Page 61 of When We Were Friends
He took her other hand. ‘No, it’s not. Things that happen when we’re that young stick with us, as if bad events become part of our biology. But like we can heal an infection, we can heal old emotional wounds. It’s just a matter of finding the right medicine.’ He lifted her hand up and kissed the top of it. ‘We’ve got all the time in the world. I can’t promise I’ll never hurt you. Relationships get messy. But I’ll always try not to and I’ll always be honest. Is that enough, Tiff?’
Head narrating her feelings like that B movie scriptwriter, Tiff leant forwards, every nerve tingling, and under the gaze of an approving moonlit sky, her lips touched his and her heart popped with desire.
34
MORGAN
Olly loped into the kitchen yawning in his black T-shirt and werewolf-print pyjama trousers. He went over to the Easter Egg on the kitchen table. ‘Snickers? Another favourite. But it’s Easter Monday today, not Sunday. What have I done to deserve two this year?’
‘I can spoil my son, can’t I?’ Morgan pushed an empty bowl towards him and the cereal box. ‘Juice?’
‘Thanks, Mum.’ He glanced at the window sill and the bunch of flowers, still in their wrap, standing in a vase of water. ‘Are you going today, then, to that retired teacher’s birthday party?’
‘Still not sure,’ she said and swiftly asked about his work hours.
‘I’m on the afternoon shift, so can Vikram come over for an early lunch?’
‘Of course.’ She got up and poured him a juice. Sat back down again. Picked at her toast. Morgan went to say something but changed her mind.
The rings under his eyes darker than usual, Olly studied her. ‘Thanks, Mum.’
‘That’s okay. Vikram’s a nice lad.’
‘No… for not grilling me yesterday – after my phone call.’
‘Oh. Well, I figured you’d need time to digest it.’ It hadn’t been easy. In the end, she’d gone out for a walk. When Olly used to come home from primary school, she’d tease out details of his day over biscuits, loving listening to excited talk about playtime and his favourite lessons. Or they’d have a cuddle if someone had been mean or his free school dinner had been ‘yucky’. Those open conversations very much depended on his hormones as he progressed through high school, and these days, she strived to respect his privacy, despite her maternal sense of wanting to protect him.
Olly scooped up a mouthful of cereal and carried on until his dish stood empty. After downing his juice, he leant on the table with his elbows. ‘It was weird, talking to him after so many years of not knowing if he was even alive. I’ve imagined so many conversations, but when it came to it, I had no idea what to say.’
‘As if you were in some parallel universe?’
‘Yeah, one where you’d eat chocolate eggs for breakfast instead of those from chickens.’ He reached for his egg and gave a small smile as Morgan shot him a disapproving look. Olly folded his arms. ‘He didn’t sound like I’d always expected; his Manchester accent wasn’t very strong. He asked about school. Asked about university. It was… awkward.’
‘Bound to be, love.’
‘He even asked about Vikram. Totally embarrassing.’
Morgan sat a little straighter. This was new, another person being treated like she was. For some reason, Olly humoured his gran’s questions about his boyfriend, but if Morgan asked anything, it was written off as cringeworthy.
‘Felix told me about his job. Asked if I was into the gym. We haven’t got anything in common.’
‘How did the call end?’
‘He said it would be cool if the three of us could meet up. At his, or ours, or in a café. He said he was really happy we’d spoken. That he wanted to be a part of my life.’
‘What did you say?’
‘Maybe.Then I said goodbye and hung up.’
‘Do you want to get to know him?’
Olly took his elbows off the table and leant back. ‘What if he’s disappointed, Mum? What if I am? What if it fizzles out? What if… he hurts you again?’
Oh, Olly.Sweet, caring, Olly who deserved so much. She gave him all of herself. But as he got older, he wouldn’t always want Mum around, not like when he was little and the two of them lived in such a happy world of books and crafting, of park walks and baking together, of feel-good movies and having friends to tea. As he’d moved through the teenage years, other people had become important: mates at school, that physics teacher he’d stay behind with after class to talk about nanowires and quantum dots, that young woman who worked at the garden centre and loved fantasy movies as much as him.
A dad might become one of those other people who mattered as he continued to become less reliant on Morgan.
‘That’s a lot of what ifs. What ifs hold you back in life unless you turn them around – what if the two of you get on great? What if you build a solid relationship?’ She gave him a sharp look. ‘For the record, it would be impossible for any father to be disappointed in my Olly Banks.’
