Page 50 of A Forbidden Night with a Scot
Was this a warning?
“I though she might have shared it with ye, aye,” said Samuel, for lack of anything better to say.
“She also told me that ye feel guilty about it,” Katherine said. The candid, unflinching way in which she spoke about this surprised Samuel, as Katherine was always the quiet one, the one who seemed meeker, softer. Now, having her before him and listening to her speak plainly about this matter made Samuel realize that she, too, had grown into a woman. “An’ that ye fear faither will be angry.”
“How can I nae?”
There was no point in denying anything Katherine had said. He had been the one to say it all in the first place, after all, confiding in Alicia. Everything Alicia knew, Katherine knew as well, and so there was no point in trying to keep any of his guilt or fear hidden.
For a few moments, Katherine was silent, chewing on the inside of her bottom lip. When she spoke, her words were slow and measured, making her sound mature beyond her years.
“It will certainly be an adjustment fer Faither,” she said. “But what he truly wants is tae see Alicia happy. When Emmeline was taken away from us, he was devastated, an’ he never wanted another o’ his daughters tae suffer the same fate. I’m sure he would rather Alicia wed a man who loves her and whom she loves rather than a man she doesnae even ken. All Faither wants is tae see her happy an’ ye make her happy.”
Those were all nice words, Samuel thought, but the core of the matter was the fact that no one but Gavin himself could tell him how Gavin would feel about this relationship. Everyone around him was well-meaning. Everyone saw Gavin as the good man he was, the man who wanted the best for his daughters. But precisely because Samuel knew Gavin wanted the best for his daughters, he wouldn’t want one of them to marry one of his oldest friends.
“Sometimes makin’ someone happy isnae the only thing that matters,” Samuel said. “Sometimes there is also the matter o’ what is right, what is decent. Can I claim to be decent?”
Katherine seemed to truly consider his question for a moment, her brows stitching together in a frown. “I think ye can, aye,” she said.
The simplicity of her answer struck Samuel, chest constricting at the knowledge that she was so confident he was a decent man. Katherine was just as protective of her sister as Alicia was of her. Had she thought Samuel was a monster, like he feared, then she would have made her feelings known.
“All ye have done so far is make me sister happy,” Katherine said with a small shrug. “She is thrilled when she is around ye. We all enjoy seein’ her like this, especially after all the pain the separation from Emmeline caused her. Had ye hurt her, either on purpose or by accident, then I wouldnae be here now. Ye’re nae the corruptin’ influence ye think ye are, Samuel. Ye’re simply a man. Ye’re a man who loves me sister an’ I ken ye will dae everythin’ in yer power tae keep her content. So why dae ye insist on punishin’ yerself?”
Samuel didn’t have a satisfying answer to that. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he couldn’t give one, not even to himself, and so he remained quiet, gaze dropping to his lap. It seemed easier, he supposed, punishing himself for what he believed was a great transgression, rather than confronting Gavin and telling him the truth.
Any sign of hatred from his friend would shatter him. They had known each other for so long, they had fought together and gone through tragedy together. The last thing Samuel wanted was to become the source of another tragedy for Gavin, one that would be more personal than anything he had experienced before.
When he said nothing in response, Katherine smiled once again and rose from the chair, heading to the door. Before she left, she looked at Samuel over her shoulder and said, “I will be with Faither tonight. Alicia is alone in her chambers. I think she would be very happy if ye visited her.”
Then, Katherine was gone, closing the door softly behind her and Samuel was left to wonder when the two girls had grown upso much. Katherine’s words slowly took root inside him, forcing him to reconsider his situation. If Alicia’s own sister, the very girl who would do anything to protect her from harm, assured him that he was not a monster for loving her, then perhaps she was right. Perhaps Samuel didn’t have to worry so much about corrupting her and pulling her into sin with him.
And perhaps, if he was lucky, then Gavin would see it the same way.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
After Katherine’s departure, Samuel stared at the blank surface of his door for several moments, thinking. Like Katherine had said, Alicia was alone. This would be the perfect opportunity to talk to her, the only time he could use in order to truly be around her in the midst of all this chaos. It would be the perfect opportunity to visit her and kiss her and hold her, no one around to disturb them.
It took him a few attempts to convince himself to get up from the chair and make his way to the door, then to Alicia’s rooms. There, he hesitated once more, staring the door down as if it was his opponent.
All I must dae is knock. So why is it so difficult?
Raising his fist, he finally, slowly knocked on the hard wood, and in a few moments, the door opened to reveal Alicia there, preparing for bed and wearing a look of surprise on her face along with the soft nightgown around her shoulders.
“Samuel?” she asked. “What are ye doin’ here so late?”
Samuel hesitated, nervously shifting his weight from one leg to the other. “Katherine… she told me ye would be alone tonight an’ that I should… I should visit ye.”
Alicia smiled softly, slowly, her gaze dropping to the floor as her cheeks flooded with color. Stepping aside, Alicia let Samuel walk into the room and then closed the door behind him, the two of them awkwardly hovering around each other for a moment or two.
There was something different about that night, Samuel thought, and he knew Alicia could feel it, too. They were at the precipice, so close to the moment when they would both have to make a decision and stick with it. Samuel had already made his—he would speak to Gavin. He had to finally tell him the truth, even if that meant fighting off all of his fears in order to achieve it.
“I’ve been thinkin’…” Samuel said as he turned to face Alicia, the two them still standing near the door. “I shall speak with yer faither soon. It is time we resolve this issue, there is nae point in delayin’ it any further. It will only worsen our position against the king. The more I wait, the more he, too, waits fer ye tae wed Laird MacLaine an’ the more disappointed he will be when he finds out that weddin’ willnae happen.”
If the bright, excited smile Alicia gave him was any indication, she was pleased by Samuel’s decision, just as he had expected she would be. All the awkwardness between them dissipatedwhen she threw herself into his arms, wrapping hers around his neck and holding tightly onto him as she buried her face in his shoulder. The solid warmth of her body was a balsam like no other, soothing Samuel’s fears instantly.
Nothing that felt so right, so perfect, could ever be wrong. Nothing could tear them apart, either, not if Samuel didn’t let it.
“Faither is well,” Alicia assured him. “He is gettin’ better every day. I’m sure he is well enough tae listen tae what ye have tae tell him. Dinnae fash about him. He is strong.”
