Page 131 of Handsome Devil
“Who am I kidding?” I let my head fall between my shoulders. “She’s not going to be fine. She’ll be joining you soon, and I’m scared, and I’m sad and angry,soangry.” I fell to my knees in front of their graves, my entire body shaking. “They say there are five stages to grief, but I think mine hit me all at once. The pain is everywhere. I can’t escape it.”
The graves didn’t answer, but they did listen. I knew, because some of the agony rolled off my shoulders.
“I tried everything I could.” I wiped my eyes and nose with the end of my sleeve. “I broke the law. I made a deal with the devil. Married him too. All in order to save her. You’d be disappointed if you were alive, Dad. And to top it all, I lost the bracelet.Ourbracelet. A bad man took it with him to his grave.”
I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling. My entire life, I had tried my hardest to be the person I thought others needed me to be. And what I got in return was a senseless car accident that took Dad and Elliott away from me because some pissed wanker decided to get behind the wheel and drive. When the loss of them brought me to my knees, I’d clung to the only person I had left—Mum. But she’d been ripped from me too.
That bracelet wasn’t just a piece of jewelry. It symbolized another part of my life I’d never get back.
“Please forgive my self-pity.” I dabbed at my eyes again. “I love you so much. Both of you. Elliott—I miss our banter. And our late nights binge-eating biscuits in front ofEastEnders. Sorry, Dad. Yes, it was us who ate your digestives, which, by the way, are still junk food. Just because they have the words ‘whole wheat’ on them doesn’t make them healthy.”
I snorted out an ungraceful laugh.
“I miss kicking your arse at Wii. And you kicking my arse at tennis. And the practical jokes we pulled on each other. And how you were so attuned to my feelings, you once took my goldfish to the vet because it was unwell and actually managed to save it.” I clamped my mouth shut, looking down at the damp, loose ground. “And, Dad, I miss your advice. Geeking out with math riddles. I miss the unconditional love I took for granted my entire childhood. I have recently come to realize that no matter how grand and all-consuming love can be, nothing can match the love between a parent and a child.”
I stood up and turned around, surprised to see my husband leaning against a black SUV. He waited a few feet away from Enzo, staring at me quietly, his pocket watch in hand.
How long had he been here? How much did he see?
I slinked toward him. Twilight draped over the cemetery, the crows standing on bare branches in the shadows our only audience. I stopped six feet away from him. “How long have you been here?”
“My flight left twenty-five minutes after yours.”
My gaze immediately shot to Enzo, who gestured to his face. “I think we can both agree I am far too beautiful to be beheaded.”
“You betrayed me.” I narrowed my eyes.
“I was never loyal to you to begin with,” Enzo corrected softly.
Tate unbuttoned his coat, producing the divorce papers from his breast pocket. “Thought I’d do this in person.” He proceeded to tear the papers in front of me, tossing them between us. They sailed to the ground like confetti.
To have Tate fight for me, right when I was about to lose my last relative on earth, felt reassuring. But he wouldn’t feel the same if he knew the whole story.
“She’s dying,” I said.
“Not dead yet,” Tate countered.
“You’re no good for me,” I said.
“I can change. Ihavechanged.”
“I’m no good foryou,” I tried again.
“Let me be the fucking judge of that.” His eyes burned with determination.
“Tate…” I hesitated.
Guilt devoured me like a hungry pack of wolves, tearing at my flesh. I knew the truth would make him hate me.
He deserved to know the truth. AndIdeserved to be set free.
“It wasn’t Daniel,” I blurted out, the bitter wind slapping my face.
“What do you mean?”
“That night. The man your father killed. Leon Gorga. He didn’t kill him…” I closed my eyes, not wanting to see his expression when he finally heard the truth. “I did.”
Silence. Thick and sticky and suffocating. I opened my eyes. He stared at me, his eyes suspiciously bright, red-rimmed, matching his ruddy cheekbones.
