Page 40 of Bound to a Scot
“So, why arenae ye?”
Maddox took another sip of his wine to cover for the fact that he didn’t have an answer to that question. He knew she was right. He should apologize to the man for what he’d done. It was supposed to be a friendly sparring session, and he’d let his pride and ego take control and turn it into something else. Maddox knew he’d let his petty jealousy as well as his insecurities lead him to fighting the man so hard, he’d injured him. He had been silly and immature, and Maddox knew what he’d done was wrong.
However, despite knowing all that, he couldn’t bring himself to apologize to the man. Maddox told himself it was because they were both warriors and the shot to the nose he’d given the man was nothing. It was less than a scratch. Both of them had suffered worse injuries. He told himself Lorn wasn’t looking for an apology. He would never admit it to anybody, but deep down, Maddox knew the real reason for his unwillingness to apologize to Lorn directly was because he remained jealous of the man’s relationship to Emmeline. It was small and petty, he knew. But he couldn’t’ help the way he felt.
A small, patient smile touched Emmeline’s lips. “Ye need tae understand that Lorn is me closest friend. He’s been me only true friend in this castle since I arrived. He’s good tae me, he protects me. He takes care of me,” she said gently. “He’s been the only constant thing in me life since I was married off tae Burchard. So, I take what happens tae him personally. I may nae be able to wield a blade well enough tae protect him as he does me, but I try tae protect him any way I can. ‘Tis why I got so upset with ye and ‘tis why I think ye owe the man an apology.”
Maddox sat back in his chair and stared into his cup of wine as if the answers he sought could be found in the depths of the red liquid. He didn’t know what to say to her in response to that. On an intellectual level, he understood it. On an emotional level though, he couldn’t stop that sharp stab of petty jealousy that pierced his heart. It was ludicrous, he knew. It was even more outlandish than that, given that he had no claim to Emmeline.
She drained the cup of wine and got to her feet. “’Tis late. I should go tae bed.”
“Aye. Of course,” he replied. “Thanks fer the game. And the conversation.”
“’Twas nice.”
Her gaze lingered on his and her smile was so beautiful, it almost stole his breath.
“Good night, Emmeline.”
“Good night, Maddox.”
His eyes remained fixed on her as she left the room and only when she was gone did he get to his feet. He crossed the room and poured himself another cup of wine and walked to the window in the salon, staring out at the moonlight-bathed land beyond. He took a sip of his wine as he gazed at the coldly monochromatic landscape beyond the window, his mind swirling.
Maddox understood Emmeline’s loyalty to Lorn. It was absolute and unwavering. It was just one more thing on the growing list of things he admired in her. But he also knew himself well enough to know his petty jealousy and insecurity only served to complicate everything. It kept him from doing the right thing with Lorn and it would keep him from doing the right thing by Emmeline.
But then, given the situation as it was and the fact that he would never have Emmeline, he supposed it was all a moot point anyway. Once he’d wed Cecilia and carried her back to his lands, he would likely rarely see Emmeline. It was a thought that brought him some small measure of relief in that he thought it might ease some of the conflict in his mind and heart. But it was also a thought that filled him with the most intense sadness and regret he’d ever felt in his life.
And Maddox wasn’t sure what to do with that.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Cecilia sat across the table from Emmy and Maddox was to her left as they ate their morning meal. Her father was not present, which she was thankful for. He was such a heavy, domineering presence and she never felt like she could relax around him. She had spent most of her life trying to please him. Trying to earn his approval. But nothing she did ever seemed good enough. He always found some fault or flaw in her. He always found some reason to dismiss and disregard her, to devalue and diminish her.
For most of her life, it had hurt Cecilia deeply. She had gone through her days chasing his approval and growing frustrated and increasingly despondent that she couldn’t attain it. Eventually though, she had stopped letting it cause her pain. It happened around the time she began to flower into womanhood, and she realized that her father saw her as little more than a commodity to be used to barter. A trinket to be dangled in front of an array of strange, sometimes terrible men, to get himself a better deal on something he wanted.
Maddox was the first man he’d paraded her in front of who seemed to be decent. He seemed to have a good heart. And unlike the other men her father had introduced her to, he didn’t seem too keen on immediately bedding her. He didn’t look at her with lust in his eyes or like he already had a list of carnal degradations he couldn’t wait to inflict upon her. Unlike those other men, he seemed to be genuinely kind.
And, he seemed as reticent to marry her as she was to marry him. She was glad for that. Maddox was the best of the lot and she had no doubt he would treat her well. But she didn’t want to marry. She was too young, and she wasn’t ready for marriage. More than that, she did not love Maddox. Perhaps it was foolish, but Cecilia wanted to marry the sort of man who inspired the kinds of feelings of love the poets wrote about. The kind of love that filled her heart with unfettered joy and made her smile every day upon waking.
She knew it was naïve. She was old enough to know how the world worked and knew that women usually did not have the option to marry for love. She knew her worth to her father was based on the return her virtue would bring him. She hated it. Hated that her value was determined by how much land or power he could accrue from the men who bargained for her. But she was realistic enough to know that that was what being a woman meant.
Emmy’s peal of laughter snapped Cecilia out of her thoughts. Her face was red, tears of mirth in her eyes, and she was letting out the sort of laugh Cecilia had seldom heard. It was boisterous and loud. Curious, Cecilia turned and studied Emmy for a moment.
“What’s so funny then?” she asked.
Emmy wiped the tears from her cheeks and tried to rein in her laughter. Maddox’s eyes sparkled and the smile on his face was wide. Cecilia had been so caught up in her own thoughts, she hadn’t heard what had set off Emmy’s fit of laughter.
“Oh, ‘tis naethin’,” Emmy said. “Just Maddox bein’ silly.”
“’Twas nae,” he said.
The laughter tapered off, but Cecilia didn’t miss the look and silent bit of communication the two of them shared. Cecilia was often quiet, and most people tended to overlook her for it. But one thing Cecilia did was watch. She was observant. She saw much more than other people and her intuitive nature allowed her to ferret out those things they thought they were keeping secret. By being almost invisible to other people, it let her see most everything.
For instance, she had seen a change in Emmy’s behavior toward Maddox. When he’d initially arrived at Castle Macfie, she had been cool and distant with him. She’d remained aloof, almost haughty. She had seemed to take great pains to avoid being in the same room with the man. Her father had to threaten and cajole her stepmother to even attend some of the evening meals with them. And when she did, Cecilia could feel the wall of ice between the two. It was strange. Overall, though, her stepmother hadn’t seemed to think much of Laird MacLachlan. Not at first anyway.
Then things between them had seemed to deteriorate even more. Cecilia had noticed it after Maddox had fought with Lorn in the sparring yard. They hadn’t known she was watching from a window, but Cecilia had been drawn by the clashing steel. She knew she shouldn’t have spied on them, but she was curious. She had watched Maddox get the better of Lorn and Emmy scream at him because of it. Cecilia had never seen Emmy so angry before. And in the days that followed the fight, they both seemed to be taking even greater pains to avoid each other.
But something had clearly changed. Far from being unable to stand the sight of each other, that evening they were laughing and carrying on like old friends. She had only seen Emmy laugh like that around Lorn. The sudden change was confusing. Cecilia didn’t understand how they had gone from arguing heatedly with each other to laughing along like they were the best of friends.
