Page 52 of Knowing You
I realise I’ve folded my arms. Kath is speaking to me as if I’m a reckless child. I’d bet my life savings on the fact that my juiced breakfasts are healthier than her toast.
Pauline clears her throat. ‘Violet. The evidence is there that your makeover is damaging. You’re off work, for a start. You’ve cancelled meeting up with us. Your change in image is becoming more than a physical revolution. Be careful, love. Bella sounds great but try to be objective. Don’t be led astray. I know from my policing career that can so easily happen. Follow your own heart and the voice inside that tells you what is right and wrong. ’
Pauline is suggesting Bella is some sort of criminal?
‘How about you, Violet?’ says Kath. ‘You’ve written something too.’
Everything they’ve said confirms I’ve used the right words. My chest tightens as I look at my piece of paper and stand up. ‘I know you don’t mean to interfere but I’m an adult, not a child. Please don’t take offence but I suggest you are out of touch. Look in any magazine. My size is not uncommon. Times have moved on. My cholesterol level must have drastically fallen. I can run up the stairs. Bella empowered me not to collapse in a heap when Lenny left. I wish you could be more supportive but you don’t understand. Therefore I suggest we take a break. Nothing in life stays the same. That includes looks, relationships – and friendships.’
I fold up the note. Nora opens her mouth but after a look from Kath it shuts. The three of them stare for a moment as if willing me to take back what I said. Instead I lean forwards and close the lid on the basket.
‘Thanks for caring,’ I say. ‘And I’ll keep reading your blog. I’m really proud of how hard you’ve all worked. I’ve not missed a post and don’t intend to. And any problems you have, just email me. I’m still happy to help online. But at this point, being in your company is doing more harm than good, and you are very capable of running the book club on your own.’
‘Perhaps it’s for the best,’ says Nora flatly. ‘That’s the first time I’ve ever felt my age in your company.’
Kath pushes herself to her feet. The others follow. I open the door and they file out.
Chapter 22
It’s Friday. I feel a massive sense of relief since speaking to the book club yesterday. I’m free now. Free to do what I want without inquisitive eyes. Hopefully Farah’s got the message too. I wake up to a blue sky and jump out of bed. I drink a juice and feel an adrenaline high in the shower as I sing one of Bella’s favourite pop songs, which she said I should learn because it’s so uplifting.
After having my say with Kath and the others yesterday, the euphoria of having stood up for myself enabled me to get back to Casey. We didn’t talk about Wednesday night. Instead he invited me to a friend’s house party in Soho tonight. We’ll meet at Tottenham Court Road underground station at eight.
I hurry out of the shower and get dressed for work. I’ll need to go shopping again as I must have dropped almost another size. When I head into the lounge to look for my handbag, Bella is playingUnapologetic Bitchby Madonna.
‘Here, catch!’ She shoots me a mischievous smile and throws over a banana. She looks amazing, having had her hair tinted pink and wearing lipstick to match. We each use our fruit as a microphone. I know all the words. Bella always turns off my jazz and puts on her CDs. I don’t mind.
I’m still whistling that tune as I stride into work. Hugo waves and asks if I’m okay. I give the thumbs up and say how much I like his cheerful yellow tie.
I walk into the office and nod at Irfan.
‘Feeling better?’ he says. A chill hangs in the air. I don’t blame him. Farah is his wife. Loyalty’s important. I wonder if Lenny will ever learn that.
‘Yes. Sorry I couldn’t come in yesterday. Anything I should know?’ I pass him a takeaway coffee. I popped into a cafe on the way over. ‘It’s your favourite hazelnut latte.’
He doesn’t reach for it. ‘You know Farah doesn’t like me drinking those now.’
‘Okay. Have mine. A straight black with an extra shot. I’ve not drunk out of it yet.’
After hesitating, he accepts my cup. ‘So yesterday…’ Irfan takes a sip and puts down the drink. His brow smooths out. ‘The meeting with Felicity went well. Lots of ideas thrown around. You can read the minutes. They should be emailed out to us all today. AndMe and Mr Jones, the young adult novel by Kathy Freeman—’
‘How’s it doing? Did it make the Guardian review pages?’
‘That happened last week,’ says Felicity as she walks past and shoots me a quizzical look. Her gaze moves to Irfan and he shrugs.
‘Of course, I mean…’ What’s their problem? I can’t be expected to keep track of every fucking book.
‘We’ve just found out it’s also been shortlisted for a school library award,’ says Felicity and heads into her office.
‘That’s fantastic,’ I say to Irfan. ‘But then Kathy deserves it, the way she’s dealt with such a sensitive subject.’ The story is about a schoolgirl who is groomed by her teacher. Irfan and I suspect it is based on personal experience.
‘Violet, come into my office,’ calls Felicity.
I follow her and perch on one of the chairs opposite her desk. I’m still holding the latte and put it down next to her phone. She hangs her light jacket on the back of her chair, sits down and leans back.
‘Sorry about yesterday,’ I say, ‘I wasn’t well and—’
She holds up her palm. ‘It’s okay. I’m more worried that you seem to have taken your eye off the ball recently. Irfan, he mentioned—’ She cleared her throat. ‘Everything all right?’
