Page 27 of Will You Stay Another Day?
Lili set the toaster on the coffee table, next to the flowers, and took a shot. The instant camera printed out the photo and she passed it to Tarone before he sat down again. Lili placed the toaster on the windowsill next to the bird feeder, before sitting back down in the armchair. Jill got to her feet and stood where Tarone had been. She reached into her shoulder bag and pulled out a small box. She opened it. Inside lay a metal ring with a gaudy flower in the middle.
Jill looked up nervously. ‘I was married for eighteen years, then one day, seven years ago, Tony up and left. Worst time of my life.’ Her eyes filled. ‘Still gets me now,’ she said and wiped her cheeks. ‘Not because I miss him but because of the pain and how stupid I felt. And then there was the effect it had on my girls… I sold my actual diamond engagement ring, and the wedding band, putting the proceeds towards taking me and my daughters on a much-needed holiday. I also swore I’d never marry again; wouldn’t risk it. But…’ She stood a little taller. ‘I met someone eighteen months ago. A wonderful man. We took things slowly at first. He understood why I had trust issues and was so patient – and nervous when he proposed to me a couple of weeks ago.’
‘Oh, congratulations!’ said Lili.
‘What lovely news.’ Marge smiled broadly.
‘Good for you,’ said Tarone.
‘Thank you… thank you so much… but I haven’t told anyone yet, you see… I haven’t given him a reply.’ She looked down at the ring. ‘I’ve hung on to this because it holds so many memories. When Tony left I… I didn’t want to feel as if I was losing everything. He proposed on holiday in Santorini and the restaurant gave us free champagne. It was a spontaneous thing and he hadn’t got a proper ring, so he bought this one in a cheap gift shop the next day, to tide me over, as a joke. We had lots of laughs back then. I insisted wearing it when we got back, until he’d saved enough to get me the little diamond ring he wanted to. The girls would borrow this ring playing dress-up when little. So many happy memories are attached to it… but now holding on to this ring makes me feel as if, somehow, I’m still pining for Tony. And I’m so not. He’s out of my life and the children and I love my new man.’ She took a moment. ‘My eldest told me about these freedom ceremonies; one of her friend’s aunts took part. It was news to me and I work in your shop! So… I decided to be brave. It’s time.’ Jill lifted up the box, gazing inside. ‘You represent one of the most exciting periods of my life – young and carefree, full of romance and ambition. At the time you were perfect. Thank you so much. You were on my finger for several months, back when I was growing my cleaning business, back when we got our first house and made lots of plans for the future. But it’s time now that I moved on completely from my first marriage. I have the good memories in my head and that’s enough.’
Jill didn’t want a photo. Unexpectedly, when she sat down on the sofa again, she burst into tears.
‘Silly, because I’m so happy these days,’ Jill said. ‘In fact… these feel like good tears. I can’t wait to get married again.’
The others comforted her as Lili went into the kitchen to boil the kettle. This often happened. Giving up an object you’d invested yourself in, for whatever reason, was often a cause for the remnants of past hurt to come to the fore one last time.
Jill would be okay.
The four of them sat around the table in the dining room. It was opposite the lounge, linked to the kitchen at the front, with wide French patio doors. Clouds had gathered in the sky, but this only added to the cosiness of the cottage, with a tall lamp on and the smell of incense wafting though from where Lili had held the ceremony.
Lili, Jill and Marge reached for the scones. Whilst the other two women spread on thick clods of clotted cream and dollops of jam, Lili glanced at Tarone. He caught her looking.
‘A new start,’ he said and gave a wry smile. ‘I can’t give away my beloved toaster and then carry on eating like I did before. What would be the point? It has to mean something.’
The others stopped eating and Jill clapped. Lili and Marge joined in.
‘That’s inspiring, Tarone,’ said Lili, thinking about how she’d realised things had to change in her own life after the last year.
‘It is early days, mind,’ he said.
‘I’ve every confidence in you,’ said Marge. ‘You did a courageous thing today.’
‘Like you all did,’ said Lili, and she went to the fridge. She came back and put a low-fat yogurt in front of him. ‘Strawberry flavour at least.’ She passed him a spoon.
‘Thank you for today, Lili,’ said Marge as Tarone tucked in. ‘I’ve had trouble getting rid of the feeder… feeling guilty yet angry too; a sense that I needed to express how life had been. Now I’ve done that and I… I feel heard. I feel empowered.’
‘I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders,’ said Jill. ‘I’m going to invite my new man around tonight and say yes!’
The atmosphere became more jolly as they talked about Christmas approaching and Tarone dreading the uptick in the amount of post he’d have to carry. They all raved about the pasty shop in Truro that did seasonal flavours – turkey and stuffing, mince pie filling and custard. They had another cup of tea and Lili packed up scones for Marge and Jill to take home. As the sun set, Lili waved them off. Tarone’s neighbour, Pete, worked at the local tip and she’d give him the bird feeder and toaster. He’d kindly offered to dispose of any old, unwanted objects discreetly for her. If someone ever let go of a valuable item that could still be used, Lili would get it valued and the profit from its sale would go to Ware & Care. Or if they let go of a reusable belonging that wasn’t expensive, like Jill’s ring, she’d send it to another branch of the charity shop to go on display, not wanting to risk someone spotting it in Mevagissey – a bit like Dylan taking his house clearance charity bags out of area.
Dylan.
Lili went into the lounge and tidied up. Then she stood in the middle of the room and gave a determined nod. In the spirit of Tarone already making changes, instead of sitting down in front of Netflix and rewatching series she used to enjoy with Em, maybe it was time Lili mixed things up a bit. She got dressed, grabbed a thick coat and torch and climbed into the car. She drove to Portmellon, the night-time drive reminding her of trips with Em, returning home after weekends away, and the shouts of glee if they spotted a Starbucks on their way.
Despite the coastal wind, despite the night, she strode the forty-five minutes to Gorran Haven beach, a beam of torchlight leading the way. Sweaty and shivering, Lili sat on the rocks and took out a water bottle. A break in the clouds let through moonlight and she glanced out at the water. Lili sat up straight. Really? There was Neptune! His unmistakable head bobbed up and down in the water, near the sea stack! Warmth rushed through her limbs. Selkies were mythical creatures that transformed from seals into humans if they ventured onto land. Lili needed to transform, from a person stuck in a pity party into the woman Em used to be proud to call her friend.
Out of habit, she checked her phone. A tingle ran down her spine. Dylan had texted earlier. She’d told herself he wouldn’t get in touch, having explained to him about the outhouse and how he could just drop off any donations.
She stared at the sea. She followed Neptune.
Then Lili read the text once more. It asked if he could drive over next week and drop off the bags.
She stared at the sea. She followed Neptune again.
Eventually, Lili put the phone away. She’d reply when she got home and had a signal and tell him no, he couldn’t. She didn’t want Dylan coming over to Mevagissey again, to leave a mark on any part of her life. It was best to keep distance and respect those lines laid down by a relationship not being romantic. She would drive over to his place of work in Tavistock and, if he didn’t mind, sift through some bags and just take the bits that would sell. In any case, her shop was happily overflowing with donations at the moment, people having a clear-out before Christmas gifts arrived. This was the truth – and a surefire way to keep control, to limit their time together, was for her to be the one visiting.
Lili got to her feet, looked up at the moon and stretched upwards, hands high in the air, eyes closed, crashing waves providing a heavy rock soundtrack. She had a sudden urge to scream. The howls of the wind duetted with her voice as she ran, out of breath, salty air on her lips, as fast as she could back to the car park, the torchlight helping her narrowly avoid tripping over. She stopped by the car and bent over, panting, utterly spent, throat hurting. Lili didn’t know what had escaped her body, out of her mouth, into the briny air to be blown out to sea, but its release had left her feeling truly alive for the first time in months. She got into the driving seat, blew her nose and revved up Colonel Mustard.
