Page 41 of A Lady's Propitious Match
As he assisted Clara in stepping out of the carriage, their eyes met in a silent exchange that spoke volumes. He just wished that they were allowed to speak aloud.
“Thank you very much, Christopher,” she practically whispered, her hand lingering in his for a moment too long.
“The pleasure was mine, Clara,” Christopher replied, his words laced with a sincerity that betrayed the depth of his confusing feelings. “I hope that we do get the chance to do this again.”
“Goodbye, Christopher.” The charged farewell hung in the air. “I shall see you soon.”
“Yes, farewell, Clara. I look forward to it.”
He watched her walk inside, feeling the intense race of his heart the whole time. He knew in that moment that these feelings were becoming too intense. He could not ignore them any longer. Just because everyone was against them, did not mean they could ignore their feelings.
As Christopher climbed back into the carriage, he was overwhelmed by the sensation that this night had changed everything for them both. And that life was about to become a whole lot more complicated.
***
Back in the solitude of his bedchamber, Christopher found no solace in the familiar surroundings. The room, adorned with rich tapestries and the soft glow of candle light, offered no respite from the tumult that raged within him. The night had taken on a life of its own, echoing the complexities that now entwined his heart.
Restlessness drove him to pace the chamber, the creaking floor boards beneath his feet echoing the unrest in his mind. The encounter with Clara, the shared laughter, and the subtle exchanges had only intensified his admiration and attraction. The delicate balance between reality and the charade he was meant to enact left him feeling utterly conflicted.
He knew the societal expectations that dictated their interactions, the need to maintain the facade of a courtship that existed only to appease the watchful eyes of their peers. But as Christopher delved deeper in to the labyrinth of his emotions, the line between pretense and genuine sentiment blurred.
The growing romantic feelings for Clara gnawed at his conscience, making it harder and harder to view their court ship as a mere charade.
Would pursing Clara as a legitimate suitor ever be acceptable in the eyes of society?
That was the one question that kept flowing through his mind. Their feelings really had to come secondary to that, which was the real issue for him.
Would a future with Clara be worth the risk of shattering the carefully constructed facade that shielded them from scrutiny? Christopher grappled with the conundrum, the scales of logic and emotion teetering in a precarious balance. The thought of abandoning the charade and openly acknowledging his feelings forClara beckoned like a forbidden fruit, tempting him with the promise of a love unfettered.
He wanted that far more than he cared to admit. It pained him.
Elliot had told him to pursue her because real love was worth everything, but that was far easier said than done. With her father pouring hatred over them, and his mother trying to push them apart… the walls standing between them felt too high.
“What am I going to do?” he muttered to himself as desperation crashed through him. “What are we going to do? How can we ever make this work?”
Collapsing onto the bed, exhaustion claimed him, but even in the realm of dreams, Clara’s presence persisted. Her sparkling eyes and sweet smile painted an ethereal picture that haunted the edges of his slumber.
He could not escape her sweet smile and the way that she made his heart sing when she laughed. He also adored the way that she did not take herself, or their situation, too seriously. She was willing to laugh at the awkwardness surrounding them and not to get upset when they were faced with the Devereux family.
In his dreams, Christopher was far freer to do whatever he wanted. He was able to run his fingers down Clara’s soft cheek and to tuck his finger underneath her chin, drawing her lips closer to his.
It was exactly what he wished he could do in real life, but could not. Not under Ruth’s watchful eye.
In his dream, the kiss was like a bolt of lightning. It was thrilling, exciting, filled with desire. Just how he felt when he was looking right at her.
But could this ever become a reality or would it always be something he could only dream? Without an answer to that, Christopher was left in limbo, and that was the hardest thing of all.
