Page 21 of Unworthy
“A couple?”
“Yes.”
“So… we’re a couple now?”
Her voice was edging out of blissed-out confusion and become tinged with annoyance.
“Of course we are,” I explained with what I felt was the utmost patience. “I’m not atotalbastard, you know. I wouldn’t shag my best friend’s little sister, who’s had a crush on me since she was five, and just bugger off.”
“So,you’remaking that decision, are you?”
I paused and shifted so I was turned into her, leaning up on my elbow, and could see her face. She was flushed and her lips were swollen from my kisses. Her pupils were still huge, but she had the beginnings of a frown on her forehead.
“That’s really the only decision Icanmake. But I’m willing to make the best of it.”
“You’re willing tomake the best of it?” Genuine anger flared in her eyes now and I realised that I perhaps wasn’t couching this in the most flattering terms. In my defence, the most mind-blowing sex I’d ever experienced in my life had just utterly scrambled my brain. No wonder I wasn’t quite firing on all cylinders.
“I mean, well… we’ve done it now. We may as well…”
“May as well?” She pulled back from me and I wasn’t quick enough to stop her retreat.
“Yaz, come back here. What are you doing?”
I reached for her, but she scrambled over to the other side of the bed and was pulling on her clothes. I must say that now I had made the decision to be with her and not fight this pull any longer, I didn’t see the point of clothes foreitherof us for a good long time.
“You know what, Heath?” She’d pulled up her shorts and was shoving a t-shirt over her head now. The heightened colour in her cheeks from a moment ago had receded, leaving her looking pale under her tan. “You’ve this reputation for being the ultimate charmer. The great wooer of womankind. I have to say I’ve not seen much evidence of that here. Telling someone youmay as wellenter a relationship with them because you couldn’t stop yourself from shagging them isn’t exactly charming in my book.”
I sighed and was about to say something, but she slammed out of the room before I could speak. That ache was back in my chest as I pulled on my jeans to prowl after her. I had a feeling I may have cocked that up, big style. But she was in love with me, damn it. She had been for years. In my arrogance, I was fairly sure I could claw it back.
When I made it out of the bedroom, I could see her leaning over the kitchen counter with her back to me and her hands braced on the granite surface.
“Listen, I’m sorry, okay?” I said, trying to soften my tone and not let any of my frustration leak into it. “I may not have put that in the right way, but you’ve got to understand that… well, this was never in my plan. There are things that I…” I broke off, unable to explain how much being with her frightened me. That what I really needed was someone who didn’t invoke all of thesefeelings. Someone who was safe, reliable, stable. If I went into the whys and wherefores of that, I’d have to go down some pretty gruesome roads. And I wasn’t about to do that anytime soon. “You can’t expect me to be my full, charming self when I’m just coming around to the idea of ‘us’ as a couple. It’s come as a bit of a shock to me, but now that it’s happened, I–”
“You don’t even like me.” Yaz’s voice was so hollow and devoid of emotion it actually sent a shiver of foreboding down my spine.
“What are you talking about, Midge?” I let out a nervous laugh as I made my way towards her. She still hadn’t turned around to look at me. “Of course I like you. I think I just proved how very much I like you, very thoroughly.”
“All you’ve proved is that you liked having sex with me.”
“No, no, that’s not what I–”
She whirled around and my voice cut off when I saw her tear-streaked face.
“Do you think I’m not aware of the way I look, Heath?”
“I–”
“I’ve had men stare at me since I was thirteen. Bad pick-up lines and male attention are a way of life for me. I’mwell awareof the way I look. Just because you enjoyed having sex with me and can’t stay away from me because of physical attraction does not sell me on a relationship with you. Not by a long way.”
“That’s not what I meant. You’re taking this totally the wrong way. I didn’t–”
“Did you imagine I would be happy that you liked medespiteyourself and your intentions to find a suitable woman? That I obviously don’t measure up to your ideal, but that you’re willing to make the best of a bad job? I used to think you were such a gentleman. Dead posh, charming, perfect. Well, I can see now that you’re anything but a gentleman. Arealgentleman would never have spoken to me the way you just did.”
My stomach hollowed out, and I thought for a moment I might be sick. It was true, I prided myself on how I treated people, especially women. I was the guy who walked on the traffic side of the pavement, who pulled out the chair for my date, who held open doors. But all that was just bullshit, wasn’t it? If I could hurt a woman who meant as much to me as Yaz did, then I wasn’t a gentleman at all. I never had been.
What had made me think I could speak to Yaz like that? It never occurred to me she would turn me down. She’d been in love with me for so long that I didn’t even think that would be possible for her. I was beginning to see that the way I’d acted, not just today but over the last few years, had probably killed her feelings for me. Just as I was coming round to the fact that she was the woman meant for me, she was concluding that I was the last man on earth she would want to be with.
“Yaz, please. Let me explain.”
