Page 72 of Healing Hearts
Downstairs, Emily is still in the kitchen, standing at the counter, and it’s pretty clear she’s been crying.
Anger and sadness keep hitting me in waves, and I don’t even know what to do with all these pent-up emotions.
“Go tonight,” Emily says, “but come back.”
“You know that’s not going to happen. I’m not having my choices, my past, reflect poorly on you. That’s not fair.”
“I’ll stand beside you. I know you didn’t do this. You went to jail for god’s sake. You paid for your mistake. Who cares about the people who can’t see that?”
“Both of our jobs are dependent on people wanting to trust us, work with us. I’m not tanking your business when I’m already doing that to my own.”
“People will come around.”
“How many times do they have to come around, Em? How many times do I have to win them over?”
Tears are trickling down her cheeks, and it’s making my heart feel like it’s going to leave my chest to comfort her because my feet won’t move.
“Back in October, I felt like a shell of a person,” she says, her voice cracking. “And I don’t feel that way anymore, and that’s because of you. So I don’t care what the rest of the town thinks. I don’t care. They could all hate you, and I would still love you.”
I close my eyes and rock back on my heels. The truth is, I’ve seen the change in her, and I wanted it to be because of me, because of us, but in this moment, I don’t want that at all. But I also can’t lie to her—won’t.
“I love you too,” I say. “So fucking much. And that’s why I can’t stay. What’s happening to my life, I won’t have it happen toyours too. I can’t. It’s so much worse that I’m dragging you down too.” Then I push out the door and carry my bags to the truck.
Emily is still standing at the back door, and I can see her crying. It takes every ounce of self-control, every ounce of certainty that I can’t allow her to be coated with the mud of these accusations, to put my car in reverse and leave this life behind.
My mom comes out of her two-story house when I pull in the driveway. When she tries to take one of the suitcases, I shoo her away. I’m barely holding my shit together.
Last time when this happened, I knew I’d fucked up, and while it was devastating, it didn’t feel like this. A punch to the gut so hard that I’m almost doubled over with it.
I’m innocent. Haven’t done a single shady thing since I got out of jail. But the fact is that I don’t know for sure they won’t find anything in the shop because I know what a snake Dan is.
In my old bedroom, I dump my stuff, and my mom has followed me and is hovering at the door when I really, really need to be alone.
“I’m fine, Mom,” I say, trying to keep my voice even.
“You’re not fine,” she says. “I wouldn’t be fine if I was you, either. And there’s no shame in admitting that, in admitting that this situation is awful.”
“I’m not involved in any of this,” I say.
“I know that,” she says. “I work there. You think I wouldn’t know?”
I don’t bring up the fact that I did a lot of shit right in front of her nose when I was a teenager, and she didn’t have a clue.
“You know,” my mom says, wagging a finger, “I do wonder about Judy, though.”
“Judy?” I rub my face, not following.
“She works part-time for you, but she’s always flashing money around, talking about expensive things she’s bought, trips she’s planning. No second job that I know of.” She leans against the doorframe. “And someone tipped Dan off in the first place that the shop had lost business when you took over.”
“Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to make that leap, Mom. A lot of people in this town don’t like me.”
“From my experience, most people actuallydolike you, Trent. People didn’t know if they could trust you because you fooled so many of us last time.”
It’s not lost on me that she includes herself in that statement. And my past is exactly what makes this situation hard. Proving myself innocent when people are already suspicious is like trying to walk up a vertical wall.
“How was Emily?” Her voice is gentle, and when I glance at her, she must see something in my face because she tugs me into a hug. “Oh, baby,” she says. “It’s okay to let people in.”
“My reputation impacts her,” I say, my voice thick. “And I already fucked up with Maggie all those years ago. I can’t let that happen to another Sullivan. Iwon’tlet it happen to Emily.”
