Page 62 of Forgive Me Not
Emma:How’s that going?
Rachel:Not bad. We met up again yesterday. I’ve done my amends and she says she accepts them and even said sorry for a few things herself. Apparently she was always proud of my degree – just disappointed for me that I didn’t do better. And so worried about my drinking. It made her feel guilty.
Emma:Why?
Rachel:Sometimes she felt selfish that she’d sent my father away. She said that at the time she hadn’t been thinking about me – that I might have needed a father in my life and that he could have helped in so many ways. So when I almost flunked my degree, when I began drinking, she blamed herself. I’ve told her that’s rubbish. We’ve talked it all through. We even hugged.
Emma:Oh Rachel, I’m so pleased.
Rachel:And to my amazement, she’s even mooted the idea that I could track him down. She says he was a kind person. Even though it was a one-night stand, she’d known him at school.
Emma:That’s fantastic. I’m so happy for you.
Rachel:He had ginger hair as well, just like Mum. Just like me… Anyway, how about you? Are you going to the meeting tomorrow night? You didn’t go last week.
Rachel:Emma? Are you there?
Emma:I’m… It’s nothing. I’m okay.
Rachel:Nothing is usually something. Spill.
Emma:I can’t.
Rachel:You can. We know the worst of each other. I’m not going to judge. I’m here to help. You know that.
Emma:I’m sitting in front of a wine bottle.
Rachel:Is this some kind of joke?
Emma:No. Oh Rachel, I wish it was.
Rachel:Oh darling… have you started to drink?
Emma:Not yet.
But I will, she thought. I know it. I can’t wait another minute.
Rachel:Well done. You don’t need it.
Emma:I do. I’m fed up. Being sober is boring.
Rachel:What’s so exciting about getting pissed? Blacking out? Waking up wishing you hadn’t?
Emma:I could just drink for tonight. Take the edge off my feelings.
That sounded like a plan. How difficult could it be to stop after just one night, now that she’d learnt so much about recovery? It’d be easy, right?
Rachel:Take those bottles around to your neighbour, then come back to the phone.
Emma’s grip tightened around the bottle’s neck.
Emma:I… I don’t want to. They could just stay under the bed. I’ll take them back to the shop tomorrow. Get my money back.
Rachel:That’s making excuses. We’ve all been there. You’re kidding yourself and you know it.
Emma:She’ll think I’m crazy.
Rachel:And if you start drinking, she’ll meet the really crazy you. You don’t want that – proved by the fact that you’ve opened this chat. Something is telling you not to pick up. Just tell her someone gave them to you as a gift but you don’t like wine.
