Page 47 of Song of the Caged Duchess
“But don’t you see?” Eugenia pressed. “That’s not different at all, Esther. It’s exactly the same. You’re just like me. You’re also going into these social events with a great deal of pressure from your parents on your shoulders.”
“That doesn’t matter. I’ve been preparing my whole life for this. I know how to handle it.”
“And you’re also allowing yourself to be cheated of a time that should be joyful,” Eugenia pushed on. “Youshouldbe excited, Esther. You’re being courted. You should have feelings about that. It’s a magical, romantic time. Be happy!”
Esther allowed a smile onto her face. “You’re right,” she said. “And I am happy, Eugenia, truly.”
“Happy because you have feelings for him?”
“Happy because everything I planned is coming to pass perfectly,” Esther corrected. “I’m being courted by the most eligible gentleman of the Season, Eugenia. A Duke! It’s just what I dreamed of.”
“AhandsomeDuke,” Eugenia corrected with a giggle. “Be happy aboutthat, at least.”
“He is handsome, isn’t he?” Esther agreed dreamily. “I don’t suppose I’ll ever get enough of looking at those eyes.”
“I knew it!” Eugenia said. “I knew you had feelings for him.”
“I admire him for his looks, Eugenia. That isn’t the same as having feelings.”
“All right,” Eugenia nodded knowingly. “It’s all right if that’s what you want to say to yourself. Just know that I know better. You care for him. You would be devastated if he didn’t want to see you anymore.”
“Yes,” Esther said, exasperated. “I would be. Because that would mean that my plan to secure a wealthy husband had failed. It would mean that my parents’ debts couldn’t be erased, and worst of all, it would destroy any chances of an advantageous marriage for Caroline when she comes of age.”
“Esther,” Eugenia said. “I know you care for your sister. Everyone knows how much she means to you. I don’t mean to call that into question.”
“Well, I would hope not.”
“But are you really doing this just because it’s what your parents want?” Eugenia asked. “Is this really just about erasing their debts for you?”
“You know why it’s important to me to solve my family’s financial problems,” Esther said.
“I do,” Eugenia agreed. “But suppose there was no risk to Caroline’s future. Suppose you knew she would be all right. If that was the situation, would you still want to marry for financial gain, just to provide for your parents?”
Would I?
Esther had assumed all her life that when she was ready to marry, she would be looking for the most advantageous match. She had never seriously considered another course of action. It hadn’t been worth thinking about.
But what if she did consider it?
What if there was no need to provide money for Caroline? Would she feel free to consider other gentlemen? Or would she still try to make the most advantageous match, for the sake of her parents and her own future?
She had to admit, she couldn’t be sure of the answer.
“This doesn’t matter,” she said firmly. “It’s useless to speculate on something that can never be. Carolinedoesneed my help. This is the world we live in. So what difference does it make what I would do if things were another way?”
“I suppose it doesn’t matter,” Eugenia agreed. “You’re right, of course. You’re much wiser than I am, Esther. You always have been. I only wondered because…well, it seems like your parents are much more concerned about themselves than they are about you or Caroline.”
“That’s no secret,” Esther said. “That’s why I can’t afford to think about myself too much. Because it’s all they do.”
“Then it’s very lucky that the most eligible gentleman this Season justhappensto be the one you’ve developed feelings for,” Eugenia said, a twinkle now appearing in her eye.
“Eugenia, for goodness’ sake, how many times—”
“You can’t fool me,” Eugenia said. “I saw the spring in the Duke’s step as he left this morning, and I saw that same spring in your step as we crossed the lawn just now. You were just as excited to see him as he was to see you. The two of you are going to fall in love.”
“You’re being silly,” Esther said. “Nobody is falling in love.”
But deep down, she was beginning to wonder.
