Page 53 of The Promise of Tomorrow
He shrugged. ‘S’pose. That’s what Dad’s always said.’
‘I feel abut,’ she said.
‘I’ve thought a lot about her lately – how her death has affected my life. Guess I’ve wanted to be like her, but lately it’s not given me the same satisfaction. Other things have given me the buzz I used to crave… Like football. I actually like watching it. A lot. Also, since moving in with you, I…’ His neck flushed red. ‘A change in circumstances has given me a fresh perspective on life.’
‘How?’
He opened his mouth. Closed it again. Eventually he spoke. ‘It’s made me look at what really makes me happy – what gives me that natural high.’
Elena sucked on her straw, the coke fizzing in her mouth. He didn’t need to say it – that it was her impeding death that had made him reassess his life.
She tilted her head. ‘I could be wrong but… I’ve got another take on your sporting hobbies. When Mum… When I believed she was going to die, I sat, in shock, alone in my room, having just spoken to Dad on the phone and hearing him cry, understanding that her condition couldn’t have been more serious. My parents had been saving for a full-on week in London. They wanted us to go and see all the sights, catch a West End show, visit the Crown Jewels. Then there was the voluntary work Mum talked about. She said when I was all grown-up, she might take a sabbatical and teach children in Africa for a few months. I swore, then and there, that if she died, I’d do those things on her behalf, imagining that, somehow, she’d be looking down, still living her life, through me.’ Elena raised an eyebrow. ‘Haveyoubeen doing these adventurous sports on behalf ofyourmother, rather than simply having inherited her enthusiasm for them?’
Rory hadn’t taken a bite of burger or sipped his drink; he’d continued to fiddle with his bracelet, listening intently. It snapped at her words and beads crashed down to the ground. They collected as many of them up as they could and sat opposite each other once more.
‘Christ. You might be right,’ he said. ‘I’ve never thought of it like that. On that coach to Edinburgh, when her death hit me hard, it all being new to me that there was someone to blame for her cancer…’
He broke eye contact for a second.
What did he mean? What wasn’t he telling her? ‘Want to talk about it?’ she asked gently.
Rory shook his head and swiftly continued with his story. ‘As soon as I got back to Manchester, I asked Dad if he could book zip-wiring. Guess it began from then. At the time, I wanted to do it, simply to feel closer to Mum. But then, doing activities like that somehow becamemy thing. Maybe they’ve not been my thing after all. Perhaps they’ve been hers all along.’
‘And I get it. But Rory… you don’t have to do those things any more. You are your own person. She’d want you to honourthat.’
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a Snickers bar. ‘I still eat her favourite chocolate bar. Never have really liked it.’
Elena reached forwards and took it from him. ‘Good thing I do. What do you really like?’
‘Brittle honeycomb chocolate. Nice and crunchy.’
Despite his protests, Elena got up and went into the services’ newspaper shop. Swiftly, she returned, bearing a giant honeycomb bar. She placed it in front of him.
‘It’s time that you did you, Rory Bunker. Like with that fashion sense that got you noticed in Paris.’
He gave a wry smile. ‘Yes, my way of dressing is certainly nothing to do with Mum. Dad said she lived in sweatpants and hoodies.’ His eyes shone. ‘I miss her. Is that weird as I haven’t any concrete memories?’
‘You have,’ said Elena softly, and she placed a hand over his chest. ‘In there. Memories don’t have to be visual. They can come from emotions.’
Rory placed his hand over hers. Elena so wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to get as close as possible, to do all she could to make him feel better. But she wouldn’t let that happen. His mum’s death had affected him for years. She mustn’t get closer only to be torn away; it wouldn’t be fair on him. In any event, the attraction was all one way.
Elena finished her drink. ‘Morag may not be a villain. I was never afraid ofher– just afraid of the promise, afraid of losing Mum.’
‘We’ll see.’ He frowned. ‘From everything Jimmy’s said, she was a decent enough person and as I’ve said before… about mutualism… it doesn’t make sense to me that she’d save your mum but take your life. Yet you are so adamant about the deal that was made.’ His expression darkened.
Elena felt suddenly toasty and warm inside at how angry Rory felt on her behalf.
‘On a brighter note, have you contacted Nicole yet?’ she asked, in a voice breezier than the wind outside. ‘You must, if only to see the look on Gary’s face when you arrange to meet her.’
Rory didn’t reply for a moment and then squared his shoulders. ‘No. She’s not the woman for me, flattering as her attention was. Okay, this is me doing me now. I’m not a model, I’m RoryBunker, marketing bod, who’s a mediocre karaoke singer and satisfactory stir-frier; a man who gets emotionally blackmailed by stick insects, and speaks a smattering of X-rated Urdu. A man who, right at this minute, would rather be sitting here, with you, eating out of a cardboard box, than posing in a Michelin restaurant by the Seine.’
As if his words had tied her to a hot air balloon, and she was twirling like a feather, higher and higher in warm, sunny air, Elena polished off the last mouthful of her burger and went on to devour the chocolate bar, feeling as fizzy as the Coke in her cup.
35
ELENA
Using her satnav, Elena completed their journey by turning into a cul-de-sac, still wondering what Rory had meant about someone being to blame for his mum’s illness. It has been a long drive. Since leaving the service station, snow had turned to mushy sleet. The reduced visibility had slowed the traffic. She hadn’t been sure what to expect of Leith, having read the novelTrainspotting, a story of squalor in the locality. Clearly, a regeneration plan had taken place since the early nineties. She and Rory had scrolled through a gallery of photos together during their lunch stop, and before going home tomorrow, they planned to visit the vibrant centre, with cobbled streets and restaurants, the waterway and varied architecture.
