Page 85 of Capacity
“What about you, Ms. Foster? You said you told everyone back home that you were coming here alone. Did you move?”
“I did,” I nodded at her question. “I moved to Connecticut.”
“Oh, your mom and best friend live there, right?”
“Yup,” I smiled. “It’s been the best decision. I wasn’t doing well here alone. Without Kaiden to anchor me, everything kind of fell apart. I wasn’t working at the hospital. I was coasting along on saved money and I was drowning in darkness.”
Cecily and Bear listened to me, riveted.
My scars tingled with shame and I folded my arms across my midsection, trying to hide under the table. Cecily’s gaze dropped to her food and she sighed.
“I’m sorry I didn’t keep in contact more, Ms. Foster.”
“It’s fine, sweetheart. You have your own life. A husband…kids.” A new smile found my face and I hoped she knew I was happy for her. “Let me see pictures.” I held my hand out for her phone and she gladly showed me dozens of pictures of her girls.
They were beautiful chubby-cheeked toddlers that, to the untrained eye, looked like twins. “Yeah, they’re eleven months apart,” she pinched the bridge of her nose and Bear laughed. It was a hearty rich sound.
“They keep us busy,” he said. His smile was brilliant against his onyx skin.
“I bet. They’re beautiful, guys. Congratulations. I know your house is so full.” My heart ached a little thinking about what I no longer had but the thought of having another child terrified me. I didn’t want anymore and I was glad Knight didn’t want children either.
“It definitely is,” Bear agreed.
“So Bear, where do you work? Do you help Cecily with the facility?”
“No. Kareema and Cecily run a tight ship. I have my own businesses. I own a butcher’s shop, a barbershop and hair salon, a lumber yard and a few other things.”
“Wow, Bear. That’s amazing.”
“Thank you.” He paused and smiled softly at me. “I’m glad to see you look well, Ms. Foster.” His fiery eyes stole a glance at my scars and I realized at some point I’d placed my elbows on the tabletop.
“Thank you, Bear,” I said quietly.
Cecily followed her husband’s eyes to my wrists and I squirmed in my seat. The heat from embarrassment was like standing in plain view of the sun. It scorched me.
“Ms. Foster,” she began in a soft voice.
“Please, Cecily call me Lumi. After everything you and I have been through…call me Lumi.”
“Okay, Lumi. I’m glad you’re not in a dark place anymore. I don’t know how I would have handled it if anything happened to you. I know I get caught up in my own world a lot but I love you.” She reached across the table and held my hand in hers. I felt the warmth in her touch and I appreciated it.
“I love you too, Cecily. I truly do.”
Bear studied me in a way that made me feel transparent. Like he could look right through every guard I had erected. “If you ever need anything, Lumi…anything. Let us know. You’re family to Cecily so you’re family to me and I take family seriously.”
“He really does,” Cecily added. “I’ve talked about you so much, he feels like he knows you.” They shared a secret and if I was reading the energy right it was a secret that had to do with me. I didn’t pick at it though because I sensed Bear had secrets that ran deeper than I wanted to understand.
We spent hours catching up and laughing and it was exactly what my weathered soul needed. Knight wanted me to make this trip cathartic and that’s what I was doing. Laughing with Cecily about Kaiden and sharing memories unique only to us helped to ease the blunt force of not being with him on his birthday.
We all walked out together and I took Bear up on his offer to drive me back to the hotel because I’d taken an Uber to the cemetery. Our lighthearted conversation spilled into the air as Cecily and I linked arms and chatted like the best of friends. I was so wrapped in having a good time that I almost dismissed what my eyes showed me.
It was plain as day though.
My heart saw it before my mind could process it and a wave of sadness crashed into me, stealing my breath.
Kaiden?
No…
