Page 87 of A Highland Bride Taken
“I remember dropping me sword to follow him into the castle, me concern growing when he refused to tell me anything until I was sitting behind me desk in the study. It was only then that he broke the news. He told me how he had just received news that Aiden, me only braither, was killed, along with his wife, in a carriage accident, and that he had already sent people to bring their bodies back home.
“I remember sitting alone in me study for hours after that discussion, unable to accept that I was now completely alone in the world. I might have grown up alone, but there was this comfort in kennin’ that one had family somewhere in the world, and now even that small blood tie was lost. Somehow, I couldnae shake the feeling that I was at fault. Perhaps if I had invited him home and hadnae let him roam the Highlands, he might still be alive. I should have pushed me petty feelings aside and done what was best to protect him. I felt hopeless and guilty.
“Growing up the way I did, I was used to pain and suffering, but the pain of me braither’s death was nothing in comparison. It was too much for me. I could barely breathe, so I turned to the bottle in the hope of dulling the pain, of making it bearable. But it hardly worked, so I drank even more, hoping that I would feel like meself again. I locked meself in me study and drank, dozing off only to wake up again to face me painful reality.
“Until I woke up to someone banging on the door. I was angry at the intruder, for his knock was making me hangover worse. But I still stood up to open the door when the knocking hadn’t ceased. Turned out it was Magnus, telling me that it had already been two days. I needed to get up and live.
“I had nay motivation to move forward until Magnus informed me about the twins and their need for a home. They were the wake-up call I needed. I sobered up almost immediately and hastened to dress to follow him out of the castle. Perhaps that was part of the reason the boys didnae take well to me at the first meeting. I reeked of alcohol.”
His eyes clouded over with the memory.
“How naughty of ye,” Mabel said, smiling through the tears streaming down her cheeks.
“The lads gave new meaning to me life. I was suddenly filled with the need to give them everything that I wasnae able to give their faither.”
“Ye have done that and more, Cam,” she said quietly.
“Nay, I failed to protect them; that was the least thing I owed them. This is the reason why I cannae have bairns of me own. Connor will inherit the lairdship when I die. I am nae capable of protecting anyone. Aiden died such a painful death because I didnae protect him.”
“Ye are powerful, Cam, but ye arenae God. Ye dinnae have the power to predict a carriage accident.”
“Perhaps they wouldnae have had to travel around all the time if they stayed here.”
“Ye cannae be so sure. Yer braither’s death isnae yer fault. That isnae a good reason to refuse to have children of yer own. Ye were a child when Aiden was taken from ye; there was nothing ye could have done. I love the twins, and I am happy to be a maither to them, only if ye still dinnae want bairns of yer own in the future. But I willnae have ye blame yerself. I willnae sit by and allow ye to deny yer innermost desires because of somemisplaced guilt,” she said, cradling his face and caressing his cheek.
Campbell leaned into the softness of her touch, using his hold on her hand to pull her to him to take her lips in a languorous kiss, enjoying the warmth of her sweet mouth and how it brought a sense of peace to his mind.
He did not believe that he was innocent of his brother’s misfortunes, but at least now, while he kissed her, he felt more human and less like the incompetent fool that he was.
He broke the kiss reluctantly, staring down into her shining eyes, and not for the first time, he wished he were half the man she thought he was. She smiled at him, and he felt even more unworthy.
“I love ye,” she said, beaming at him like she had not just turned his whole world on its head with that simple phrase.
The fact that this beautiful, perfect lass, whom he had the luck of calling his wife, thought herself in love with him was unbelievable.
He had always known he was not worthy of her. He had resigned himself to the honor of calling her his wife. He had never expected to love her. How could he expect her to fall in love with the scarred beast he was? Even now, his cold, dark heart was not worthy to be presented to her.
“I cannae,” he choked out, feeling even more like a cur as he said the words “I?—”
“Ye dinnae have to say it back, me love,” Mabel said with a reassuring smile. “I dinnae expect ye to love me back immediately. I just want ye to hold me in ye arms. I feel safest there.”
So Campbell did just that: cradling his wife in his arms.
He carried her to the rug close to the hearth, and they lay there in silence.
He stared at the fire as it consumed the wood, hoping that he could find some clue about the twins’ location, but the fire gave no answer, just reminders that even achingly beautiful things could be dangerous.
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Campbell could already feel the caress of slumber on his senses, urging him to accept the rest it offered.
He pulled Mabel closer, enjoying her warmth as he allowed slumber to pull him under, taking him far away from his surroundings and the overwhelming reality that lingered.
Just as his eyes fluttered shut, he was startled by the sound of shy knocks on the door. Almost like the intruder was unsure if they were right to disturb them at that hour.
Campbell agreed. He was definitely not in the mood to entertain any visitors. He turned to see that Mabel had awoken at the noise.
Sighing in resignation, he called out, “Come in.”
