Page 54 of When We Were Friends
‘The four of us used to joke about it. Morgan was Miranda, Tiff wanted to be Samantha, Emily was Charlotte, and that left me as Carrie – not a perfect match. I’d never wear a pink tutu skirt.’ Her body shook less now. She took another mouthful of coffee.
‘But that’s not how it is for everyone – and that’s okay. Friends come in all shapes and sizes – your partner, your mum, a colleague or neighbour, that person you chat to on Facebook, even your pet. It took me a while to realise the friendships that mattered most don’t necessarily come from a school girl gang… or a cocktail bar.’
‘Morgan, Emily and Tiff are good people, deep down, I know their values haven’t changed.’
Sal picked up their mugs and took them to the sink. ‘You’re allowed to make mistakes, make amends and move on. That’s healthy. If they still can’t forgive you thenthey’veprobably changed more than you think.’
Paige left the activities centre with purpose in her stride, the brisk air drying her tears. Her phone bleeped. She took it out. Felix?
Hi Paige. Just got a text from Rob – I’m sure I’ve told you about him before, I worked at his water sports centre in Cornwall. He said four women turned up, calling me Hugo, claiming to know me from high school. Crazy, but it sounded like The Secret Gift Society. You’re not there, right? Because even crazier, one of them apparently said I was the father of her kid. What the hell’s going on?
Oh God, what had Paige been thinking?
* * *
Paige married Hugo? Emily kicked the sand with her boot, grains flying over washed-up seaweed. Her head throbbed, a migraine coming on, arguments always did that. How Paige must have been laughing at them, these last days. Yet she’d been so quiet. Emily stopped and looked out to sea. She understood Tiff’s anger but her comment about Paige being threatened by Olly had been unkind. Paige said Felix had changed. Hard to accept. But then Emily was no longer that sweet, naïve girl who fell for her mother’s scam. Glamorous Tiff looked unrecognisable and once-career-orientated Morgan had given up her teaching dreams to focus on being a mum.
Emily looked over her shoulder. Paige had gone.
What would Felix be like now? She’d hated her mum. He’d hated his dad. Parents shaped lives. Was his father one reason Felix had treated the four of them so badly? Paige had always been such an astute judge of character; was it possible that a man could have married Paige and fooled her for so long, day in, day out, into believing he was decent when he wasn’t?
She carried on walking and a dog came into view, small, white and grey, with ruffled fur. The two elderly owners chatted to each other. Emily stopped the couple as they approached, pointed to their dog, said he was limping. Emily bent down.
‘Let’s have a look, little chap,’ she murmured and lifted it up. Underneath, she saw a pine needle sticking out. Very gently, she removed it. The dog licked her hand. The owners thanked her for intervening. She got to her feet, breathed in salty air, missing Smudge all of a sudden. What had Paige meant about Morgan having another reason for going on this road trip? The four of them getting together again had simply thrown up more questions – and shown Emily how much she’d been living in the past.
However, as the couple walked away with the dog, she realised the trip had at least answered questions about herself. She stood a little taller, reached into her bag and took out something she’d hidden from the others, something she’d hidden from herself, pretending it was invisible. She walked up to the tide and took the lid off the hip flask and poured the vodka into the sea water, the threatening migraine disappearing. These last few months, during an especially bad day, a swig had helped keep her going until the evening’s wine bottle. The therapist had warned this could escalate into an even bigger problem, and every time she took a mouthful, Smudge would cast a judgemental look, in the way only cats can.
She hadn’t cared, but now Emily did because the possibility of a future she might love had opened up since meeting her old friends. Emily shook the hip flask until it was empty, put it back in her bag, took out her phone and texted Lewis.
* * *
Fumbling with the key, Tiff braced herself and entered the B&B almost on tiptoe, as if she were starring in a thriller. Thank God. No one was there. Quickly, Tiff packed, not wanting to see Paige again, not wanting to see the hurt on her face. How could Tiff have made that cruel comment about Olly? She wasn’t still sixteen and raging with unpredictable hormones. It was nineteen years later. Tiff still focused on her bitterness about high school, and no one but her was to blame for that. Not moving forwards was a choice. She may have looked different now but the insecurities were the same. Yet so was her empathy – Paige must now have been feeling like shit. Morgan furious. As for Emily, Tiff had stumbled across her secret, had smelt it in their bedroom, seen the flask of silver in her friend’s bag.
Christ, what a mess, best left behind.
Tiff sat down on the bed. Leaving that mess behind would mean running away again. That wasn’t the action of a mature woman, but a person who lost themselves with an escort every time they needed to escape emotional turmoil, instead of facing it head on, like an adult.
Tiff took out her phone. Brought up Carter’s number. Deleted it. Did the same with Marlon’s.
No more running away.
No more blaming the past.
She pressed dial. Joe answered.
30
MORGAN
Have you found him at Fistral Beach, Mum?
Yes. Yes, I have. Kind of.
What do you mean?
It’s complicated love. Let’s talk when you get back.
I’ve been waiting eighteen years for this. Now I have to wait until Saturday?
