Page 79 of Forgive Me Not
‘What do you mean?’ Bligh looked at Andrea. ‘Have you been drinking, because you aren’t making any sense?’
‘No, I don’t drink any more. I’ve told you that.’ Emma fiddled with the hem of her T-shirt. ‘I didn’t find out until rehab. My friend Rachel mentioned she’d been to Healdbury… the Badger Inn… She told me about Polly and Alan’s loss. That morning Ned got hit, I was driving back from Manchester… the hotel…’ Her cheeks blazed. ‘I was looking at my phone. It was dark. I hit something just outside the Christmas tree farm – where Ned was found. Please believe me, I just didn’t see and decided I must have hit… I don’t know… a sheep or a deer. When I got back, there was blood on the front of the car and I wiped it off with hay.’
‘You didn’t stop?’ said Andrea. ‘Jesus, how much lower could you go?’
‘But I never in a million years thought I’d hit a person.’
‘So why tell us now?’ said Bligh. He and Andrea looked at each other again.
‘Because first thing tomorrow I’m going to talk to the police.’
‘You’re doingwhat?’ Andrea’s jaw dropped. ‘You’re confessing? Handing yourself in?’
‘A hit-and-run… driving under the influence… manslaughter… you’d be looking at years behind bars,’ said Bligh.
‘I know. And it twists me up inside. I’m scared, but most of all I’m so sad that I can’t stay here long term and help with the farm… help look after Mum.’
‘Is that why you’ve never committed to staying here, every time I mentioned that no doubt you’d soon be moving on?’ asked Andrea.
‘Yes. I couldn’t lie to you. I’ve stayed as long as I could to help out, but my conscience just won’t let me rest any more. It’s only fair to Ned – and Polly and Alan. They deserve some sort of closure. When I saw them at Ned’s grave today…’
‘But prison?’ Andrea’s eyes widened. ‘You’d really take responsibility for your actions, even if that means being locked up? Last time you lived here, you wouldn’t even admit to lying or finishing off a bottle of Mum’s favourite sherry.’
‘I’m going to miss her so much, but I’ve thought about it a lot. Since coming back, I realise that working with animals is all I want. I’d never get the grades to be a vet, but I’m hoping that I can at least do some reading in prison, or perhaps an online course, to help me eventually train as a veterinary nurse as close to Healdbury as possible – if the village will ever be able to stomach my return.’
‘You really have considered what you’re about to do…’ said Bligh, and his voice petered away.
‘I can’t ever make up for what I did to your dad, Bligh. But I can do this for Ned and his parents.’
Andrea’s shoulders bobbed up and down. ‘Why come back to face the consequences? Why not just keep your mouth shut and go on the run?’
‘Because I can’t run away fromme,’ said Emma quietly. ‘That’s what the drinking was all about – trying to escape my messed-up thoughts and the problems they created. I don’t do that any more. I do what it takes to keep my head straight.’ She glanced at Gail. ‘If I end up inside, I hope it doesn’t have repercussions for you and Mum. I’m so sorry if it does.’
Andrea stood motionless.
‘I just want you to know I won’t ever come back unless you approve. I’ve embarrassed and let you down enough. All I ask is that now and again you give me updates on how Mum is. I’ll give you the rest of my money from Aunt Thelma. It might help if Mum…’ Her voice cracked. ‘If she ever has to go into care.’
‘Stop right there,’ said Andrea. ‘There’s something you ought to know.’
‘You didn’t kill Ned,’ said Bligh.
‘What? But it was a hit-and-run. My whereabouts match the time and place, and—’
‘Someone confessed six months later,’ he continued. ‘Didn’t your friend know that?’
Emma stood up and wrung her hands. ‘No… no, she didn’t. But… are you sure? All this time I’ve—’
‘No doubt about it,’ said Andrea.
‘I can’t believe it.’ Emma’s voice choked up.
‘It was a lorry driver,’ said Bligh. ‘He fell asleep at the wheel. The same thing happened to him six months later and he almost killed somebody else. He owned up to everything. That night, that Christmas Eve, he did stop and get out to look. He saw the mangled bike and Ned’s body; the damage and blood on the front of his cab. It was at least some relief to Polly and Alan to find out that Ned didn’t suffer – he was already dead when the driver got out of his cab.’
‘He just panicked and drove away as quickly as he could,’ said Andrea. ‘Come to think of it, the police did find a dead deer nearby.’
‘Perhaps that’s what you hit,’ said Bligh.
‘So it wasn’t me?’ Emma gulped and covered her eyes with her hands. The sense of relief was almost too much. Her knees buckled.
