Page 15 of Knowing You
Farah holds me by the shoulders. It took me a while to get used to her way of touching people when she talks.
‘Does this mean… have you met someone else?’
‘Farah, please, mind your own business. Come on. Let’s leave Violet to get on with her evening.’ Irfan looks at me apologetically. ‘Now you know why our children chose universities as far away from London as possible.’
Farah gives me the thumbs up before punching her husband’s arm. Guilt pinches my chest as I walk towards the tube station. I didn’t exactly lie. I do have plans. They just don’t involve going out or romance. I’m starting a new book tonight. Then I will watchCharlotte’s Web. Children’s movies never fail to cheer me up. Tea will probably be a sandwich if I can face it. Last night Flossie and I shared a can of tuna, hers served in a bowl, mine on a slice of toast. I can only face the company of a cat at the moment.
Friday used to be pizza night if Lenny was in – his was a Meat Feast, mine a Margherita. We’d order potato wedges and garlic bread on the side. Afterwards Lenny would drink beer whilst I ate chocolate. Had he become bored with our routine? As I sit down on the train, I add this to the list of unanswered questions, although they are all asking the same thing: why wasn’t I good enough for him?
One hour later I’m at the front door of the block of flats I call home. Spits of rain hint at an oncoming downpour. Stormy clouds have assembled across the sky. It’s as if I’ve breathed them in and they’ve darkened my mood. I rummage in my handbag and can’t find my key. I’ve become good at losing things. First Lenny. Now Gary. Is this how it’s going to be? A doomed love life? A failed career? Just when I thought things were going so well.
I look up at the sky. The atmosphere feels weighted and close. It makes me want to scream, to run, so that somehow I can cut through it. Perhaps that’s the answer. Leaving my job. Leaving London. Starting again abroad. I could stay with Mum and Ryan. No one need know that I’m the woman who lost her boyfriend and most promising author to boot.
I sigh and shake myself. Kath wouldn’t approve of a pity party. I finally find the key right down at the bottom and slide it into the lock. I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand. It must be months, years since I last cried. I’m just about to push open the door when running footsteps approach from behind, accompanied by deep breaths. I turn to see a woman around my age bent over, hands on her knees, gasping. It’s almost like someone is chasing her. I glance over her shoulder but no one’s there. She straightens up, cheeks red, forehead perspiring, and looks at her watch. Her catwalk cheekbones contrast her casual jogging gear.
‘Everything okay?’ I ask as she goes onto the lawn and stares at the building before sitting on a bench. It’s positioned in front of a cherry blossom tree, next to a high wooden bird table that residents keep supplied with crumbs and seed.
‘What? Oh. Sorry. Did I startle you?’ Her face breaks into a smile.
‘Can I help you?’ I ask.
‘Not really. I should have rung whoever placed the ad first, but thanks anyway. I’ve come about a room in one of these flats. I thought I’d suss out the building first before ringing. I shouldn’t have worried. It’s a quiet, lovely area and this front garden is so pretty.’ The jogger gets up and walks over across the lawn edged with peonies and roses in blossom.
‘Actually, it’s me who placed the ad. I’m looking for a flatmate. Would you like to come up to take a look?’
‘Pleased to meet you.’ She gives a white smile. ‘I’m Bella.’
‘Violet.’
‘Well, if you’re sure it’s not inconvenient. I have a habit of calling on people at the worst moment. Like when Gran’s in the middle of putting on her tights or my brother has just plastered his face with shaving foam.’
I laugh. ‘No. My diary’s completely empty of late.’
She raises an eyebrow.
‘I recently broke up with my boyfriend.’ Why did I say that? Bella’s just got one of those faces that makes you want to tell the truth.
‘I’m so sorry.’ She pulls a sympathetic face. ‘That’s why the room is available?’
I nod and she follows me in and up the stairs.
‘Would you like me to take my shoes off?’ she asks as I open my flat’s door.
I think Bella and I will get on very well.
‘Would you mind? Thanks.’ I take her anorak and hang it on the coat stand. ‘I’ll just put the kettle on. Do you take sugar and milk?’
‘Could I just have a glass of water? I’m gasping after that run.’
When I come back, she is on the sofa tickling Flossie’s ears.
‘I see you’ve made friends with the most important member of the household.’
Chapter 8
I smile at Bella as she sips an unappealing juice that is brighter than the well maintained lawn outside. While I might aspire to improve my health, I prefer smaller steps, such as eating plants instead of drinking them.
‘Don’t worry. I haven’t made cocktails for two,’ Bella says and smiles as if she can read my mind.
