes, I would lose whatever sanity I was holding on to. “You do all kinds of shit to me, Brook.”
“You do stuff to me too, Cease.” I stole a glance at her and she put her hand between her thighs then held it out so I could see her glistening arousal, slick and wet all over her fingers.
“Goddammit, this is wrong,” I growled. “We need to go to sleep before I do something I can’t take back.” My tongue wanted to lick every trace of her sweet pussy off those wet fingers but I couldn’t get the taste of her in my mouth. I’d be hungry for her forever if I did.
Anger and frustration swelled inside of me until, in a burst of energy, I slammed my fist against the wall leaving a dent in the drywall.
Brook’s eyes flashed hurt before she hopped off the counter and quietly moved into the bedroom. When I heard the shower start, I walked into the bedroom too. I pushed out a breath and fell over on the bed.
I prayed I didn’t hurt her feelings. I hoped I wasn’t too harsh. I needed to get away from her though. She was pulling me into something so dark I knew I’d never be able to return from it.
Though, to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t say that it was all her doing.
I wanted her too.
I wanted everything about her. Even the parts she deemed too ugly for societal consumption made my mouth water with the need to devour her.
I wanted to protect her and keep her close to me. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was—show her how beautiful she was. I wanted to teach her things nobody else could. Things about herself and life. I wanted to teach her how to be happy.
**
Brooklyn…
In one moment I went from feeling euphorically happy to feeling tortured and confused. It wasn’t like I didn’t know that stroking Cease’s dick was wrong but in the moment it felt so right. It felt like everything we both needed, and the relief I felt when I came from his hand was unbelievable.
It felt like I was flying.
I hated the way he ended things though. He seemed so angry and regret tainted his tone. I did what I do best…retreat.
I snuck a razor into the shower with me and stood, staring at it in between my fingers. I stared so long I started to shake. I told Caesar I wouldn’t cut. I promised.
I felt like shit though. I was standing in the shower feeling like I would slip off the edge and into the ocean at any moment. Thick, dark clouds pushed me closer like a raging thunderstorm egging me on.
I needed to cut.
Caesar would be mad at me but he was already upset at what we did. I saw his pained face in my head and tears blurred my vision. I pushed my soaked hair away from my forehead and wiped my eyes. I couldn’t tell my tears from the shower water anymore.
My skin hummed with anxiety. It was thick and coating every part of me no matter how hot the shower water was. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that cutting was bad.
Caesar didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about him. He regretted what happened between us and why wouldn’t he? Why would he want someone with thoughts as sick and tortured as mine? I was vile and he needed someone who wasn’t me.
I winced as the tip of the razor drew blood from high on my forearm. I pressed deeper and a shaky breath flew from my mouth. Relief. Pain. Throbbing fucking pain. Dense ribbons of blood streamed down my arm coating the old scars, breathing life into them.
Shut your eyes, Brooklyn.
Don’t watch the blood run.
I had to though. I had to be present for every moment of pain because it forced me to focus on something other than the cavernous hollow where my heart used to beat.
Hot water splashed my newest cut and it stung. I didn’t hate the way it made me feel though. It was such a strange mixture of emotions that surged through me. More proof that I was fucked in the head.
