Page 16 of The Biker's Last Rodeo
“Says the guy holding a gun.” Nick stares toward me. “I know your lost right now, Maci. You want to feel alive, and I get that, but this… this is crazy. You’re going to get hurt. Real hurt, not some imaginary version where everything turns happily ever after.” He leans in again. “I heard in town that these guys are actual hitmen.”
For almost a year, I sat with Nick while he fixated on the linear list of tasks he had to complete. I listened to him talk about sports rankings and numbers like they were his best friend. I listened to his advice about working hard myself. And for a while, I drowned myself in writing article after article, thinking that would drive my career further. The truth is, I was trying to be something I thought he liked. I was trying to heal myself with his medicine, but I was allergic to it.
Nick’s way of life is a formula for survival, not for healing. For a while, I wore it like armor and wrote like I was fixingsomething in me with deadlines and data, but I wasn’t getting better.I was disappearing.
I exhale, slow and sharp. “I’m not lost, Nick. I just stopped pretending.”
Nick’s expression drops, wounded but stubborn. “So that’s it? You’re throwing your whole life away for a guy that looks like he leaves people for dead on the regular?”
Duke shifts, jaw tightening. “You ever actually listen to her talk? She knows what she wants. Maybe you should’ve given her space to see it.”
Nick’s expression falters. “She’s fucking broken! She’s not okay!”
“Say she’s broken again,” Duke groans, taunting Nick as he steps forward, his gun still drawn. “Girl’s been through hell and back, and I’d say she’s managing pretty damn well.”
“It’s a mask!” I’m not sure why he thinks telling everyone how broken I am fixes anything, but he’s definitely leaning into it. “She’s not okay. Trust me, you’ll see.”
“Then we’re not okay together.” Duke wraps his arm around the back of my waist as though he’s claiming me. “She ain’t a problem to solve. She’s a fire. You either burn with her or get out of the damn way.”
A chill runs up my spine as he talks. I’ve never had anyone say anything as remotely kind about me in my life. It’s like he sees parts of me no one else can.
Why does that scare the hell out of me?
Nick takes a small step back, his face red. “This isn’t strength, Maci. It’s rebellion.”
I shake my head. “Maybe it started that way. But now, it feels like freedom.”
He doesn’t respond, just turns as though he doesn’t believe for a second I won’t always be broken, and the biggest mistake I’ll ever make is letting him get away.
Duke slides the bolt back into place, but he doesn’t move away from me. His arm stays around my waist like he knows I need an anchor right now to something that doesn’t expect me to be whole to be wanted. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I blow out a heavy breath. “I’m really good, actually. I’m glad you were here to put on that show. I… he needed to hear something so he’d go away. I’ve been trying for months now.”
He narrows his brows and turns into me. “I ain’t fakin’ a damn thing, bunny. I meant everything I said. You remind me of me, and I think quite highly of myself.”
I look up at Duke, my gaze focused and warm, my heart thumping with something heavy and sincere I can’t describe.I’m fraying.
I like him. I really like him. I want to stay here. I want to collapse against his chest and stay warm and safe forever, but that’s not real.
Love isn’t real. And suddenly, I want to run.
Maybe it’s because a tawdry game of cat and mouse shouldn’t come with slow reassurances or soft kisses. Maybe it’s because tenderness feels like a trap. Maybe it’s because I’m not as unbroken as I thought I was.
I step back, just a little. “I believe you. That’s the problem.”
His brows furrow, confusion lighting his face. “What’s wrong?”
I shrug, unsure of how to explain the emotions rattling through me. “I don’t know. I’m scared.”
“Me too. We can be scared together.” His rough hand holds my elbow as though he wants to hold me close and never let go.
Maybe that’s what makes me step outside. Maybe that’s what makes me call Kera. Maybe that’s what makes me cry.
The fear of trusting someone for real… scares the shit out of me, and that makes Nick right after all.
I’m broken. Completely, fucking broken.
Chapter Six
