Page 38 of A Forbidden Night with a Scot
“How long have ye been feelin’ like this?”
The question caught Alicia by surprise. At first, she parted her lips, the answer coming easily to her: forever. But then she decided against telling him the truth. Admitting that she had loved him for so long would only embarrass her further.
“Nae long,” she said. “But what does it matter?”
“It matters,” Samuel said, as he made his way to the door, to leave Alicia alone just as she had asked him. Still, it pained her to see him leave. “In a few years, ye willnae even remember about me.”
Then, he left without another word, the click of the door as it shut punctuating his last words.
Alicia knew them to be untrue. There was no way she would ever forget Samuel. It had already been so long since this infatuation had first burrowed in her chest, making a home in her heart, and her feelings hadn’t faded with time. They had only gotten stronger now that she was around him once more, and now that she had had a taste of his touch.
Even if Samuel refused to touch her ever again, she would always crave it.
The hours came and passed for Alicia without her noticing. Ever since her conversation with Samuel, she had only spoken to one other person: her sister. She could understand her better than anyone else and was the only one not trying to change her mind.
Even as the darkness of the night fell around them, though, and it was finally time for her to sleep, she found that she couldn’t. She had spent the entire day thinking about Samuel, and it was no different now, the memory of their conversation making Alicia toss and turn in the bed she shared with Katherine, while she slept peacefully next to her.
She would never get any rest like this, Alicia knew, and so she stood and threw her cloak around her shoulders, feet slipping into her shoes before she crept as soundlessly as she could out of the room, trying not to wake Katherine.
Samuel had the room right next to theirs, Alicia knew, only because she was familiar with his footsteps and she could hear them through the wall. For a moment, she stood outside, glancing up and down the corridor of the inn to make sure she was alone, before she knocked on his door, impatiently waiting for him to open it.
Perhaps he is sleepin’. It is already late.
Alicia should be sleeping, too, as they had a long ride ahead of them the following morning, but she couldn’t close her eyes until she told him the truth.
Just as she was about to knock on his door again, Samuel pulled it open, surprise coloring his features when his gaze met Alicia’s. “What are ye doin’ here so late at night?” he asked, though despite his protest, he quickly pulled her into the room and closed the door behind her. “Shouldnae ye be asleep?”
“I couldnae sleep,” said Alicia as she twirled around to face him. It was now or never, she thought. She had to speak her truth. “I lied tae ye afore. I lied tae ye an’ I had tae come an’ tell ye the truth.”
Samuel didn’t speak, but he didn’t try to kick her out of the room, either, so Alicia walked to him, leaving only a small gap between them.
“I’ve loved ye fer years. Ye may scoff at me or ye may think I dinnae ken what I am sayin’ but it’s the truth. Even if ye claim I’m too young, even if ye claim I was only a bairn an’ still am, Iken me truth. It has always been love, even if it was a different kind o’ love when I was younger. It’s true that me feelings fer ye were once innocent, like ye said, but they are nae innocent anymore. Me love fer ye has changed an’ shifted throughout the years, but it’s always been love.”
Alicia’s words came out in one breath, and she hardly drew in any air into her lungs until she was done. Instantly, heat flooded her face and she was certain she was bright red, but she refused to allow herself to be a coward once again, so she didn’t look away from Samuel. She wanted to see his expression. She wanted to look into his eyes and know the truth of what he felt when he heard what she had to say, even if it would hurt.
For what seemed like an eternity, Samuel said nothing. He only stood there, frozen in the face of Alicia’s confession, but she could see the battle that he waged against himself. She could see it in the tense line of his shoulders, in the pained look in his eyes, the way the skin around them crinkled with it.
One thing she could not understand was how he could still deny the truth of their situation. They wanted each other. Alicia loved him and she knew that Samuel loved her in a way as well. Even if it wasn’t the same love she held for him, it was a kind of love, accompanied by desire, and that was more than enough for her. How could he think what they were feeling for each other was wrong? How could love ever be wrong, she wondered?
She was a grown woman now, and no one could deny that. If she was old enough to wed a man twice her age, then she was old enough to know what she wanted.
When Samuel said nothing, though, Alicia began to lose hope. Would he stay silent forever?
“Please,” she said softly. “Please, Samuel… say somethin’. Anythin’.”
Still, he did not speak. Instead, he took a step forward and cupped Alicia’s face in his hands, his palms warm and rough against her cheeks as he gazed at her. And then, before she could be filled with any more doubt, he surged forward and kissed her.
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