Page 50 of Bound to a Scot
“It daes matter though.”
“It daesnae. I’m married. Ye’re about tae be married. We cannot indulge these childish notions,” she said with a strength she did not truly feel.
“I ken we should. But I dinnae want tae.”
“But we must,” she responded. “’Tis nae fair tae Cecilia. Or tae me.”
A shadow crossed Maddox’s face, and a frown flickered across his lips. Her words seemed to be sinking in. Speaking them though, came at a cost. Her heart was heavy, and her lipsquivered as she fought back the wave of tears building in her eyes. She knew it was necessary for her to do it, to put some distance between them—especially with Burchard seeming to want to catch them together—but it tore her heart out of her chest in ways she had never anticipated.
“We cannae dae this, Maddox. We cannae afford tae have what we want.”
“Maybe we cannae afford tae nae pursue this.”
“Maddox—”
“Dae ye really want tae live yer life always wonderin’ what could have been?” he pressed. “Dae ye really want tae spend all yer years from now until ye die wonderin’ what we might have had?”
“That’s the bleedin’ point. We cannae have anythin’,” she said. “I have a husband. Ye’re about tae have a wife?—”
“I dinnae want Cecilia as me wife. This marriage is bein’ forced upon me.”
“I dinnae doubt that’s true. But it doesnae change the fact that ye agreed tae it. Ye agreed tae take Cecilia as yer wife.”
Merely speaking the words, knowing that he would forever be out of reach for her when he married, sent a lance of pain through her heart and Emmeline had to draw in a long, shaking breath to steady herself.
“What if I break the bond? What if I break the alliance?—”
Her eyes widened. “Ye cannae dae that. Burchard is a vengeful man. Ye ken this. If ye break yer bond with him, he will seek tae punish ye. And Cecilia.”
Maddox fell silent, his face clouded over with emotion. Emmeline knew the torment in his eyes was reflected in hers. Her heart stuttered and she had to choke back the emotion that was bubbling to the surface within her. None of this was fair, or right. But then, as life had so harshly taught her, very little was fair and right in her world.
“I cannae pretend I dinnae feel this, Emmeline.”
“Ye’re goin’ tae have tae find a way tae nae feel it then.”
“I cannae?—”
“Ye must,” she hissed. “If we forget our place, if we give intae our childish desires, the results will be catastrophic. Fer all of us. Dae ye really imagine fer one moment that Burchard will let me go tae ye? Dae ye really believe there wouldnae be any consequences fer betrayin’ him that way?”
“I’m willin’ tae pay the price if it means?—”
“Ye’re nae listenin’ tae me. Ye willnae be the one payin’ the price by yerself, Maddox,” she almost screamed. “Dae ye really want tae see Cecilia punished because we gave intae these desireswe’re feelin’? Desires ye willnae be feelin’ a month from now when ye’re married and back in yer own lands, I might add.”
He leveled a long look at her, a frown on his lips. “This isnae a passin’ fancy fer me, Emmeline. This isnae as simple as a childish desire. What I feel fer ye I feel deeply, and nay matter what I dae, I cannae make meself stop thinkin’ about it.”
“Ye’re goin’ tae have tae find a way. This—whatever it is between us—is nothin’ we can ever indulge. Nothin’ we can ever explore. The stakes are too great and the consequences would be far too severe. Cecilia shouldnae be made tae pay fer our sins. I willnae let that happen.”
Maddox’s eyes remained fixed on hers and Emmeline couldn’t stop looking at the curve of his full lips. They were parted slightly and behind his teeth, she could see the pink tip of his tongue. She recalled the way it had felt in her mouth when he’d kissed her in what already felt like another lifetime. But the feeling that coursed through her body was every bit as powerful in that moment as it had been in the common room of the inn. She closed her eyes and had to physically stop herself from groaning as the memory flashed through her mind.
“Maddox, we cannae…”
He leaned forward, his eyes pinning her to the floor. Emmeline’s heart thundered in her chest and her stomach churned so wildly and her legs shaking so badly, she feared they were going to give out beneath her. He moved slowly and inexorably forward, and Emmeline couldn’t stop the desire that flooded through herbody. She wanted to feel his mouth on hers. Wanted to feel his hands on her body. And she wanted those things more than anything.
“Are ye sure?” he asked, his voice a gentle whisper.
His breath was warm on her cheek, and she could smell the scent of the wine he had been drinking before coming to see her. His lips brushed the lobe of her ear, sending a shiver across her body and filling her belly with more desire than she’d ever felt. Her arousal gripped her tightly, igniting the fire in her center and slicking the insides of her thighs. She wanted this. She wanted him. More than she’d ever wanted anything.
But she knew it could not be. He would be a desire forever left unfulfilled. A tear spilled from the corner of her eye and raced down her cheek. Maddox saw it and pulled back. He saw the torment and grief etched into her face and he his expression showed sympathy tinged with guilt. His lips curled down and he took a step back.
