Page 13 of Knowing You
‘But we had grown apart. Perhaps I did us a favour, right? Our relationship could have stagnated for years before one of us was brave enough to make the break.’
‘So now you’re the hero? Oh, please.’ I shake my head.
‘Don’t be like that. I didn’t mean—’
‘How do you expect me to be?’ I snap. I could pretend not to care and make small talk but I miss him. I do. Before this evening, I’d googled how to cope with meeting your ex. I’m not always that good at dealing with the emotional side of things, like when Uncle Kevin… when he… sometimes it’s best just to carry on as if nothing has happened. I think back again to my online research. One website said to remain poised. Polite. Keep it short. I could just about manage that. But as for demonstrating that I’ve moved on, how was that possible? He was the one with a new address and relationship.
‘You’ll meet someone else. Someone who’s a better match than me.’
‘You mean someone loyal, with principles? Damn right, she will,’ says Farah, who’s appeared at my elbow. ‘You’ve got a nerve, turning up like this – with Bingham. Haven’t you got one ounce of decency?’
‘It’s okay, Farah,’ I say. ‘Just leave it. Please. I’m okay.’
Farah looks at me and I nod. She glares at Lenny and leaves.
‘Beatrix has a history. She might be using you. Just watch yourself,’ I say to Lenny quietly, annoyed that despite everything, I don’t want to see him hurt.
Lenny drains his glass and places it onto a passing tray. ‘You don’t need to worry about me. If you ever change your mind about being friends, I’m always—’
Beatrix reappears and takes his arm. She shoots me a pitying look. ‘Jealousy is such an unattractive quality.’ The two of them move away. I hurry out of the conference room and into the toilets. I lock the cubicle door and sit on the loo seat. A sob rises in my chest and I manage to suppress it. I take off my glasses. I don’t really understand how this has happened. Lenny and I were so happy.
Night after night I’ve sat on my sofa with Flossie and a book, but four weeks on and I still find myself staring into space. I miss the things that used to irritate me, like him leaving drawers open or never checking the date on food he purchased. Lenny would leave his socks on the floor and not tidy away dirty mugs. I never thought unwashed crockery could leave such a gap. If I’m honest, at the back of my mind, I’d seen a future with a wedding and children.
Now I just saw me in my flat with a cat and shelves of books. That used to be enough – more than that, great – until I met Lenny. They say you don’t miss what you haven’t had. The hardest part is you can’t go back.
I take several deep breaths, smooth down my jumper and put on my glasses again. As soon as I reappear at the party, Farah heads over and raises her thick brown eyebrows.
‘Irfan’s fuming,’ she says. ‘We can’t believe Lenny’s being so insensitive.’
‘I’m okay.’
‘Come around to dinner next week. Help me convince Irfan that quinoa doesn’t actually taste like soil.’
I wish my eyes weren’t drawn to Beatrix. Lenny can’t take his eyes off her. Nor can anyone else, including Gary, who’s never looked at me like that.
Across the room Lenny basks in Beatrix’s popularity. She catches my eye and kisses him full on the lips. Irfan goes to the front and shushes the crowd. He says a few words. I look for Gary, to give him some last minute encouragement, but it isn’t needed any more. He’s standing next to Beatrix and her hand rests on his shoulder. Gary’s face looks shiny as if she’s somehow polished it.
I about-turn and head up to the office to fetch my coat and bag. I fasten the multi-coloured buttons and pull my bobble hat out of my drawer. Even though the weather is warmer now, it feels like a comfort blanket.
Lenny has moved on. That’s very clear. Now I need to do the same.
Chapter 7
‘Gary’s here?’ I ask Irfan. Authors never just drop into the office. We always make appointments if a meeting is required and usually, if they have one like Gary does, they are accompanied by their agent.
Whilst Irfan goes downstairs to collect him, I put the coffee on to brew in the side room. Gary appears at the door, holding a soggy umbrella. April is proving its reputation for showers. He takes off his jacket to reveal a smart shirt. On the front pocket is a designer logo.
Irfan follows him in and shrugs at me before sitting in the chair to my right. Gary sits opposite. I pass him his usual coffee, milky with one sugar. Gary smiles and hands me a plant. He glances through the glass wall and waves at one of the young interns. I haven’t seen Gary since his signing and he seems to have acquired a degree of aplomb in those three weeks.
‘I couldn’t resist it,’ he says.
‘An African Violet?’ I smile at the purple flowers. ‘Thanks, that’s lovely. But what have I done to deserve this?’
Gary takes a sip of coffee and puts the mug on the table. He stretches out and puts his hands behind his head.
‘I don’t believe in getting anyone to do my dirty business, so I’ve come here alone to tell you both myself…’
Irfan leans forward. ‘Everything okay?’
