Page 60 of Forgive Me Not
Emma:Hello? Rachel? You there?
Rachel:Hi there! What are you up to?
Emma:Eating chocolate. You?
Rachel:I’ve had a knackering day at work, so me and Idris are spending the night together
Emma:
Rachel:You okay?
Emma:Yes. No. I don’t know. Memories. Bad ones. They keep coming back. I just needed someone to chat to.
Rachel:Oh lovely, I understand. I’m here for you – I mean, you did listen to me for over an hour last week after I had that run-in with a client. Do you keep replaying the past?
Emma:Yes. Sometimes it just won’t go away.
It made her want to drink. It did. There. She’d said it. Despite all her efforts to get sober. Despite how bad she knew life with alcohol used to be.
Rachel:I still have sleepless nights, you know, hating on myself for the things I’ve done.
Emma:You do?
Rachel:Of course. That’s probably normal, don’t you think? Now we’ve got perspective, it gives the past a whole different feel. But I reckon the horror will eventually pass.
Emma:It’s just with it being Valentine’s Day I can’t help thinking about all the relationships I’ve messed up.
Just one glass would make her feel so much better. Take the edge off. Give life that warm glow it was currently missing.
Rachel:Oh dearie me – that’s not a pity party you’re holding, is it?
Emma:Why? Wanna come?
Rachel:No thanks! I’m perfectly happy.
Emma:Are you?
Rachel:Um, yes. I am actually. I’ve been meaning to tell you…
Emma:??
Rachel:I… I’ve met someone. I was too scared to tell anyone in case I jinxed it. I haven’t got the best track record either.
Emma:Right. Gosh. Congratulations.
Rachel:It’s Rick. The guy from work I mentioned a few weeks ago, who’s been really supportive. We’ve been out for a few coffees and started going to the gym together. He’s given me some great tips on healthy eating. I wasn’t sure at first, I mean – I’d forgotten what genuine attraction felt like. For the last few years I’ve always had my beer goggles on when going for the opposite sex. But he’s really sweet, Emma – and clever. His edgy designs make mine look like doodles.
Emma:I’m sure that’s not true. So you aren’t out with him tonight?
Rachel:No. He’d arranged a couple of months ago to take his dad to a big band concert.
Emma:He sounds decent. So… have you and he…
Rachel:
Emma:!!
Rachel:Weird it was. Weird in a good way, but very different. Tess once talked about this – said it can be hard to get used to, getting naked without the drink fooling you you’re a sex god. I felt so self-conscious about how I looked, how I sounded and whether Rick was having a good time. Awful to admit, but it’s the first time in years I’ve thought about what my partner wanted.
