Page 12 of Forgive Me Not
‘But I couldn’t find you or Bligh.’
‘One of the goats managed to get out again. We found him by the pond,’ said Bligh.
‘I left a note on the kitchen table.’
‘Really?’ He raised both eyebrows, then he, Andrea and Alan all exchanged looks.
‘You think I’m lying?’ said Emma.
‘Would that besoout of character?’ said Andrea.
Emma held onto the back of a nearby chair. What was the point in arguing? They’d all given her plenty of chances before. Chances she’d scorned. It wasn’t enough to look clear-skinned and walk straight.
‘Sorry. You must have been very worried.’ She went over to Gail and knelt down. ‘It’s been lovely to see you,’ she murmured. The beer mat fell to the floor. She picked it up and handed it back, then, using the table to steady herself, pushed herself up. She caught Andrea’s eye. ‘Thank you for letting me have breakfast with Mum. I’ll head up to Foxglove Farm and collect my things. By the time you get back I’ll be gone. I’ll forward you my address when I get a new place to live, just in case… Sorry for the disruption.’
She took one last glance at Mum and almost knocked a chair over as she left.
15 months before going back
Emma and Joe stood yawning in the March sun. He’d actually come back last night, and they’d scraped together enough money for burgers and doughnuts. It had almost been like old times as they’d huddled together to keep warm, telling jokes and singing songs. He’d even kissed her goodnight, albeit only on the cheek.
‘Are you coming back tonight?’ Emma asked, squinting against the bright rays that highlighted the blonde streaks in Joe’s spiky hair. ‘Tomorrow’s Mother’s Day, so people will probably reach into their pockets more than usual.’ Like at Christmas, people’s generosity was directly proportional to the number of bags they carried.
‘Dunno. Don’t depend on it.’ A teenager skated past and almost hit Emma’s legs. ‘Oi!’ shouted Joe and pulled her to one side. He squeezed her arm. ‘Stay safe, Ems.’
‘I could come with you?’ she said, hating the neediness in her voice. She didn’t understand. Why was he creating distance between them?
‘Look… you know I think the world of you, but give this up.’ He sighed. ‘You and me… it’ll never work out. You know why.’
‘But I’ve been working on this plan – researching in the library…’ Her stomach tingled. She’d held onto her idea as if she were planning a surprise party. Now it was time for the big reveal. ‘Forget London. We could work abroad. Get away from all this.’
‘Abroad? Are you crazy?’
‘Yes. I mean no.’ She gave a nervous giggle. ‘Just think about it, Joe, we could easily do fruit-picking. With my experience in farming—’
‘I haven’t even got a passport. And where would we find the money for the flights?’
‘I… I’ve still got to work out the details.’
‘The basics, more like.’
‘We could work it out together.’
He shook his head.
‘But…’
He turned to go.
Cheeks flushed, she rummaged in her rucksack. ‘Here. Take these. The soup run was handing them out last week.’ She passed him a jar of vitamin tablets.
His face relaxed and he slipped the jar into his bag. ‘Right. I’m off. See ya around.’
Vision blurry, Emma headed to the shops. She passed a travel agency and scrutinised the deals in the window. Spain. Provence. Tuscany. If only she and Joe could start life over again. Mothercare caught her attention next, and she peered through the glass at bibs and prams. One day she’d love to have kids. She’d try to be the best mum ever. Perhaps she’d have girls who got on as well as she and Andrea had. But not for a few years. She needed to sort herself out first. Until then, whatever Joe said, she justknewthey were each other’s answer.
Eventually she pitched up outside a gift shop, away from the centre. Children of all ages stopped off to buy cards, giving her their change on the way out. Emma sat cross-legged in front of an empty Starbucks cup, trying not to think about Joe. Just for a few seconds that donated coffee had made her feel almost normal – whatever normal was.
Was it a house with a white picket fence? A mortgage and business lunches out? During her more aware moments, she observed passers-by going about their daily business. Couples hand in hand.X Factorwannabe buskers. Browbeaten parents proudly watching toddlers toddle. Football fans giving their all to the latest chant. Young executives with their polished shoes and space-age phones.
