Page 65 of Knowing You
Felicity and I had discussed the menu at length.
‘Nothing worse than fussy food. Keep it British. Simple. I don’t want Sushi or polenta chips.’ Felicity had pulled a face.
We’d decided on mini jacket potatoes oozing with chives and sour cream. There were tiny cornets of fish and chips. Beef-filled Yorkshire puddings. Mini cheesecakes and colourful fruit tartlets.
I fantasized a lot about food these days. Perhaps I’d treat myself to a few mouthfuls tonight.
‘And good evening to the most stunning woman in the room,’ says Hugo. ‘May I?’ He grins at Casey and leans forward to kiss me. He shakes Casey’s hand and points out several guests. Hugo’s never needed name badges. I don’t see Lenny and Beatrix.
‘Do you recognise anyone here?’ I ask Casey as Hugo disappears to mingle.
He scours the room. ‘Yes. An author from a Chapter Battle session last year. They finally signed a deal.’
‘You don’t mind if I leave you for a few seconds? I really ought to just check in with Felicity and—’
‘Hey! Lenny!’ Casey says in a loud voice.
Shit.
This is for real.
My heart beats. Our paths haven’t crossed since the launch of Gary’s Smith’sBubbles.
This is everything I’ve worked towards. Proving to Lenny, and Beatrix, that I am good enough. That I matter. That people can’t just toss me aside like yesterday’s paper or an empty takeaway cup.
He comes over. I feel sick. Not elated.
‘Casey, mate,’ they shake hands.
He turns to me.
Chapter 27
‘Violet?’ He steps back.
A woman standing behind Lenny turns her head. It’s Beatrix. Full of confidence, I smile in her direction. Her jaw drops, then tightens as her eyes run over my body that’s slimmer than hers. More golden. More slick. It’s been worth every minute of juicing, jogging and learning about cosmetics just to watch her cheeks turn a fiery red.
‘You?’ she says. ‘But… how… I mean…’ She stops speaking and scowls.
‘Good evening, Beatrix,’ I reply coolly. ‘How brave of you to wear that A line dress. It’s very department store.’ I look up at Casey and pull him closer. Meaningfully, I look back at her and by the way she swallows, I can tell she knows I’ve got closer to him than she did.
Despite the black stilettos, for a second she looks small. Whereas I feel like the fifty-foot woman.
Or do I? This is everything I’ve wanted. Yet Beatrix actually looks great. Professional. Like she always does. Mouth open, she stares my way.
‘Vi?’ Casey looks confused. ‘Is there something I should know?’
His words snap Beatrix out of her stupor and she rummages for her phone. Presses on an icon. For the first time I notice the distance between her and Lenny. They have no eye contact and she makes a particular effort not to get close to him. She holds up her phone and the smile drips off my face as if gravity is pulling it onto the dance floor.
It’s a photo of the old me from my out-of-date Thoth editorial profile. My hair is curly. I’m wearing no make-up and my face is framed by my old purple glasses.
‘I hadn’t realised this was a fancy dress party, Casey,’ says Beatrix in a steady voice. ‘Violet has certainly disguised herself – although I’m not sure what she’s done with all those excess pounds.’
I squeeze his hand. ‘I simply fancied a change,’ I say, keeping my tone bright. ‘I mean anyone can make themselves slim and blonde. It’s not as if it’s anything special.’ Bella’s words sounded so good when I practised them but now they just seem bitter.
Her perfectly threaded eyebrows knit together and she shrugs. ‘I wouldn’t know about that. I was born this way. This is me. It doesn’t require any work.’
Her words puncture my lungs and with them my self-esteem.
