Page 7 of North
Why the hell didn’t I leave with him when he divorced Mom?
When my tears quieted, Dad tipped my chin up so that I was locked into his golden-green eyes. “Get ready for bed and I’ll make sure your TV is signed into all the streaming accounts. Then we can hang out for a little while. Just you and me.” It sounded like the best fucking idea I’d heard in a long time. I nodded, feeling my guard slip further into oblivion.
When he left the room, I allowed my eyes to map out his muscled back and the way it flexed beneath his perfectly taut shirt. He didn’t look a day over thirty-five which was amazing since he was forty years old. I shut the door behind him quickly and snapped my eyes shut pushing images out of my head. Images meant for someone else’s brain.
Someone who wasn’t me.
Dad knocked on my closed bedroom door as I pulled my Strawberry Shortcake sweatshirt over my head. Ironically, it was the only thing warm and comfy I found to sleep in when I haphazardly packed at the apartment. I opened the door and tried to smile at him. It felt weak and tired though. His smile matched mine. We were both too damn tired to keep up facades.
When he flicked on the light, I winced, shielding my eyes. His eyes narrowed and he tipped his head to the side. “You have a migraine, don’t you?” He remembered how horrible my migraines were and how sensitive to light I was when they came on suddenly. I nodded and sat on the bed. “We can skip TV tonight, North.” His fingers threaded through the ends of my hair and a sympathetic smile pushed his lips up.
“You can stay,” I offered in a hushed voice.
“You sure?” He quizzed. He had no idea how much I didn’t want to be alone. My frayed mind would split even more. Threads of guilt and what-ifs would spiral out of control until they choked me to death in the form of tears and sorrow.
I needed Dad to keep the demons at bay.
Mom may have let go of hers when she died but the ones she created in me were ravenous. They’d rip me limb from limb if I fell asleep alone.
“Just until I fall asleep,” I said, urging the knot in my throat to dissolve. I hated asking anyone for anything. Especially a plea from my heart. I could pay back material things. There was no way I could ever repay Dad for lying beside me filling in the crater that seemed deepest in the dark.
He nodded and climbed in bed.
I slid in beside him.
Silence never seemed so loud. It was a cacophony of absolutely nothing. The sound bunched up inside my ears and crowded around me until I was swallowed.
“You did good by Izzy, North. You did above and beyond what a daughter should.” His words caressed me. I was in pain but I was grateful for his quiet voice assuaging the guilt determined to make a meal out of me.
His body being next to mine, his arm tossed around me while I pressed my ear to his chest dulled the demons long enough for me to fall asleep.
…
CHAPTER 4
I held North’s thin body against me until her breathing became rhythmic. I should’ve left the room after that but I couldn’t stop holding her. I couldn’t stop giving her the love she cried out for. The love I should’ve given her when I divorced her mother last year.
I’d wanted her to come to Telluride with me when I got the offer to take over the art gallery in town but she refused. She claimed she wanted to stay with Izzy and take care of her and help her get better. I couldn’t help wondering somewhere in the selfish parts of my brain if she refused to come with me because of what happened on her birthday. It’s why I never pressed the issue when I moved out.
I should have pressed the issue.
North was stuck in hell trying to assume responsibilities that were never meant for her. I found out from Izzy that North left school to get her diploma online and took a job at a hole in the wall steakhouse to cover bills. That was when things started going downhill. Izzy quit her job when she didn’t have the burden of taking care of North. I offered monthly checks for rent and food and whatever else North needed but she shut it down telling me Izzy would get the money and use it for drugs. It was pointless trying to keep money in a house with an addict.
I called North so many times and begged her to come to Telluride that she blocked my number. Texts went unanswered and I had no luck getting her to listen to my voicemails. I only heard from her if Izzy OD’ed.
I failed her over the past year. I should’ve stepped in and protected her. Now she was broken and her eyes were void of light. I missed the light in those denim blue eyes. I’d do anything to get it back.
In the stillness of the dark bedroom, I was determined to make her happy again. To show her life didn’t have to be jagged and toxic. To show her she could trust again.
I held her a little closer when she whimpered in her sleep. My hand found her flat stomach and even through the thick fabric of her sweatshirt I felt her knobby bones jutting out. I ignored the warning flags flapping bright red against my gray mindscape and slipped beneath her sweatshirt.
I examined each of her ribs and slid down to her hipbones. An ache manifested deep inside of me. North needed so much. She needed all the things Izzy never gave her and all the things I should have. I moved my hand from beneath her shirt and slipped out of bed undetected.
I crashed on my bed and slid my hands down my face. I needed to text Elijah and let him know what was going on.
Elijah Moore had been my boy for years. He moved to Telluride a couple of years ago and worked in the gallery that was there before Fitzgerald’s Fine Art. He was the reason the owner handed it over to me. Elijah always had my best interest at heart.
My eyes blurred when I looked at my phone. Elijah’s name was a fuzzy haze of letters. I stifled a yawn and decided to call him instead.
