Page 12 of North
“She did it again, didn’t she?” He grumbled. “She fucking disappointed you and left me to…” He pushed out a long breath and shook his head. Mahogany waves framed his handsome, chiseled face. “I’m so sorry, North. You should be happy on your birthday. You’re a great kid.” The word stung like an arrow through my raw wounds. I didn’t want to be a kid in his eyes. “I’ll make it up to you. I swear.” His thumbs wiped away the salty drops of disappointment from my cheeks and I couldn’t help losing my breath.
I shut my eyes and absorbed the feel of him. Something crackled between us. He felt it too because when I opened my eyes, he was staring right at me. I leaned into his warmth and touched the side of his face, feeling his silky beard under my fingertips.
“North…” His voice was raw. I’d never heard him sound like that. I leaned in more, erasing the inches between us until my lips bumped awkwardly against his. It was odd at first. I’d only kissed a handful of boys but Dad was all man.
Kane Fitzgeraldwas all man.
He wasn’t my father. Especially not with me on his lap, throbbing and buzzing like a live wire.
When his hands found my hips, I pushed forward, deepening the kiss and gripping his shirt in my fists. I didn’t know if he was touching me with the intent of pushing me away or pulling me closer. Either way, it emboldened me.
I slipped my tongue past his lips and he allowed me. He didn’t shove me off or jerk his head away. After a few slow seconds of my tongue exploring his mouth, he sucked on my bottom lip and his eyes fell shut. I tossed a leg over his lap so that I was straddling him.
That kiss was the sweetest thing that ever splashed across my tongue. Heat climbed up my spine draping itself around the back of my neck prickling my skin and making something deep inside my gut stir and flop.
I wanted this.
I wanted this more than I wanted my mother to spend time with me on my birthday. At least Dad—Kane—cared. Why the hell would I want to spend my special day with a woman who chose drugs and strangers over her own daughter?
My heart fluttered in my chest when I felt Kane’s hard dick pressing against me.
Oh…god.
I rocked back and forth on top of his rigid thickness. I was thirsty and desperate to release whatever was building inside of me. A soft moan escaped me and Kane released a deep noise in his chest that sent shivers racing down my spine.
I rocked faster and harder, my motions became more rhythmic until the bubble inside me threatened to pop. I wanted it to pop. Ineededit to.
“North, we can’t. You’re too young.” His words snatched Kane away replacing him with Dad again but the bubble had already burst. I sat on his lap trembling. A warm cascade of pleasure and shame mixed together in my chest. “I’m your married to your mom.” He sounded choked and I hated myself for it.
I stumbled off his lap and ran to my room, slamming the door behind me.
We never spoke about it. I always assumed he hated me for stirring confusion inside him. I thought he was enraged and disgusted.
Sitting in his truck brought back every detail about that night. All the feelings and emotions I’d shoved away came rushing to the surface like a soda bubbling over from being shaken up. “I thought you hated me,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. I rolled my lips between my teeth and stared at the cinnamon freckles dusting the backs of my hands.
“Hated you?” His eyes crinkled at the corners. “North, I could never hate you.” I watched his throat tighten then relax when he looked at me. I saw his mask slip for a moment and something smoldered behind his gemstone eyes. It was unbridled and white-hot but it was gone in the next moment. I wanted to chase it like a butterfly through a grassy field.
“You were confused and you were so young. I shouldn’t have let you…I shouldn’t have encouraged that. I shouldn’t have kissed you back but…” His words fell to scraps between us but my ears burned like the sun. They zeroed in on one three-letter word that turned me to jelly inside.
But…
But what?
How the fuck could he think I was confused with the fire that blazed between us? I wasn’t confused. I wanted to kiss him. I needed it.
“You couldn’t have stopped me from kissing you, Dad.” Now that title felt wrong on my lips. “Kane,” I said with false confidence strengthening my voice. “I-I wanted it. I wanted your lips and your security.” Even then I wanted those things I just hated that I wanted them from him. It was wrong.
Shame fell over my shoulders, weighing me down like cement.
“Fuck, you can’t say shit like that, North. I’m your…”
“Stop it. You’renotmy father,” I blurted. “Not biologically.”
“I don’t think I’ve been like a dad to you since that kiss.”
“That’s why you left her wasn’t it? Because of me. Because I kissed you.” I smeared tears across my cheeks and cursed myself for letting them fall.
“What? Hell no. You’re not the reason I divorced Izzy.Izzywas the reason. She sold my art supplies. It was the last straw. She was lying to me, hiding things, and cheating but when I came home to find my art supplies gone, I lost it, North. I knew I was doing both of us a disservice if I stayed. I couldn’t tell you all that.”
