Page 62 of The Winter We Met
‘Mum’s forty-seven now. She had me when she was eighteen. Since turning twenty-nine I’ve tried so hard not to focus on the fact that I’m the age she was when she came out of jail and effectively gave me up for a different life.’
‘You never said anything.’
‘It shouldn’t be a big deal.’
‘I disagree. I think about things like that. Like last year, when I was twenty-eight. That’s how old my parents were when they had me. They let slip once that the pregnancy had been a mistake. I sometimes wonder if they’d even wanted children’ Oliver gave a half-smile. ‘See – we all mull over this sort of crap.’
I rubbed my forehead. ‘I shouldn’t be bothering you with all this, you must be shattered, Misty’s is always crazy busy on a Saturday night.’
‘Do you want me to read the email to you?’
‘No. Thanks but…’ I wiped my face and sat up straighter. ‘I need to get myself together and deal with this – for Gran.’
‘You’re one brave woman, Jess. You can do this.’
I looked down at our hands. They fitted well together. ‘Sorry about what I said about moving out… I didn’t really mean… It’s just I like Nik and—’
‘It’s okay. Maybe… maybe the time is right.’
What? My stomach lurched.
‘I should have backed off. In fact, it’s made me realise… it’s unhealthy, my interest in your dating life. I should be focusing on my own.’ He gave a small smile. ‘So I hopped onto Tinder last night. I’m going for dinner, tomorrow. It’s about time I met someone.’
‘What’s she called?’
‘Krishna – or rather, Krish.’
They were already on casual terms.
‘She’s a businesswoman – just twenty-six and running her parents’ coffee shop chain. She loves cocktails and going to the gym. That’s about all I know.’
She sounded glamorous.
‘Can I see her photo? It’s only right I’m as nosy as you’ve been,’ I said and sniffed.
Oliver pulled his phone out of his back pocket and tapped on it for a few moments, then held it up. Long, glossy, black hair. Intense, almond-shaped eyes that drew you in. A friendly smile. She had eyebrows to die for and full lips. Her outfit was sexy yet not too short nor too low. I tried to find something not to like but couldn’t.
‘She looks lovely.’
‘I think so. Look… I meant what I said – I’ll move out, Jess, honestly, you don’t have to change your mind.’
‘I may have moved in here first but after all this time this is our joint home. It was wrong of me to suggest you might be the one to leave. If anyone’s going it should be me, but we can work this out, right? I mean, who would scratch Buddy in the exact right spot, under his chin? No one can do that but you.’
‘I’m sure he’d find someone who could.’ He gave a small smile. ‘Invite Nik over again. I promise to keep well out of the way. You think he’s great and so does Alice. I have to accept my instincts got it wrong. I… I just want you to be happy. I’ll start looking at rentals this week.’ He stood up and hurried out of the room.
Oliver moving out of the flat? But this was his home. Our home.
I stared at my phone and tapped the email open. She’d put a mobile phone number at the top and then:
Jess,
I saw Mum’s photo in the paper. I had no idea she’d gone into a care home. But that’s my fault. I’ve been meaning to get in touch but the time never seemed right. It’s been so long. I’m sorry about that. Really sorry. I don’t know what else to say. Life’s been complicated.
And you… you look beautiful.
Is there any way you’d consider meeting up, so that I can explain? I know I have no right to ask. And I don’t want to hurt you or your gran any more than I already have. If you don’t reply I understand. I’ll respect whatever you decide.
Please just realise I’ve never stopped thinking about both of you.
