Page 49 of Ignite
Rev mimics my position, plopping down on his butt a few feet from me. “Lenny knew the risk he took settling down in the city with a record like his. He wasn’t afraid of death.”
I sigh. “No, but he shouldn’t have faced it this early.”
After a few minutes of silence, Rev asks, “Did you think Ezra was to blame?”
The slight downward curl of my lip gives me away.
“Oh, Cain. What did you do to him? Is he tied up somewhere? Don’t tell me you finally decided to kill him.”
“How do I constantly want to punch you in the face?” I mutter, shaking my head. I clutch at my hair. “Ezra’s… not good. I fucked up. I showed him some of our files, thinking I could catch him in a lie about working for Gabriel. It really messed him up.”
Rev mulls this over. “Did you call Isaac?”
“No, but I plan on it.” I smash the heels of my hands into my eyes, hissing when the sweat makes them sting. “My day is already booked up.”
“Drop some of your meetings on my calendar. I’ll handle them. Hell, why don’t you take the day off to make it up to the thief? Spend some time with Lenny’s family, too.”
I comb over my mental calendar and find nothing that Rev couldn’t deal with on his own. Cracking my neck, I reply, “I’ll think about it.”
Rev holds out a bottle of water for me. I gulp it down, spilling droplets on my bare chest as I walk to the trash can. When I toss the drained bottle, I spot Ezra reflected in the mirrors, lurking in the doorway.
His haunted eyes meet mine. He shifts his weight back and forth, seemingly uncertain about his place in this world. It fucking guts me.
“On that note,” Rev says, slinging a towel over his shoulder. “I’m going to shower for the second time and pass the fuck out for real. Still slow on the left arm, boss. Ezra, I’ll see you in the gym tomorrow.”
Rev lingers until Ezra acknowledges him with a dip of his chin.
I can’t stop my feet from carrying me over to Ezra to better assess him. I wish I could rewind this entire day. He’s got dark circles under his eyes. His hair is sticking up higher on one side, in desperate need of a wash, and his shoulders are so tense, I ache to knead my fingers into his muscles to loosen them.
“I’m sorry.” I push out the words.
“It’s okay,” he whispers. “It’s not your fault.”
My hand raises, hovering just beneath his chin. I wait, searching his eyes. I need evidence that my touch isn’t going to break him.
He lowers his chin to meet my fingers, and I stroke them along his silky skin.
“I am not a good man, Ezra,” I admit, hating the tightening in my throat. “I don’t have many morals. I don’t trust easily. It has only managed to burn me. I’ve spent half my life killing people for our country and the other half fumbling through it, trying to pretend to be normal.”
Eyes wide, Ezra tilts his head up to look at me. I wish I could dive into the well of pain he keeps hidden away and figure out who hurt him. That was what I was built for. Hunting.
My other hand curls into a fist at my side. “You can leave here if that is what you wish. I’ll have security on you until Gabriel is dealt with, I promise.”
Ezra’s face scrunches up. “You don’t want me here?”
My heart thuds hard against my ribs. I swear he was designed to destroy me. I slide both of my hands into the soft hair at the back of his neck, tilting his head so our eyes are locked. “That’s not it at all. I just don’t want you to lose yourself if you decide to stay with me.”
Ezra’s brows furrow as he processes my words. I’m giving him a choice. Giving him an out from my dark world and messed up methods and unnecessary, violent moods.
His hand comes up to cuff my wrist. “I was already lost, Cain.”
My arms wrap around him before I can think better of it. Ezra nuzzles against my sweaty chest. We stand like that for a while, just holding each other up. Fighting to keep even breaths. To stay together.
“I don’t see an easy life for me or Jakey,” Ezra says. “At least with you, I can learn how to protect him. Maybe I can become strong enough to help those kids. I would never hurt them, Cain.” His breath hitches as he fights back a sob. “I would have never gone along with that job if I’d known that was a possibility. I… I think I hate myself for it.”
I bury my face in his hair. I like that he smells like my shampoo. I like him in my clothes, too, regardless of the fact that I bought him his own.
I clutch him tighter, desperate to meld him to me. To shape him back into a whole human after I took a sledgehammer to his foundation.
