Page 30 of The Winter We Met
Gently, he lifted my chin. ‘It’s only me.’
‘But it sounds stupid. He only walked into my life a couple of weeks ago. I can’t have feelings for him. Not proper ones.’
‘Why not? Hormones don’t run by stopwatch. Love doesn’t schedule itself alongside a calendar. Cupid’s dart can hit you at any time. It doesn’t mean you’re immature or have lost your senses. It means you’ve been lucky enough to be swept up by a bit of magic and that’s what life is all about.’
‘Is that a line from a song?’ I mumbled.
Seb smiled. ‘No. For once I’m speaking from the heart.’
I took a deep breath and whispered, ‘When he’s close it’s as if I’ve been showered with pixie dust.’
13
‘What did your colleague mean byI’m quite a fan of pixies myself?’ asked Nik as we sat down at a table by the window in The Silver Swan. He put down two cokes. ‘He gave me an intense look when he said it.’
I laughed brightly. ‘Oh, that’s just Seb, he… he often stares through people when he’s thinking about work. We’d just been discussing some… some new merchandise based on fairytales.’ And fairytale nonsense it was. I knew Seb meant well, encouraging to me to spout spontaneous random thoughts from my head, but perfect Prince Charmings didn’t really exist, let alone ones that swept shop workers off their feet. ‘Anyway… don’t keep me hanging… what’s this news that couldn’t wait?’
If looks could kill, Seb would have been dead on the spot. I was already regretting mentioning pixie dust. As soon as I’d said that he’d taken out his phone and Googled for a few minutes.
‘Right,’ he’d said. ‘Practicalities first and you need to act fast. There is a cut-off age of thirty for getting a working holiday visa for Australia. If you get one of those, you can work there for twelve months. I’m sure, after all these years of dedicated service Angela would keep your position open, but if things went to plan—’
‘Stop. This is madness.’
‘Why? There is nothing rational about true love.’
But being rational was a good thing, I’d learnt that at a young age. When Mum went to prison I understood I had to live with Gran. It hurt but I’d tried looking after myself, the times Mum was out with a boyfriend, and it didn’t always turn out well. Like when I accidentally left the gas hob on. The kitchen smelt funny. Mum shouted a lot when she got back. I knew it made sense to move in with someone else even though I wanted to stay with her.
Nik lived on the other side of the world. My gran, my life, both were here on a much smaller island. I had a great friend in Oliver, and Buddy. A lovely boss.
Any suggestion of a romance was nonsense.
And yet as Nik smiled and his eyes crinkled in such an appealing manner, it felt as if it were midsummer and not winter outside.
‘I emailed the editor of theAmblemarsh Gazetteon Wednesday, attaching the photo I took and, as we discussed, I asked if he’d consider running a piece on us. He didn’t see it until yesterday afternoon and rang me immediately. What a great bloke. His dad is in a care home and he knows how distressing it was for everyone there when it was under threat of closure. He said community stories go down especially well at this time of year so he was completely on board. At the bottom of the piece he’d print your email address for people to contact you with offers of help – I didn’t think you’d mind…?’
‘Nik, this is fantastic.’
‘His dad’s favourite movie is alsoIt’s a Wonderful Lifeand alongside the piece on us he’s offered to run a giveaway of the DVD and a Christmas cookie hamper. To enter, people have to email the newspaper with an idea of how we could make this party the best one ever and he’ll pass those onto you.’
‘That’s brilliant. The more brainstorming the better.’
‘But here’s the thing…’ He looked at this watch. ‘We’ve got one hour to come up with around two hundred words copy. He needs it today if the coverage is going in next Friday’s issue. As it’s late notice we’ve got to send him the basics so he can quickly tweak it.’
I didn’t reply.
He frowned. ‘Have I overstepped the mark? I didn’t mean to take over.’
‘No… no, not at all. You’re… you’re so brilliant. Why would you do any of this?’
‘I like you,’ he said, in his transparent, honest way. ‘I like Alice and her friends are great. A better question might be whywouldn’tI?’
It meant so much to be sitting face to face with a man I could trust. A lump rose in my throat. How I’d struggled with dating during my twenties. I’d got close to guys and even went out with one – Connor – for a whole year. However my relationships always ended in the same way… I couldn’t fully commit. Not emotionally. When Connor arranged to spend the bank holiday weekend camping with mates, and didn’t tell me until the week before because he’d been busy at work and forgotten, I ended it. I couldn’t go back to that childhood feeling that I didn’t matter; that fear that I’d grow up like Mum, letting men treat me badly. However, getting close to considerate Seb had given me hope and then thoughtful Oliver had confirmed for me that some men were honourable. It sounded like such an old word but the concept was new to me. When he moved in I hadn’t expected to feel so valued.
Nik pressed the top of his biro. ‘Let’s get cracking before our ploughman’s lunches arrive.’ He grinned. ‘It sounds like such a manly dish. Alf will approve of me eating it.’
My phone vibrated for the second time in the back pocket of my jeans but I ignored it. This hour was too precious. Nik started writing as I dictated. He gave me his full attention when I talked about what we should include, nodding, tilting his head, asking me to explain further, expressing approval. I felt like I was the cleverest writer in the world and my confidence grew as he wrote down every sentence.
Is that what true love felt like?
