Page 80 of Honey Sugar
Bear had inherited pull. I didn’t know his whole story but I knew enough to know that he was grandfathered into the drug game. He had an entire arsenal of men at his command. He had cops in his pocket. He had means that I didn’t know about and didn’twantto know about. I stayed out of his way.
“He does. I still want to get this shit out of the way,” I told Ivy.
“Are you worried about Mario finding out?” She slowed her chewing to eye me curiously.
“Nah. Mario is too caught up in himself to think about anything like that. He thinks he has the upper hand on me.” I shook my head at the absurdity of it all and ate my food.
“Please be careful. I swear if something happens to you I don’t know what the fuck I’ll do.” She stopped chewing to look at me. Her eyes shimmered a little but she blinked the swelling emotions back and looked down at her hands. The puncture sites where she had IV’s running into her arms were exclamation points against her honey skin. I skimmed the pad of my thumb over one and shook my head.
I came so fucking close to losing her.
I wasn’t going to let her lose me.
“We’re too close to having everything we want, Ivy. Fuck that. I’m not getting killed. Neither are you. Play your role in all of this, okay? Bear has guys looking out for you.”
“Me?” She placed a hand on her chest.
“Yeah. You, baby girl. He asked me if you were my cousin…and my girl.” I cleared my throat because the room suddenly felt too restrictive.
“He asked you that?” She paused in mid-chew.
“Yeah. I don’t know how he figured it out but he knows.”
“Is he going to say anything? Do you think he’s the type of person to hold things over people’s heads?”
“Calm down. I was a little tense over it too but there’s nothing we can do about it now. We have to get this shit with Mario out of the way first, then we can worry about who knows about us and what that means.”
“I think about that a lot,” Ivy said quietly. She finished her last bite of toast then set the empty plate on the nightstand before walking over to the dresser and finding a shirt to put on.
“About us?”
“Yeah. About us. About people finding out and what they’ll say. It’s easy for me to say I don’t care while it’s me and you holed up in our little bubble, Titan. The inevitability of us is that people are going to be drawn in. They’re going to have questions eventually. And what if we have kids?” Worry and anxiety came rushing out of Ivy in waves. At first, they soaked me and washed me away. I thought about those things too but I stuffed them in the back of my mind because my main focus was killing Mario. I knew I’d have to address all the things she mentioned and more. I was hiding from it though.
I looked at Ivy’s pretty face and the single dimple in the middle of her chin. I looked at her bright eyes that always stopped me dead in my tracks even as a kid. I knew I had to handle every blow thrown at me for being in love with my little cousin.
She was too perfect to lose. She was my world wrapped in a green-eyed, spiral curled, dimpled-chin package. I inhaled and said, “We’ll deal with everything as it comes. Some people are going to look the other way and some people are going to condemn us. A few people will understand that when love hits you it hits you. Regardless of those people, we’re still going to be together. We’ve gone through too much hell. So fuck ‘em.” I shrugged.
“Fuck ‘em?” A small smile worked its way onto her face.
“Yeah. I’d take all the heat in the world for you…forus.” I motioned for her to come over and she sat on my lap. I kissed the back of her neck then moved to her shoulder.
“You never answered me when I asked you about us having a baby, Titan.” The way she said my name made my chest feel warmer than a shot of moonshine.
“If I get you pregnant…the only thing I’m worried about is how bad your cravings are going to be. You’re already greedy without being knocked up.”
“Oh my god, shut up!” She laughed then hit my arm. Once the soft tinkling sound her laughter died down she looked at me with her full lips pressed into a line and her gaze fixed to me. “What if something is wrong with the baby?” I saw the fear in her eyes for a child that hadn’t even been conceived yet and I already knew she’d be the best mother in the fucking world. It was probably fucked up but I wanted to give her a baby in the worst way.
“I think our kid would be okay, Ivy. Even if it wasn’t okay…we’d still be fine. Wouldn’t stop me from loving our child one way or another.” She still didn’t look convinced and I saw her balling her fingers against her palm in an effort not to pull on her earlobe. It was starting to scab over and I didn’t want her to fuck with it anymore. So, I tried to ease her worries the best way I could.
“Listen to me, if we have a baby and it’s…special we don’t have to have anymore if you don’t want to. I can’t promise you our child will be perfectly healthy, and I can’t promise you people won’t talk either. Icanpromise that I’ll love you forever and when we do have a kid…I’ll love them forever too. I can always promise you that.” I felt her body relax on top of me. Her shoulders unwound and her arms loosened.
“When the time is right I really want us to have a kid. I want to personify what our love means to me.” Her voice was still and hushed.
“Is that why you were so worried about something being wrong with our child? You feel like that’ll reflect on our love?”
Ivy gave me a slow nod in response. She tucked her full lips between her teeth and sniffled although no tears fell. “What if we have a child with special needs and people think it’s because we’re an abomination? I’m going to love our kid regardless. I’m going to protect him or her until my last breath but I swear if someone says something…”
“Fuck ‘em. If someone says something about an innocent life we created out of love then fuck ‘em. We can’t let other people’s opinions dictate what we do, baby girl. I’m damn sure not letting it affect my kid.” I already felt a sense of pride swelling in my chest thinking about my future child. It was weird. I welcomed it though.
