Page 56 of When We Were Friends
Olly finished his tea. ‘It still hurts, Mum. I can’t say it doesn’t. You could have done this years ago. I’d have loved to have met my grandmother.’ A muscle in his cheek twitched. ‘But now is better than never. It’s a start.’
She reached across the table and offered her hand. After a few seconds, he slid his into it.
‘I’m going to call Vikram. I don’t have to keep this a secret, right?’
‘No. There’s nothing to keep secret about you, Olly. If I wasn’t so wary of heights, I’d climb to the top of one of those skyscrapers in Deansgate and shout that you make me the proudest mother in the whole of Manchester.’
Olly reached into his rucksack and pulled out a red, oblong bar. ‘Good thing I brought back Swiss chocolate then.’ His voice wavered as he pushed it over.
‘Go on, scoot, ring your friend,’ she said, in an equally unsteady voice. ‘But I can’t promise there’ll be any of this left by the time you’ve finished.’
31
PAIGE
A key sounded in the lock. Overcome with the fear of a permanent wedge developing between her and Felix, Paige concentrated on the pan without turning around. Eggs Benedict, a favourite treat of his – second only to a bacon butty. She’d wanted to make something special for their first meal together in a week. She’d gone out early for the Saturday paper and to buy him a chocolate egg for tomorrow. Easter was the one time of year health-conscious Felix allowed himself to eat an excess of sugar. Paige stirred the Hollandaise sauce. She’d not been able to settle to read the weekend magazine. They’d had a brief phone call when she’d got back to the B&B last Wednesday, after the coffee with Sal, after his message came through about Rob having contacted him.
Why hadn’t Paige told him Morgan had got in touch? That he was a father? That she was off to France with her old best friends? What else was she keeping from him? Didn’t they tell each other everything?
Sal’s voice ringing in her ears, she’d kept calm. They weren’t teenagers any more. She apologised as best she could, explained the choices she’d made, said she loved him. Felix hadn’t reciprocated, didn’t even say goodbye before ringing off. She’d messaged the next day but got no reply. Paige had hardly slept since leaving Cornwall. She’d lost her friends again. Would she lose her husband?
The apartment door squeaked open. When she’d met Felix for the first time again, in her late twenties, her heart had ached as she’d listened, an ache that turned into a love that grew year by year, as Felix’s confidence built and, through work, he’d helped youngsters struggling like he used to. He made her want to be a better person. He saw through the money, her posh accent, he kept Paige’s secrets, like about the time she’d eaten a magic mushroom at university – and had teased her mercilessly thatthatwas her biggest secret.
Oh, she’d get through if they ever split up. Marriage was a label. Like a designer jacket, with the fashion house’s name cut out, it would still wear the same, still fit as well, like her daily life would without her gold band ring. She’d still go to work, pay her mortgage, see her parents and drink the odd cocktail. But even though her life would look full, without Felix, it would be hollow.
‘Paige?’
She turned to face… his tired features, a mouth down-turned, skin dull, eyes that lit up when they met hers. Felix let go of his case and strode over.
‘I’m a shit. Sorry I haven’t messaged.’ He held out his hand.
‘I’m the one who should be apologising,’ she croaked, relief rushing through her as they collapsed onto the sofa, arms around each other. ‘How did your trip go?’ she asked.
He perched on the edge of the sofa and held both her hands in his. ‘Paige, I don’t care about that. I’ve missed you. But also I’ve just found out I’m a father. Tell me everything about Olly. Is it Oliver?’
‘Morgan didn’t say.’
‘Does he blame me for not being around?’
‘All I know is, he’s been desperate to meet you. He’s going to study physics at university.’
‘Gets his brains from his mother then,’ said Felix and he gave a sad smile. ‘I’ve played no part in shaping his life. It’s… painful.’
‘His looks are from you though. Olly’s the absolute spit. Morgan told me a little. He’s got a boyfriend called Vikram. Coming to terms with his sexuality was the final trigger for wanting to find you. It’s an identity thing…’
‘Really?’ Felix tilted his head. ‘Maybe I’ll be able relate to him on that. My outside felt so unlike the inside at school, some days I had no idea who I really was. It was the pits, as if I were a fake, covering up the truth. Poor Olly. If only I’d been around to offer him support.’ He sighed. ‘I’ve missed so much – his first tooth, his first day at nursery. I’ve not been there to help with homework or to listen if he’s had a tough day at school, to pass on what I learnt, after everything I went through. I’ve never met him but it’s as if I’ve already let Olly down. If only Morgan had told me back in 2004.’
‘But you and your mum had already left England by the time she found out.’
‘We had? Right. Yes. Of course.’
Paige squeezed his hands. ‘You must be excited to meet him,’ she said, forcing her voice to keep steady. ‘Now you’ve got this amazing opportunity to make a difference. Oh, damn!’ She jumped up and ran over to the hob. Smoke came out of the Hollandaise sauce pan. She turned the ring off, inwardly sighing. Yet another egg-fail. ‘Might have to make bacon butties,’ she said, in the best no-nonsense voice she could muster.
Felix got up and went into the kitchen. He leant against the marble-topped work top. ‘I know what you’re afraid of,’ he said.
‘Guilty as charged,’ she replied and broke eye contact, ‘I’m worried you’venotcome back with those amazing-looking pistachio and charcoal pastries from that travel programme we saw about the UAE that you promised me.’
He put his hands on her shoulders. ‘Olly… it’s a lot to take in. I… I am excited to meet him. It’s scary too. What if I’m a disappointment? What if I’m the worst things he’s imagined over the years because he must have thought me a right villain? But I want to make it work. Really, I do.’
