Page 47 of North
Her pointed words dented my exterior. I drove along in silence for a while before I was calm enough to speak.
“I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings, Sierra,” I finally said. Mending my friendship with her meant more than me trying to explain a relationship she wouldn’t understand. She didn’t need to know the depth of my love for Kane. She didn’t need to know how much he’d helped me overcome in the past year or how he proved himself when she went silent on me.
All of that would surface in due time. Right then, I just didn’t want to lose someone else I loved. Especially not if I could ease her hurt feelings with an apology.
“I know you think you’re better than me now but don’t forget who’s always had your fucking back, North.”
I remained silent until I could figure out exactly how I felt. I could never forget the way Sierra and I were there for each other when we were younger but since I moved to Telluride she’d changed. I wish I understood her anger and why it was always aimed toward me.
Our conversation was strained the rest of the ride into Delta and when I pulled up at her apartment, the energy didn’t magically rebound.
“You wanna come up?” She asked. It felt obligatory and not hospitable at all.
“No thanks. I have to head back to Telluride. I work today.” I tucked my hair behind my ear and forced a small smile. I knew it didn’t translate to my eyes though.
“Right. Of course you do. Go back home to your daddy dick,” she laughed. She tried her best to make it sound like a joke but it didn’t. “I want to come over again so come pick me up this weekend.”
“I’ll see what Kane’s schedule looks like. I don’t know if he’ll need the truck or not.”
“North, it wasn’t a suggestion. Come scoop me up this weekend. I’ll see you later.” Once she walked up the steps and disappeared into her building, frustration mounted, collecting under my skin and prickling my scalp. No matter how much I tried to be a good friend, it seemed something always pulled Sierra and me backward.
I drove home without any music because my mind was too cluttered to enjoy it. Instead, I let the sound of tires on pavement serve as my song.
When I got home everything was quiet. Not my mind though. That was on full blast. I couldn’t stop thinking about Sierra.
I’d spent most of my life trying to piece my mother back together from broken fragments she’d littered my childhood with. I’d spent countless years doing everything I could to make things right. I just wanted a mother but I never got one. Not in the sense that most kids have one.
I did have a best friend though. Sierra had been my rock through most of the bullshit thrown at me. The blatant anger and bitterness she kept spewing at me left me feeling hurt and confused. It reminded me so much of how I felt trying to pick up Mom’s pieces only to have her turn on me.
Anger bubbled in my gut. Hot and unforgiving. I wanted my friend back, not this angry person in her place. Not the person who’d sink fangs into my white flag rather than accept it.
Shit, at this point I didn’t even know what I was waving a white flag for. I only knew if it made her happy and if it made things the way they were between us, I’d keep waving it.
I got dressed for work then drove over to the gallery so Kane could have the truck. I always took the gondola to work and back into Telluride.
I walked in and breathed in the smell of paint then smiled at the laughter coming from Elijah and Kane. They were the perfect cure for my hurt feelings. Both men greeted me with wide smiles when they saw me. Kane walked over with outstretched arms and pulled me into him. He knew I fed off his proximity and thrived on his warmth.
“Did Sierra get home okay?” He asked before kissing the top of my head.
“Yeah, she did.” I folded my arms across my middle and stared at nothing in particular.
“Uh-oh, what happened?” Kane asked, sitting in the chair beside Elijah. I shrugged leaning against the counter. I didn’t know how to explain the way the drive to Delta made me feel. I also didn’t want to hear Kane’s speech about how he didn’t have a good feeling about Sierra.
“Nothing. I’m still trying to figure out why she’s always so angry.”
“She’s angry because she hates to see you happy, North,” Elijah said.
“Bingo,” Kane put his index finger in the air and looked at me. “I know I sound like a broken record but unless she can bring you down to a place where she feels above you, she’s not going to be happy.” His words burned like holy water in the hands of a non-believer. I cast my stare down at the counter, studying the grain of granite.
“I’m trying to be patient. Sierra needs someone to understand her. I’m trying to be with her through whatever this is.”
“There’s no being patient through this. I’m not going to talk a hole in your head though, baby girl,” Elijah said. “You know I got love for you. If you need to talk, I’m here.”
The fact that Elijah was sincere burned even more. I started wondering if they were right. Maybe I was pouring too much into Sierra. The way she reacted to finding out about my relationship and the things she said before she went home had me bubbling over with resentment and annoyance.
I traced a swirl of sparkly black on the countertop and sighed. “I think I’m gonna go to work early. I’ll take to you guys later. E, are you and Mel coming over for dinner? I’ll make scones for dessert.” I flashed him a smile hoping to make the energy between us lighter. I adored Elijah and I was head over heels for Kane. I didn’t want either of them to think I wasn’t taking their advice into account. They just didn’t know how much my friendship with Sierra meant.
Maybe she didn’t know how much it meant either.
