Page 19 of Healing Hearts
Listening to him talk fills me up in a way I wouldn’t have expected, as though some part of me has become deeply invested in his happiness too.
When my gaze connects with Em’s across the table, just before the call comes to an end, I see the soft affection in her gaze.
“He’s a really lucky kid,” I say when Emily ends the call.
“Getting to spend the break in Arizona?”
“Having you for his mom,” I say, sopping up more of the sauce with the chicken and potatoes.
She doesn’t meet my gaze for a beat, and then when she does, there are tears in her eyes.
“That means a lot, you know. I’ve been trying so hard to keep myself together since Omar died, and then after Dad died. And if you think I’m holding it together really well, then maybe Amir does too. Maybe he doesn’t realize how broken his mom is.”
“Fuck, Em,” I say, and the legs in my chair screech on the floor as I get to my feet and circle the table, hauling her into a tight hug. “It’s okay to be a little bit broken after everything that’s happened to you. And I mean it when I say you never have to hold anything together around me. Never.”
“I can’t even get him tested because I’m worried the result will wreck me.” She cries into my shirt. “But it feels irresponsible not to know, to be aware.”
“It’s not irresponsible. There’s no cure. Knowing or not knowing doesn’t change that right now.” I take a deep breath, because part of this doesn’t seem like any of my business, but I hate seeing her suffer. “Right now, it feels like he has it, doesn’t it? Isn’t that the weight of not knowing? Can you imagine if he doesn’t? How much relief would you feel?”
“But what if he does?”
“Do you think that weight would truly be heavier than the one you’re carrying right now?”
Em steps back and rubs her eyes. “If I get him tested, will you…” She takes a shaky breath, her voice thick with tears. “Will you be with me when I get the results?”
“Whenever, if ever, you decide to do it, I’ll be in lockstep with you, I promise. Whatever you need, you’ve got me. I promise.”
She flings herself at me again, and I hug her tight, breathing in the smell of peaches and the scent that’s all Em just underneath.
After we clean up from dinner, Em asks if we can just watch a movie, so we go into the living room. She puts her head on my lap, and I run my fingers through her hair as we watch one of theFast and Furiousmovies. Mindless entertainment.
When she falls asleep, I carefully scoop her into my arms, and I carry her to bed. As I’m laying her down, she wakes up, and she grips the back of my neck, clearly disoriented for a minute.
“There’s just one thing that bothers me about the donor,” she whispers, as though we’ve been having a silent conversation all day.
“What’s that?”
“I’ll have another kid who doesn’t have a dad, and I was really hoping it would be different this time, you know? That I wouldn’t have to do it alone.”
I kiss her forehead and her temple. “You’re not alone. You’ve got your family, and you’ve got me. I’m not going anywhere. Get some sleep.”
I tuck her into bed, and she turns onto her side, her eyes closing.
At the door, I stand watching her for a beat, my heart aching for all the weights that seem to be dragging her down. I’d do anything to ease any of them if I could.
Chapter Nine
Trent
The roads are still closed, and the walkway and driveway need to be blown clear again when we wake up. I send a text to Earl, my boss, to let him know I’m still stuck in Little Falls. Luckily, I keep a spare set of clothes in my car for nights when I get so into fixing something at the shop that I stay over.
Downstairs, I’ve just pushed down the toaster when Emily appears. I hand her a coffee, and when the toaster pops, I put two waffles on a plate, give them a liberal douse of maple syrup, and pass her the plate.
“Used all the good stuff in the casserole yesterday,” I say. “I guess I need a lesson in rationing.”
She smiles and takes the plate. “Breakfast and coffee two days in a row?” She slides into one of the kitchen chairs and lets out a satisfied sigh. “Seriously, I’m kidnapping you. I’m going to tie a chain to your leg. Give you enough room to move around the house but not out the door.”
“That doesn’t sound psychotic at all.”
