Page 71 of Honey Sugar
“She was still your mama. All I can tell you is to expect the pain and the confusion to come…but when it wants to leave don’t hold on to it.”
“What am I supposed to do when you leave? I can’t stay attached to you all the time.”
“You’re going to get stronger and get better. So am I. I’m not perfect and I need to work through my shit too. We’ll do it together.”
“You’re still mad at me…aren’t you?” I looked into his eyes finally and I still saw residual ribbons of anger in his irises like black silk. It burned and scraped me bloody.
“Fuck yeah, I’m mad at you. You don’t need to hear that right now though because you already know. What you need to hear is that in spite of how pissed I am…I’m still here. I love you. I’m not going anywhere and I’ll still stay awake to chase away the nightmares while you sleep. Okay?” I rolled my lips between my teeth and nodded. I kept the tears at bay because I’d done enough crying. It was time to stand up. Even if I fell back down, I had to start somewhere.
When the psychiatrist came in, I talked to him in detail about what pushed me to the point of taking so many pills. That meant I had to open up about the two feelings dueling inside of my heart. I had to unstitch my soul and show it to someone other than Titan. It hurt. It was uncomfortable but it helped.
I slept a little easier and only had a few nightmares. Every time I opened my eyes, drowsy and confused about where I was, I looked for him and he was there. Titan’s long legs were stretched out in front of himself, crossed at the ankles with the remote stretching from my bed to his hand while he flipped through the channels. He stayed awake to chase away my nightmares like he said he would.
My superhero.
I settled back down in bed and went back to sleep without any more bad dreams. The rest of my dreams were about Titan and the way he effortlessly slayed the demons trying to eat me alive. In some of the dreams he saved me from the demons and in others, he showed me how to save myself.
Morning came quickly and I was exhausted from being poked and prodded every hour. I was ready to go home and I was itching to open Honey Sugar. “I see the look in your eyes. No,” Titan said. His words were firm and unyielding making me pout.
“No what?”
“You can’t leave the hospital and go open up the sweet shop. Not fucking happening.” He stood up and stretched his hands over his head then walked over to me. I traced the tattoos on his forearms and let my fingers climb up his strong arms.
“You think I’ll leave today?” I asked him, my voice full of hope.
“I hope so. Let’s see what the doctors say.” He gave my hand a squeeze then kissed the back of it. “I can hear your brain working, baby girl. Honey Sugar won’t die if it doesn’t open for one day. I’ll put the word out to the customers on our Facebook page and let them know you had an emergency.” Titan was a breath of fresh air sometimes, I swear. I still hated not being in the sweet shop. The only thing my mind would think of was how much money I was letting slip away.
“Titan, can you go please?” I asked, sitting up. I felt much better but I knew I’d be waiting around all day getting looked at, talked to, and lectured. By the time I got out of the hospital, half the day would have gone by.
“I want to stay here with you,” he frowned. This time when I looked into his eyes, I didn’t see anger or fear but there was plenty of concern. It creased the space between his thick brows.
“I know, but we can’t let Honey Sugar go unopened.”
“We can. It won’t blow up, Ivy.”
“Please, Titan. The candies aren’t poured or anything but you can do it really quickly if you leave now.” I knew he was cursing me out in his mind but he grit his teeth and gave in once I batted my lashes at him.
“Alright but I’m closing up early. You’re not talking me out of it, understand?”
“Yes, sir,” I purred a little more than I meant to and it made him smirk. My body pulsed with the thought of everything I wanted to do to him once I was out of the goddamn hospital. I wanted to show him how much I appreciated the way he cared about me.
“Yeah, keep that shit up and your welcome home celebration is going to go a lot different than I planned.” He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine slowly. My body hummed a song dedicated solely to Titan.
When he pulled away from my mouth, I yanked him back down. “I missed these lips,” I told him.
“Oh yeah?” He looked toward the door before sliding his warm hand up my thigh. His hands were rough but god it felt so good against my soft skin. “I missed your lips too.” His fingers grazed my pussy lips and I ached. My throat turned to cotton when he pulled his hand away and smiled at me. He knew that smile set me on fire. He also knew it pissed me off because he was messing with me on purpose.
He lifted his fingers to his nose and took a deep inhale like he was sniffing a rose with the prettiest petals. I wondered if that’s what I smelled like to him.
“Do I smell good?” I asked him. A smile played between my words and rested on my lips.
“Better than any candy in Honey Sugar, baby girl.” He winked then walked to the door. “I’ll text you when I get the store open.” I nodded and blew a kiss at him. He paused and I saw a flash of pain in his black eyes. That’s when I remembered Aunt Sarah always blowing him a kiss goodbye when she dropped him off at our house for the summer. “I love you, Ivy.”
“I love you too Titan.”
I felt horrible when he closed the door. Losing his mother was still a fresh wound on his heart the same way it was on mine. Titan wasn’t trying to kill himself though. He was trying to avenge his mother. He was trying to set things right.
The only way to avenge my mother would be to make Honey Sugar what I knew it could be and keep Daddy away from it. I had to make it to my eighteenth birthday to do that properly though. Luckily for me, Daddy was too worried about getting high to realize I was still a minor, which meant that he could oversee Honey Sugar and the house until I was a legal adult. I wasn’t going to remind him either.
