Page 60 of When a Highlander Vows
“By livin’ life kennin’ who ye are and what ye can give. By nae lettin’ a man tell ye what it is ye must be. By bein’ happy and bein’ just as ye are,” Sarah said.
Caitlin’s eyes moved to her friend’s large belly. “Colin and this new bairn are very lucky to have ye as a maither, Lass. We daenae ken each other well, and yet ye have been so kind to me. Thank ye.”
“Now,” Paige said, cheerily. “I think Sarah should rest, and all of us should go downstairs and see what there is left of the sweets Bram brought us.”
“Aye, a good idea, that,” Mary said eagerly, and after the others left, Caitlin reached over and embraced Sarah while she lay on the bed.
“Besides,” Sarah said, “I think Archie is with Lucas right now, puttin’ some sense into his head. He’ll see right soon enough.”
Chuckling, Caitlin kissed her friend on the cheek. “I think I would like to be a fly on the wall in that conversation.”
“Aye, me as well.”
Caitlin waved goodbye to her friend, and when she shut the door, she felt at least that the weight had been lifted from her heart. Unburdening herself to her kind friends had been the right thing to do. But Sarah’s hope was far too tenuous. Caitlin did not have any hope that Lucas would come to change his mind. She couldn’t have any, for if things continued as they were, she knew she’d be far too in love with him to be able to bear when he finally told her there was nothing between them.
30
Lucas spun the whisky bottle in his hands as he sat next to the hearth in his study, Archie across from him. Both Percy and Fallows were laying nearby, and he wondered why.
They should go and comfort Caitlin, nae me,he thought, annoyed with himself yet again.
Now that they were returned from dealing with the skirmishes, Lucas had every intention to get very, very drunk. He’d started on whisky and was nearly halfway through the bottle when Archie appeared to join him.
“The men are daein’ their rounds,” Archie said, slipping into the chair across from him and reaching for the bottle in Lucas’ hands. “I’ve sent two soldiers to ride with a message as well. For MacGregor.”
“Good, good.” Lucas didn’t look at Archie as he passed over the bottle.
He stared at the orange licks of the flame in the fireplace, and he tried to steer his mind to the two men who’d attacked them weeks ago. It was better than thinking of Caitlin.
“We still daenae ken who would have attacked us. I suppose it could have been anyone, really. But sensin’ the way things are goin’ at the borders, perhaps there is some relation. Although I cannae think of it. It is nae as if we’ve received any other sort of message.”
“Aye, true. But…” Archie paused and took a swig of the bottle before handing it back, “I think I would rather talk about Caitlin.”
“Och, that again? Have we nae already talked enough about it? At the tavern the other day.” Lucas shrugged and drank, hoping Archie didn’t see the regret in his face.
He hadn’t though he’d hurt Caitlin in the way she’d accused him. He thought by staying away, by not taking it further than kissing and touching, he was protecting her. But her face when she’d told him the truth had nearly broke his heart. When she’d told him that even those things hurt her, his whole world had crumbled. Hurting her was the last thing he wanted to do. It felt as bad as plucking the sun from the sky.
“Aye, this again.” Archie reached out for the bottle again, and he stood to grab two cups.
Pouring the whisky into them, he said, “When ye returned from the sea this afternoon, ye were in a right bad mood. Nay doubt it had somethin’ to dae with the new friend of Caitlin’s comin’ around? Sarah told me about it, and that she was out by the sea walkin’ with him.”
“What of it? He is hardly a friend. The way he looks at her. I can read his mind, clear as day.” He huffed, but he grabbed the cup handed to him, and he took a sip.
His brain was now fuzzy with drink, and slowly the edges of his anger were softening. But guilt remained, cold, hard, and heavy in his gut.
“Lucas, ye are a fool. I think ye love the lass. I have never seen ye act this way about a woman. Caitlin is a good lass, and if ye love her, then ye should ask her to marry ye.”
“Marry?” Lucas said with a bitter laugh. “I told ye, I cannae taint her. What if I am just as bad as me own faither was? What if I ended up treatin’ her like shite, just as he did to me maither and me?”
He shuddered, remembering the cool lick of a whip on his back. His father would almost seek out excuses to hit Lucas, even if the reasons were small. Chopping firewood incorrectly, turning the sword wrong in his hands, or even tripping were minor things his father would take issue with. And his mother would find ways to release her anger upon him as well, even though she knew the feeling of his father’s whip upon her back too.
It was only Nan who’d held him close, touched him tenderly, and reminded him that there was more to the world. Still, he’d kept to his castle for as long as he could, not wanting to go very far if he could help it. In his mind, people were not to be trusted generally. Seamus had been the one bright light after Nan, and now, Caitlin was becoming the brightest light in his life. She reminded him that not everything was darkness, even though it so often felt that way.
He took another sip. “I couldnae bear to see meself change afore me eyes into me faither. It will happen one day.”
“If it has nae happened already, then it willnae happen, Lucas,” Archie said, sighing. “I cannae understand why ye willnae let yerself be happy. To find love is the greatest thing in the world. Without Sarah, I would be nothin’. To find that union with someone else is incredible. Nae many people find that. Ye should thank God ye have been lucky enough to.”
Lucas’ heart fluttered, as it always did when he thought of Caitlin and what could be. Leaning forward, he glanced up at Archie.
