Page 22 of Healing Hearts
Emily takes her dishes to the sink and comes back to grab mine. I lean back in my chair and take a long pull from the glass of water she gave me. “Die Hard.”
“Controversial choice.”
“Only for people with no taste,” I say.
“I’ve never actually seen it,” Emily admits, slotting the dishes into the dishwasher.
“Criminal,” I say, rising to start the water for the dishes too big for her small dishwasher. “We’ll rectify that tonight.” I bump her shoulder, and she smiles at me.
“Looking forward to being schooled.”
Emily’s head is back in my lap, and I’ve got my fingers in her hair, idly playing with strands while we watch the film. Maybe it’s a bit too intimate, but she doesn’t protest, and I like when I can touch her without it becoming loaded with sexual tension. For whatever reason, her head in my lap and my hands in her hair is more comforting than hard-on inducing.
We’re half-way through the movie when Emily takes the remote and lowers the volume.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about something, and I’m really nervous to talk to you about it,” she says without turning to look at me.
“Okay,” I say, my heart kicking. I can’t imagine what she’d want to talk to me about that would make her nervous, given everything we’ve covered in the last year of friendship. “You can talk to me about anything. I’m not gonna judge, Em.”
“Right, well, it’s less about the judging and more about the freaking out,” she says with a little laugh, but she’s still staring at the TV rather than turning to look at me. She takes a deep breath. “I want to buy Bruce’s shop and we can do a rent-to-own type of situation.”
“Em—”
“Let me finish. Yesterday, one of the reasons you didn’t want to do it was because you said I wouldn’t get anything out of it. But what if...What if I did?”
“Like interest payments?”
“More like a deal,” she says, her voice quiet. “I want a baby, and you want that shop.”
I sit in stunned silence for a minute, trying to figure out whether I’m interpreting what she’s saying correctly. “You want me to father your child? Is that...Is that what you’re saying?”
She sits up and scoots back from me so she’s sitting cross-legged on the couch facing me, but she still won’t make eye contact. “I know it’s a wild idea, but I think it could work. We’d both get what we want. And neither of us wants a relationship, but we get along really well. You’re already so important to Amir.”
I run my hands down my face, not quite sure what to say. “This isn’t a small thing, Em.”
“I know. I know.” She sneaks a glance at me. “And you hate it. Oh, god. Please tell me I haven’t ruined our friendship.”
I take a beat to gather my thoughts before I respond. “I don’t have any intention of having kids at all, if I’m honest. I would never want to bring a kid into the world attached to my reputation.” My mind strays to Leann’s reaction to me today. “It’s just not in the cards for me.”
“You don’t have to pay for the mistakes you made at nineteen forever.”
“Maybe not, but I’m nowhere near making up for what happened back then. Not even close. I’ve barely pounded out one dent in my reputation, you know? I can’t do that to a kid.” I run my hands along the top of my head and scan Em, trying to figure out whether I say more. “And even if there wasn’t that, I don’t want to fuck up our friendship. I already did that with Lila by being too careless, not understanding the weight of my actions, and there’s no doubt about the weight here.”
“I think we’d be okay,” Em says.
“Maybe we would. But if we weren’t, it’s not just you and me. I love your kid. The other day when we were on the phone with him, I realized that I want him in my life forever. If you and I fuck up our relationship, that’s not fair to him, either. He’s already lost so much.”
Em finally looks at me and there are tears in her eyes. “It just seemed like the perfect solution for both of us.”
“But at what cost?” I ask. “I don’t jump in anymore without checking the depth. I learned my lesson there.”
“I could still—I’d still do the loan, you know that, right?”
“I know, but mixing money and friendship is a bad idea too.” I shake my head.
“I hope I haven’t ruined anything in our friendship by asking, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I just...I had to ask.”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” I say. “It would take a hell of a lot more than you offering me the honor of fathering your kid to break our friendship. Truly, Em. Whoever gets to be that person for you is going to be a lucky fucker.”
