Page 64 of Healing Hearts
She’s never been just any woman to me, and sex with her has always meant something, but I can almost sense what we’re doing slipping past meaningsomethingto meaningeverything.
And for the first time, I’m worried we’llneverbe the same when this is over.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Emily
Victoria’s first birthday party is a weird mix of extravagant and down-to-earth. A lot of Mia’s friends from the music industry have invaded Little Falls and my mom’s house. Sarah Telling is the only one I know by sight, and her husband has been making the rounds to every woman in the room as though he’s the true gift at this party. A relationship like that would not be for me.
Pasha isn’t on duty today, but you’d never know it from how he’s lingering by the door, constantly checking on those who are supposed to be standing watch. Since I’m trying to avoid Sarah’s husband and not make it look like I’m so attached to Trent that I can’t leave him alone, I wander over to him.
“Lot of people here,” I say as I gaze up at him.
He nods. “Yes.” He hesitates for a beat and then he says, “Mia told me it was the anniversary the other week. It’s always a hard day.”
“It is, yeah,” I agree, searching for Trent in the crowd without meaning to. “Mia told me you lost your fiancée in Russia.”
“Yes,” he says. “Was a long time ago now.”
“Time is weird like that, though, isn’t it? What feels long in some respects is short in others.”
“I talked to someone in Russia and here to figure out how to make it better in my heart,” he says. “Was not easy.”
“No,” I say, “it’s not easy. I never went to speak to anyone. I probably should have. Maybe it would have been easier for me to move through the grief. I don’t know if we ever move past it, necessarily.”
“What are you two talking about?” Mia asks, appearing at my shoulder.
“Grief,” I say. “It’s a really uplifting topic for a first birthday.”
Pasha frowns. “I—”
“That wasn’t directed at you,” I say to Pasha. “I appreciated you saying something. Too often we don’t because it feels awkward.”
He nods.
“Your mom was just talking to me about grief too,” Mia says.
“Oh, god,” I say. “What was she on about now?”
“She thinks you need to go to counseling to be able to move into a new relationship.”
I love Mia’s directness. At first when she returned, it was a bit hard to know how to take her, but she says what she means and she means what she says. She never delivers a line, at least to anyone in the family, with the intention of wounding or making things awkward.
“That is also a great conversation for a first birthday,” I say. “She’s projecting. She hasn’t gotten past Dad’s death.” And maybe six months ago, she might have been right about me too. But I don’t feel like I can’t move beyond Omar anymore. Whatever is happening between me and Trent has made me believe that itispossible to find what I once had, someday.
“Yeah,” Mia says. “I kind of wondered. She hasn’t seemed to have dealt with the loss much at all, and she really avoids talking about Tyler’s dad.”
“The memories are hard. Special but hard.” And I’m the same way when it comes to my dad. When Amir casually mentions something he used to do with my dad, my heart seizes for a moment, and it’s nothing for tears to form. “She just keeps herself extra busy,” I say. “And I’ve done that, so I get it.”
“Aww,” Mia says, nodding at one of the couches in the living room. “Trent and Amir with Victoria. So f-ing cute, right?”
“If you’ll excuse me,” I say, my heart in my throat, “they aren’t allowed to have baby cuddles without me.”
By the time I get to the couch, Amir has scampered off with Grady to toss the ball for the dogs outside.
Victoria is on Trent’s lap, and she keeps standing on his thighs to slobber kisses all over his face. Then she draws back to look at him as though she expects it in return, and he gives her a kiss on the cheek, and she giggles. Rinse and repeat. When she’s not kissing him, she’s got her fist in her mouth, drool running down.
I grab a cloth from the diaper bag and take a seat beside Trent, cleaning off Victoria’s face.
