Page 66 of Capacity
“Really? Why? It’s the whole blond hair blue eyes thing, isn’t it?” I lifted an eyebrow in an overtly smug way that made Lumi laugh.
“Kind of,” she told me. “You shine though. You’re so warm and kind. You’re like what it feels like to stand outside and let the sun warm your face. More than that though, you’re real. You’re solid. I can depend on you. You’re golden.” She smiled and shrugged her shoulders.
I wanted to tell her that I wished I could see myself through her eyes too because I didn’t feel golden. I didn’t feel warm and kind. I felt like an eternal fuck up.
Well…
I felt like that when I was by myself but when I was with Lumi, I felt like a king. She made all the good parts of me rise to the surface. She was a magnet for love and kindness. It followed her lead. I was better because of her. She pulled it from the depths of me.
…
CHAPTER 16
“Thank you for opening your home to us, Ms. Foster.” Mrs. Velmont sat on my small gray couch, smiling and cracking into the bottle of water I offered her. The group home director, Ms. Matthews sat beside her, looking around like she’d find something wrong with my house. Something to justify not agreeing to let Zach stay here.
“You’re welcome.” I returned Mrs. Velmont’s smile and sat in a chair on the other side of the glass coffee table.
My once white walls were now painted a light, sunny yellow. Pictures of my aster flowers hung on the walls along with some gorgeous black and white photo’s Knight took of Kaiden’s toys. Pops of color punctuated the gray furniture and the white area rug in front of the couch pulled everything together. It was definitely a home now.
“This will be quick. We just need to make sure you have a place for Zach to sleep, shower, and eat. It’s clear that your house is clean and safe.” She looked down at the folder of papers she had in her lap then over at Mrs. Matthews. “Do you have anything you need to speak with Ms. Foster about? All her paperwork is in order.” She lifted an eyebrow as if to tell Mrs. Matthews not to start any shit.
“I need to do a walk-through. I can’t drop a child in just anyone’s home. What’s clean on the outside might be chocked full of dirt on the inside.” She shot me a disdainful look. I tried to remain professional and not curse her out but it was hard. I grit my teeth together and forced a tight smile.
“You’re welcome to walk through my home, Mrs. Matthews.”
“Oh, I will. Don’t worry.”
“We only need to see Zach’s room and that you have the necessary supplies for a child his age.”
A child his age? Zach towered over me and had a voice as deep as Knight’s. He was practically a grown-ass man.
“I can show you two around.” I stood to my feet and both women followed me on a mini-tour of my house.
We stopped in the dining room first and Mrs. Matthews acted like she was performing a home safety inspection. She looked under the dining room table and the chairs. You know…in case I was hiding bricks of drugs. She tipped her nose in the air when she realized there was nothing to find.
Next, we moved into the kitchen. I showed them my fridge and pantry full of food. “Lots of sugary choices for someone who’s supposed to be a nurse,” Mrs. Matthews sniffed.
“If you’re counting fructose then, I guess so. I’d much rather have natural sugar than processed junk.” I glanced at the bright blue edge of a Nutri-Grain bar sticking out of her shoulder bag. “That’s why there are no cereal bars in my house. Fake fruits and white sugar packs on the pounds, right?” I grinned at her and moved past both women to show them upstairs.
The guest room Zach would stay in was at the end of the hall. My room was at the other end and between the two was a room I was slowly turning into a space for my plants because it got the best indirect sunlight. I showed them everything, even my bedroom, which I wasn’t required to show. I wanted to make it clear to Mrs. Matthews that I had nothing to hide and no matter how much she wanted to find me unfit, she couldn’t.
Suck it, Mrs. Matthews.
“Everything seems in order. Let me sign off on these forms and we’ll be out of your hair, Ms. Foster.” We were back in the living room. Mrs. Velmont sat on the couch, signing papers while Mrs. Matthews walked around like she was in a damn museum, staring at the pictures on the walls.
“I do wonder if we’re making the right choice since she works at Zachary’s school. Do you think it’s a conflict of interest?”
“No, Mrs. Matthews, I don’t,” Mrs. Velmont huffed. “She’s the school nurse. If anything, I think Ms. Foster is a fine example of someone in Zachary’s life who cares enough to step up. He’s been through so much and he actually seems excited about staying with her.”
Mrs. Matthews’ lips drew tight as she took measured steps around the room. It made me uneasy. “I suppose,” she said in response. “Ms. Foster, why do you have these pictures of children’s toys on your wall? Are you fond of young boys?”
Anger crackled through me forcing my fingers to curl into my palms. Mrs. Velmont must have sensed the eruption getting ready to pour from me. She interjected with a frustrated shake of her head.
“You’re out of line, Mrs. Matthews,” she blurted.
“It’s fine,” I smiled, holding my hand up. Mrs. Matthews should have been wary of that smile though. It belied the storm churning inside of me. How the hell could people be so spiteful for no reason? “No, I’m not fond of young boys. They’re pictures of my son’s toys. He got killed when he was five-years-old. A stray bullet hit him in the throat while he slept. I was at work when it happened and I never got to hold him during his last moments. I never got to say goodbye.” With my teeth clenched so hard I thought they’d turn to dust, I snatched back my long sleeves and bared my scars to her. “Those pictures are what keeps me from going here again.” I pointed to my wrist. “The next time you think it’s smart to comment on something you don’t understand, remember the embarrassment hugging your wrinkled face right now.” I shook my sleeves down and stood up.
I wondered if they could see the way my hands were shaking.
