Page 74 of Healing Hearts
“I’m in love with him,” I whisper, “and this whole thing is making me so angry and so sad, and I just…” My voice catches on a sob.
Maggie sets down her coffee and draws me into a tight hug. “Does he know?”
I nod against her shoulder, but I can’t get any words out. Last night, I tried so hard not to cry too much while I was talking to Trent. If he was going to stay, I didn’t want it to be because he felt sorry for me.
“Did he say it back?” Maggie asks, her voice gentle.
“Yeah,” I say, my voice thick as I step away, wiping my tears.I love you too. So fucking much. And that’s why I can’t stay.
Maggie grabs a tissue box from her counter and passes it to me. “That’s huge for him.”
Part of me knows his admission is a big step. The problem is that he brandished the feeling like a shield, as though it justified pushing me away rather than drawing me closer.
“He loves me, so he can’t drag me into this,” I say.
“Oh,” Maggie says, and she kneads the middle of her forehead with her index fingers. “And he’s really stubborn.”
“I am aware,” I say, releasing a shaky breath.
“If this gets resolved, do you want to be with him—like permanently?”
“I haven’t felt anything close to this since Omar died. Trent’s my person. Like, soul deep. And I know that seems over the top, but it’s true. I love everything about him, and I’m so...I can’t believe this is happening.”
Maggie picks back up her coffee, and she takes long sips, clearly thinking. “I don’t know how much headway you’ll make with him until the police confirm he had nothing to do with Dan’s drug bust.”
“You think I should just leave it alone?” I say, and my heart is already launching a protest in my chest.
“No,” Maggie says, carefully. “He’s going to try to push you away, and it’ll have to be up to you to make sure he doesn’t, that he can’t.”
“Oh, is that all?” I say, tears brimming.
“The reason Trent and I stayed friends through everything is because I didn’t give up on him. Maybe someone else would have let our friendship go, but what he did for me in high school—it meant more to me than the mistakes he made. So when he pushed, I pushed back. And yeah, it’s going to be harder to dothat in this town with half of them being assholes right now, but if what you want more than anything is him, then you don’t give up.”
“But you were never in love with him,” I say. “What if he never wants what we had again? What if I push back but I never get what I want from my persistence?”
Maggie sucks in a deep breath. “What’s the alternative, Em?”
That I never get any part of him, ever, at all. I set down my coffee on the counter, and I cover my face, another sob rising. “How did I get here?” I cry.
“You were brave enough to put your heart on the line again,” Maggie says, enveloping me in another hug. “Honestly, I’ve never seen Trent with another woman the way he is with you. If you give him time and don’t let him go too far, he’ll figure it out. I think he’ll figure it out.”
Except I know from the way she says it that, like me, she is not completely sure of that, that it’s entirely possible that Trent’s version of “figuring it out” has already happened. He’ll spare my reputation, but he’ll sacrifice both our hearts.
Chapter Thirty-One
Trent
Thomas calls to tell me the police need to speak to me again about something they discovered. He tells me he doesn’t believe it’s a big deal, but they have implicated Judy in Dan’s drug ring. They didn’t find anything at the shop, but they got a warrant for her house, and they located enough to charge her too.
Even though it’s not, it feels like everything is collapsing on my head. Maybe I wasn’t dealing drugs, but apparently, I was employing a drug dealer. Tell me that’s not going to rub people in Little Falls the wrong way, and I’ll call you a liar. Guilty by association.
My mom has gone for a grocery run because she’s braver than me, and for better or worse, she’s faced this kind of fall out before. Except this time, I didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m not sure if that makes facing people’s scrutiny better or worse.
Worse, I think. To be falsely accused is worse.
Emily’s car pulls into my mom’s driveway, and I take a deep breath before heading to the front door. I’d hoped she’dunderstand and stay away, but she’s stubborn, so I should have known better.
“Em, you shouldn’t be here,” I say as she gets out of her car.
