Page 7 of Knowing You
We came to an agreement that she should bang her broom on her floor if she needs help. The flat feels so empty now, so quiet, and I wish feisty Kath would ask for help more often. When I knew last year that London would be my forever home, instead of renting I dipped into family savings put aside for me. It made sense for Lenny to move in.
‘Violet?’ Kath cocks her head and nods encouragement.
‘In the end, Lenny didn’t even try to lie. I read out Beatrix’s text and he crumbled. I hadn’t really believed it. I can’t believe I told myself that her message must have been a joke.’
‘Oh, darling…’
‘I know. Talk about naive. Of course it makes complete sense now – all those late nights he spent supposedly at work. He spent half an hour saying that things had just been difficult, with him worrying about getting a promotion and having to put superhuman effort into his job. He mumbled some vague apology and gave a little speech about how we’d grown apart. How neither he nor Beatrix could fight the attraction.’ My voice breaks. ‘It makes me realise that he only really saw me as some sort of homely comfort in a strange city. After all this time, London doesn’t feel unfamiliar to him anymore, and that makes me redundant.’ I curl my fists. ‘It’s as if I’ve always, secretly, been second best. She’s so glamorous, Kath. Really stylish. I could never—’
‘Stop that this instant. No one lies on their deathbed wishing they’d had a wider thigh gap.’ She lifts my chin. ‘What counts is kindness. Honesty. Being true to yourself. You’ve got all of those things in buckets. The rest is just fluff. It truly is his loss.’
We get out of the car. She links arms with me. Her arthritis has been worse during the cold snap. As we approach the double doors, she gives me a sharp look.
‘Don’t you dare waste one more second worrying about Lenny. If he can deceive you like that, then you’re well rid of him. Imagine the heartbreak if this had happened after you’d signed a marriage certificate and had kids.’
Mum said the same thing from Alicante last night. She told me to take a holiday and fly over to spend time with her and my stepdad Ryan. Oh, I was tempted, hearing the sound of cicadas and glasses that no doubt contained sangria in the background. My imagination ran free for a moment and I could practically smell sea salt and the sweet fragrance of vanilla orchids emanating from my phone. But I can’t visit. She’s finally living a carefree life full of sun and blue skies. Who am I to cast a shadow over that?
‘You’re right,’ I say and do my best to put on an optimistic voice, having said too much. I don’t want to worry Kath.
We are just about to go in when the others appear. Kath kisses her good friend and ex-colleague Nora. Both are in their eighties. She has short, dyed red hair and uses any excuse to wear her faux fur black jacket – much to animal-lover Kath’s disapproval, who thinks it still sends out the wrong message.
Widowed Nora is a former hospital receptionist and loves a good old-fashioned romance. She’s a fan of modern celebrity, loves gossip magazines and tries to keep up with the latest phrases. She’s also probably the local cinema’s most frequent visitor. Married Pauline, in her sixties, worked in admin within the police force and likes nothing better than a good detective novel. She wears a smart skirt and secretarial chignon and has a reputation for being handier with a screwdriver than Nick Knowles. A trip to a DIY store is one of her favourite outings. The book club is just made up of us four regulars, although other residents come and go, depending on the books.
They each give me a big hug. We head down to the pub – the women’s choice of venue for the club. This week’s read is a steamy romance.
‘I’ve not slept much this week,’ says Nora as we walk the short distance down the main road to the Frog and Duck. A cutting breeze blows, and I pull down my hat. ‘A Fireman’s Burning Desires… goodness, this book has made me want to relive my youth.’
‘Me too.’ Kath tightens her scarf. ‘Mind you, I’m not sure I could have kept up with his pace in the bedroom, and that’s after years of working through the night making beds and giving baths.’
‘That’s what we like about you, Violet,’ says Pauline as we enter the pub. Smart pine chairs with sage cushions give the place warmth. The carpet is dark green and the walls are painted magnolia. Glossy-leaved plants punctuate the room. The effect is fresh and cheerful like a sunny garden conservatory. ‘You don’t assume that because we’re pensioners we’re prudes. I mean, let’s face it,’ she continues and heads for a table by the window, ‘with our decades of life experience, the last thing that’s going to shock us is a bit of sex and rude words.’
‘It’s love-making, Pauline, love-making,’ says romantic Nora and rolls her eyes as she sits down.
Kath and I smile at each other and I head to the bar to buy the customary four gin and tonics. All of us put in ten pounds a week, which supplies us with enough drinks and crisps. It takes me a while to attract the barman’s attention. I carry the tray back to the table.
‘Squad goals,’ says Nora and raises her glass.
I’m the only one with any idea what that means.
‘It’s an interesting point,’ I say. ‘Is it love-making or just sex from the start?’ We discuss the main characters’ relationship. Without realising it, I zone out and stare through the window’s glass.For Lenny, was it just sex with me and not true love? Self-doubt has filled the space he left.
‘You okay, girl?’ asks Kath. I meet her gaze and she offers me a Kettle chip before taking the last one. Three pairs of eyes stare my way.
‘He’s not worth it,’ says Nora. ‘You’re a marvellous woman and deserve better.’
‘It’s true,’ says Pauline. ‘He’ll wake up one day and realise what a gem he’s lost. I was engaged to someone else, you know, before I married Bill.’
‘What happened?’ I ask. The others lean forward.
‘He cheated on me. I found out from an anonymous phone call that turned out to be made by the other woman. She’d got sick of waiting for him to break off the engagement. He’d dragged it out for weeks – said he hadn’t wanted to hurt me.’
‘You’ve never told us that before,’ says Kath.
‘I don’t often think of it – and that’s proof that given time, hearts do heal.’
‘Lenny said that – that he couldn’t bring himself to tell me, although I have my suspicions that he was only waiting to move into Beatrix’s new flat. I feel so stupid.’
‘What an absolute rotter,’ says Nora.
