Page 46 of A Forbidden Night with a Scot
When everyone else finally went to sleep, leaving Samuel alone, he decided it was time to see Alicia, or at least see if she was still awake. It was late, the moon high up in the sky casting its coldglow over the castle, but knowing her, he had a feeling she would be up, worrying about her father and the future.
Just as he had expected, when he knocked on her door, she was quick to open it, still dressed in day clothes as if she had no intention to sleep. The moment she saw him, she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him in a tight hug, one Samuel was quick to reciprocate, wrapping his own arms tightly around her waist.
She clung to him without making a sound. Samuel buried his face in her hair, whispering soothing words to her until she peeled herself off him, just enough for their gazes to meet.
“I was so concerned fer ye,” she said. “I didnae see ye at all… were ye injured in the attack?”
“Only a little,” said Samuel, showing her the wound on his forearm. The healer had tended to it after she was done with Gavin, and had assured him it would heal soon with no problems. “Dinnae fash about me. Did ye an’ Katherine see yer faither?”
“Aye,” said Alicia. “We saw him afore dinner. Did ye?”
“Aye. He looks well.”
Alicia nodded silently, as though she didn’t quite believe it. Samuel didn’t quite believe it either and a part of him feared thatdespite the healer’s assurances, his friend was not as well as they both claimed, but he had to have hope.
“Alicia…” Samuel said, and then his voice trailed off, uncertain of how to proceed. Alicia looked at him expectantly, a small frown between her brows. “I wish tae speak with ye. Can I come in?”
Glancing over her shoulder, Alicia shook her head. “Katherine didnae wish tae sleep alone, an’ she’s in bed,” she said. “Nae here. Let us go tae yer rooms.”
Nodding, Samuel took her hand and guided her to his chambers, lingering by the door as he led her inside. For a few moments, he only watched her as she took in her surroundings, visiting the room for the first time. It had little of Samuel in it—some clothes, some books, several papers. The rest of it, the rich, dark green tapestries and the large, four-post bed were all things that had been in there for generations.
Samuel’s heart did a funny thing in his chest as he looked at Alicia in that room. It skipped a beat or two, and then a strange ache spread over his chest as though the mere sight of her was enough to ruin him. She looked like she belonged there. She looked like that was the place where she should spend all of her nights.
With a little hesitation, Alicia sat on the edge of Samuel’s bed and he soon joined her, sitting by her side. There was so much he wanted to tell her—most of all he wanted to tell her how he felt, how much he loved her, but he struggled to get the words out.What was there he could say that could explain not only the force of his feelings, but also the conflict battling inside him?
He loved her, yes, and he had made up his mind that he would do anything in his power to be with her. Still, at the same time, the guilt lingered, and no matter how many times he or Nerian or even Alicia herself told him he was not a terrible man for feeling this way, he couldn’t get the thought out of his head.
Tentatively, Alicia reached for Samuel’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “What is it ye wished tae speak tae me about?”
If I dinnae say it now, I never will.
“Alicia, after that night at the loch, after I kissed ye fer the first time… ye must understand, I felt terrible,” Samuel said, which perhaps wasn’t the best way to start this conversation, but he needed to make sure Alicia knew that the guilt gnawed at him relentlessly. “An’ then after the night we shared, I kept wonderin’ if perhaps this was all a mistake, if I had done irreparable harm tae ye.”
Alicia’s expression hardened as she stared at him in disbelief. “I’ve told ye already, there is naething ye can dae tae me that I?—”
“Let me finish,” Samuel said, interrupting her by raising a hand. “I really was concerned about ye an’ about what I’ve done tae ye. I still am. But when those men attacked us, I couldnae ignore the truth anymore.”
Frowning, Alicia pulled back from him, untangling their hands, but Samuel was quick to grab it again, holding her close. “I love ye, Alicia. I have always loved ye, but now I love ye like a man loves a woman an’ there is naething I can dae tae change that. I have tried. I really have. I’ve tried tae avoid ye, I’ve tried tae keep me thoughts away from ye, I’ve tried everythin’ I could, but I cannae deny it anymore. I love ye with all me heart an’ all I want is tae make ye happy. I was so scared I would lose ye in that forest. I was so scared Colm MacLaine would take another from me or that I would die without ye kennin’ how much ye mean tae me. So, I had tae say it. I had tae tell ye the truth. An’ if ye love me, then ye’ll make me the happiest man in the world, but if ye dinnae, that is also alright. I only wish fer ye tae be happy.”
Alicia was stunned into silence, blinking at Samuel as though she could hardly believe what he had told her. Samuel could hardly believe it himself. He had spent so long in denial that finally confessing his feelings was like a weight lifting off his shoulders and he was finally freed.
“Dae ye mean it?” Alicia asked, her voice quiet and uncertain as though she didn’t quite believe him.
“O’ course I mean it,” Samuel assured her. He reached for her, his fingers brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. “The thought o’ ye marryin’ another man is enough tae destroy me, Alicia. I’ll dae anythin’ tae keep ye away from Laird MacTavish, I swear it.”
Perhaps the king would be open to a marriage between him and Alicia, and a different kind of alliance between Clans MacTavishand MacLachlan. He only hoped that he wouldn’t command a marriage between Laird MacTavish and Katherine; that would devastate not only the girl herself, but also Alicia and her father, and it would be no real solution to their problem. Samuel didn’t want to condemn Katherine to such a fate.
“I love ye, Samuel,” Alicia breathed, the words so soft and sweet that Samuel couldn’t help but pull her close and kiss her, allowing himself to fully feel her love for the first time.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Alicia’s heart beat so fast that she feared she would pass out from sheer excitement. She had never expected to hear those words from Samuel’s mouth, and in fact, she had even resigned herself to the fact that they could never be together. For all the effort she had put into convincing him his feelings weren’t evil, and for all he had given in to his desires that night at the inn, she had never truly believed that a future with him was possible. Ever since they had left Castle MacLachlan, she had known there was only one future for her: a few days in Samuel’s presence before she was taken to Castle MacTavish, where she would meet her future husband.
She had not been at peace with this, but she had accepted it as an immutable fact. And yet now there was another path forward, one she never thought would be possible and one that she now feared, at least in part.
Samuel was willing to fight for her, for them. He was willing to try, but it didn’t mean he would succeed. What if his decision angered Laird MacTavish and the king? What if it angered herfather and he forced them apart, forbidding them from seeing each other ever again?
It sounded more likely than she wanted to admit to herself. Though her father would give her—however reluctantly—to Laird MacTavish, Alicia doubted he would be as willing to accept a relationship between her and one of his oldest and closest friends. She couldn’t even blame him for it. Maybe if she had been in his shoes, she thought, she would be just as furious as she imagined he would be.
