Page 27 of Honey Sugar
“I notice you’re throwing curse words around a lot today.”
“You’re a bad influence,” she said. When Ivy laid flat on her back, I trained my eyes on the television and not her eyes like I wanted. Staring at her would be too much. Sometimes I wanted to see what I could find in those eyes of hers though. She always hid how she really felt. I wanted her to open up to me. I’d shine on her petals if only she’d bloom. She knew she could trust me though so I didn’t push. We’d always been close and that would never change.
Mindless TV filled in the gaps between Ivy and me.
I knew she wanted to say something but I couldn’t force it out of her. Something in the air around her was dense though. “Can I ask you a question, Titan?” She sat up and faced me. I looked into her eyes. They were oceans of hidden emotions she was too afraid to let out.
“What’s up?” I sat up too and I noticed her studying my eyes. I wondered what she saw in them.
Villain or superhero?
“When I took off my shirt and you said you’d seen plenty of girls…how many?” My stare flicked to the way she rubbed her ear then back to her eyes. They were impossibly green right then. Like the sky before a tornado.
What storms are brewing behind those eyes, Ivy?
“You want my body count?” I laughed. “You wanna know how many girls I’ve fucked?”
She showed no mercy on her earlobe.
“I guess.”
“I don’t know, Ivy. I lost count a couple years ago.” Saying that out loud made me sound like the worst kind of asshole. It was true though. I always had some girl willing to bend over for me and I took advantage of the perks.
“Wow. Aren’t you a whore?” She laughed but her words sounded pointed.
“It’s not something I’m proud of but it is what it is. Can’t go back and change the past. Now, if you asked me how many girlfriends I’ve had, that answer would be different.”
Reluctantly, she looked at me. Her folded arms guarded her chest like Fort Knox. I thought she looked cute though. It reminded me of the way she’d look when she pretended to be mad at me as kids. I wasn’t fooled by that shit.
“How many girlfriends have you had?”
“Three.”
Silence slipped between us.
“That’s all?”
“That’s all. I don’t get serious about women too often.” I’d answered her questions but it made my mind teem with curiosity about her. How many guys had my little cousin been with? “What about you?” I asked, tipping my chin up slightly.
“Me? Oh…seven.”
“Boyfriends? Shit. I’m slacking,” I laughed and she cracked a small smile. “So you’ve had a man every year since I stopped coming out here for the summer.”
“Yeah, that’s accurate. I broke up with my last boyfriend this past summer. We graduated and he went away to school. There was no point in us staying together.” She didn’t look too sad about it.
“Did you love him?” I asked. I found myself far too invested in her answer.
“No. I don’t think so. I think you know when you love someone. The fact that I don’t know kinda speaks for itself.”
“You don’t seem like you get too close to people, Ivy.”
“I don’t,” she said.
“Then why all the boyfriends?”
“Something to do. Somewhere to go after Honey Sugar closed and I didn’t want to come home and suffocate under the burden of…everything.”
I don’t know which one of us cut the TV off or when it happened but the screen was black. The clock on Ivy’s wall kept track of how many seconds went by without us speaking.
