Page 57 of Forgive Me Not
Alan walked over and Polly turned her head to stare.
‘Sorry for barging in, but a friend of mine is staying here… he’s called Joe. Bligh might have visited him this morning.’
‘The young man with the bruised face?’ Alan shook his head.
‘Is he still here?’
‘I’m afraid you’ve just missed him,’ said Polly. ‘He left about twenty minutes ago, muttering something about a train.’
Emma exited the pub and broke into a jog down the high street and up towards the station. A couple of people who’d ignored her before the cheese shop fire smiled. Emma squinted in the sunshine as she left the narrow nettle-lined path that led to the station’s approach. Heart thumping, she reached the pavement to the right of the huge automatic glass doors.
‘Joe?’ she said, out of breath. Thank God. He was sitting with a couple who’d recently turned up to her soup run. ‘Can we talk?’
‘I think Bligh’s done your talking for you.’
‘What did he say?’
‘Said to leave Healdbury, that there was nothing here for me; said that you didn’t need a man in your life right now – especially one who’d walk out on his own child.’
‘What?’ Bligh wasstilltrying to be her fixer?
‘He made it sound as if you really hated me…’ His eyes shone, revealing shades of the old, vulnerable Joe.
‘Of course I don’t. Look, we need to chat.’
Joe stood and picked up his rucksack. Cautiously, Emma linked arms. He didn’t pull away. She led him back to the narrow path that ran through a small grassy area. His rucksack slipped off and they sat down opposite each other, holding hands.
‘Me first,’ said Joe. ‘I’m really sorry for what I said about you purposely getting pregnant. You know I’d never think that. I was just reeling from the news that I’d become a dad without even knowing it – and then hadn’t.’
‘And I shouldn’t have lost my temper. The trouble is, now and then the miscarriage still feels raw. I had so many plans, you see.’ Emma swallowed. ‘The birth was going to be my new beginning and I felt so angry for her.’ She rubbed her thumbs over his palms.
His head dropped for a moment and then he looked up. ‘You were right, you know. It did take two. I shouldn’t have blamed you, and I realised that during recovery, but seeing you yesterday brought everything back. I think we were just coming at our friendship from different angles. When we met, I was such a mess. You were a bit older, kind… it felt good to feel someone was looking out for me. We had so much in common. I felt a connection.’
‘Whereas me, I saw a sweet-natured, pretty hot guy and my ego decided I could change your sexuality. Well, not even that – it just decided I could make you not care about it.’ She let go of his hands and pulled at a sphere of clover. ‘All your life you’d had people not accept you for who you were, and I was no better. But I’ve changed, Joe. Gained perspective. Everything’s clearer. It’s obvious to me now that you are – and always were – gay. The signs were there, but I ignored them. One thing I don’t understand, though… why didn’t you stop… you know… what happened that night, before things went too far? I honestly thought you’d enjoyed it, until I heard you crying afterwards. I’d have stopped straight away if I’d known it didn’t feel right for you.’
‘I… I know.’
‘Now I can appreciate how much that night must have devastated you. But at the time, I just drank more and told myself you were simply having a bad day.’
‘I was out of it. It all felt blurred, as if my body was on automatic. It was only when I came off that high that I realised we’d actually…’
‘Please forgive me, Joe. I’m so sorry.’
‘Only if you forgive me too.’
They both leant forward and hugged. For once, Emma broke contact first.
‘Look at us,’ she said, ‘letting go of resentments. Our case workers would be proud.’
Joe swatted away a fly. ‘So… I’m pretty hot, am I?’
‘Remember, I used to have a crush on Piers Morgan, so some might say my hotness radar is off.’
He smiled, just a little.
‘I’ve missed this, Joe – especially a few weeks into rehab, when I realised I’d never really been in love with you. It was all the illness. I knew that I’d ruined a special friendship. I was so angry with myself.’
‘Don’t relive it. We’re in each other’s lives again. That’s all that matters.’
