Page 26 of Forgive Me Not
‘I don’t think so.’ Gently she manoeuvred him over to the sink. ‘A small cut will heal quicker than a burn. Your wound is the priority.’ She switched on the cold tap and held his palm underneath. She had forgotten how big his hands were. She recalled them carrying her up to bed after yet another night of carnage, and the same strong hands gently caressing her curves. Sometimes she’d giggled. Found it funny. Sober sex? Had she ever really had that?
Eventually she let go of his hand and cleaned up her own wound. Wincing, she covered it with a square of kitchen roll. Bligh tried to help.
‘It’s okay,’ she said, and pulled away. ‘Thanks, but I can manage on my own.’
He stared at her. ‘Where’s the jumping up and down? The squealing? That’s how you always used to react to the slightest pain.’ He sat down at the kitchen table. ‘The Emma I know never managed alone. All the scrapes… I became a dab hand with antiseptic cream and a bandage.’
For a few minutes the sound of running water cut between them like a time portal – him in the past, her in the present.
‘Remember what you used to call me?’ he said.
Emma sat down.
‘The fixer,’ he said. ‘Mediating between you and an angry Andrea – paying back your debts.’
He went to stand up, but gently Emma held his arm. ‘Please. Don’t go. Let’s talk about it.’
Bligh hesitated for a moment, then with a stony expression sat down again.
‘Yes, I did call you that, even before my behaviour started to get out of control. At school you were always there, lending me your homework to copy if I’d not gone mine done.’
‘I thought you really loved me, you know.’ His voice quietened. ‘But over the last year or so, you just saw me as someone to sort out your problems, didn’t you?’
‘I thought the world of you, Bligh.’ The wooden chair creaked as she shifted from side to side.
‘And was this Joe person, the good friend you mentioned when Gail went missing… was he another fixer?’
‘No. We helped each other.’
‘I couldn’t believe my luck when you agreed to go out with me, after years of us just being friends. Even as kids I knew you only liked me because I got you out of trouble. Like when I took the blame for Dad’s broken china teapot.’
‘I admit that caring side of you always appealed, because…’
‘What?’
‘My dad…’ she said.
‘You never had one.’
‘Exactly. Then you came along. Looked out for me. You were always so strong.’
‘You’re saying that you saw some school kid as a father figure – that’s pretty messed up.’ He got to his feet and made for the door.
‘Bligh. Please. Stay. We need to talk. It’s just… you gave me hope that not all men were losers like him. Every time you stood up for me, it made me feel good. I couldn’t believe my luck, either – couldn’t believe you thought of me romantically.’ All the girls in the class had admired his dark looks and easy manner, not that Bligh ever seemed to notice, laughing off love notes in his locker as his male friends’ idea of a joke.
‘Don’t lie,’ he said roughly, and folded his arms.
‘I’m not. Honest.’
‘Honest? That word used to be your tell.Honest, Bligh, I’ll be back for dinner. Honest, Bligh, I’ll never do it again. Honest, Bligh, this is the last time. I’ll give up tomorrow. I eventually worked out thathonestmeant the complete opposite.’
Emma hadn’t counted on other people’s memories being quite so detailed, as if they were reading from the memoir of someone she used to know. The new Emma was an empty book. It was up to her to fill it with positive words.
‘Remember all the dates we went on at the beginning, just before I started college?’ she said. ‘We lay in the fields amongst the wild flowers, holding hands, watching clouds. And we’d paddle in Healdbury stream, arms around each other’s waists. Before I got ill, those simple moments meant everything.’
Bligh’s arms dropped to his sides. ‘Even if they did, that phase didn’t last long. Once you started at that college in the city, you only wanted to go out with your friends. And that wouldn’t have mattered if you’d included me.’
‘I remember offering to shape your eyebrows once.’ She looked at his forehead and wondered why.
