Page 50 of Capacity
I wanted him to know too.
“Thanks, for seeing this through,” Zach sat his book bag down on the twin bed in his small but private room. His sheer height swallowed every square-foot of space between those four walls.
“Thank you for opening up to me and trusting me with something so private.” I held his big hand in mine and smiled up at him. I was old enough to be his mother but he dwarfed me completely. It didn’t matter how big he was, he was still a baby in my eyes.
We hugged again and I felt an abrupt onslaught of emotions colliding into me like a tsunami. Tears invaded my space and rolled down my cheeks slicking salty wetness on my face.
“Ms. Foster, what’s wrong?” Zach quizzed, his brown eyes full of concern.
“I’m sorry,” I said shaking my head. “I was thinking about my son. I just…I hope you know I’m here for you, Zach.”
“You’re the nicest person I’ve met since my mom got killed. I know you’re here for me. I know it’s genuine.”
I wiped the tears from my face and frowned up at him. “Your mother was killed?”
“Yeah. She was getting ready to divorce my father and he went on one of those if-I-can’t-have-you-nobody-can rants and he shot her five times in the head then shot himself. I came home from school and found them last year. They were all I had.”
Now, the tears fell not only for Kaiden’s memory but for Zach’s tragedy. “I’m so sorry,” I told him.
“Thanks. I’m kind of used to walking around feeling like my heart got blown out of my chest though.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling. It won’t last forever.” I told him, trying to stop the cascade of emotions.
“What happened to your son? You mentioned him.”
“Oh, yeah, I did.” I was always mentioning Kaiden either out loud or in my mind. Like a beautiful song I couldn’t get out of my head no matter how much it crippled my heart. “He um…he got shot in some crossfire. The bullet went through his bedroom window and hit him in the throat. I wasn’t at home when it happened.” My voice was quiet. If I were any louder, the pain of it all would fall down on my head and split me in two. I wasn’t strong enough to speak about Kaiden’s tragedy above a whisper. Zachary deserved to know he wasn’t alone in the storm of devastating life events.
“I was an ER nurse at the time and they brought him to my ER.”
“Fuck. I mean…I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, Zach. You’re almost grown I think the least you can be afforded are curse words.” I appreciated the genuine compassion flowing from him. It soothed my aching soul a little and any relief from the memory of losing my son was welcome.
“I had to stand by and watch him get pronounced dead then go to the morgue and identify his tiny body. It still hurts even though it was a year ago.
I’d like to tell you that time heals everything but it doesn’t. It might dull the serrated edges but blunt force still hurts just the same. The only thing time really does is give you scars. Makes your skin tougher.” I sniffled back the last remnants of tears and looked into his eyes.
“You’re right about that,” Zach nodded. “Can I still come hide out in your office if I need to?” He asked after a few silent beats passed between us.
“Only if you really need to. Just because I like you doesn’t mean I won’t put you out and make you go to class. I want to see you do your best.”
He gave me a half-smile on his handsome face then bent to give me another warm hug. “Thank you again, Ms. Foster.”
“Call me Lumi.”
“Lumi? That’s really pretty. Thank you, Lumi.”
“You’re welcome, Zach. Call me if you need anything. I don’t care what time it is. Just call.”
I left the Michael Richmond Group Home feeling a little lighter but I hated leaving Zach there. It released boulders in the pit of my stomach that weighed me down with each mile I put between us. I couldn’t stop thinking about him alone in that room and not having anyone. I knew how crushing loneliness could be. It almost crushed me to death.
When I got to Knight’s house, I was exhausted from the intense emotions that pumped through me while I was with Zach. I was more than happy to see Knight’s face though. His sapphire pools were my resuscitation.
“Hey, you,” he smiled, pulling me into him and dropping kisses on the top of my head. He was a rush of comfort. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay with Zach?” He tugged on my hair gently so he could see my face.
“I hated having to leave him at that place. After everything he’s been through. It just felt so wrong.” I rolled my shoulders and let a shudder snake through me. Knight rubbed the back of my neck, kneading away the stress. Like heat to butter, it melted at my feet.
“Baby, what can I do to make it better, hmm? I hate seeing you all balled up in a knot like this and Zach is a good kid who’s been dealt a raw deal.”
