Page 59 of Will You Stay Another Day?
Whilst eating scones in the kitchen, the three of them got talking about Christmas. Dylan would leave for Naples on Christmas Eve morning. Lili would drive to Manchester Christmas Eve afternoon, after closing the shop at lunchtime. Callum was going to his ex’s for Christmas Day; they got on okay and Jack would love it.
Callum spread on more clotted cream. ‘Another reason I kept all my school stuff was that I honestly believed, if I ever had kids, my old books and notes would help their studies!’ He shook his head. ‘Education has changed so much.’ Callum wiped his mouth. ‘Today is about more than saying goodbye to a load of books and drawings,’ he said. ‘It’s hard to explain, but I already feel different inside, as if… a balloon full of tension, in my chest, has been popped and is now deflating. I have felt stressed about the clutter.’ He put down his knife. ‘And I’ve got plenty of memories of my school friends down at the harbour – and on Facebook. There’s even a reunion coming up.’
‘Yes, I’ve got memories of Em along the routes we used to take, whatever car I am in,’ said Lili.
‘That’s a perfect explanation, Callum, because I feel the same.’ A sheepish look crossed Dylan’s face and he looked at Lili. ‘Apologies for when I laughed at the idea of these funerals for objects.’
‘I laughed too when I first heard,’ said Lili. ‘But everything on earth, breathing or not, is made from the same building blocks – blocks that become invested with emotions, good or bad.’
‘Yeah, boy did I cry when I lost my comfort blanket as a child,’ said Callum. ‘I drove my parents mad, always taking it in the car and to family gatherings. I was a shy boy and it made me feel everything would be okay. I reckon they threw it out in the end but still won’t admit it!’
Dylan nodded. ‘My dad threw out my plushie collection when I started school. He didn’t want me getting teased when mates came around. I was gutted. Stupid really, but it upset me for ages that I never got to say goodbye to them.’
‘Not stupid at all,’ said Lili. ‘Harry kept his little teddy your nonna made all these years, didn’t he? I’ve still got an ornament I bought from an Oxfam shop whilst in sixth form and volunteering there. It’s a squat rainforest frog with big eyes and an angry face – always makes me laugh. It reminds me of how much I loved working there – and how that time shaped my career.’
The three of them reminisced about other objects that had been important to them. Today’s ceremony had been about much-loved items. The same couldn’t be said of everything that temporarily ended up in the cupboard under her stairs. But part of the ceremony was about recognising that any bad feelings attached to objects weren’t the objects’ fault; it was about saying goodbye in a respectful, kind manner.
Toasters, people, car keys, plants, bird feeders, turtles, posters, bacteria… Every single thing in life started off the same way, regardless of whether it ended up running for president or percolating coffee.
40
Lili blew out the incense sticks she’d left burning in the lounge, having found the smell comforting as it had wafted through the cottage, after she’d taken the first step of her monumental decision to say goodbye to Colonel Mustard. She and Dylan waved Callum off. The crisp breeze at the front door said a refreshing hello.
‘Fancy a drive out?’ she asked Dylan. ‘I know it’s dark and biting weather, but there’s a walk I haven’t done for a while. It takes an hour if we go from Mevagissey, but I feel like I need it today. It always clears my head. We’ll need to wrap up. I’ve got a scarf you could borrow. Or have you got to get back to Tavistock tonight and be in the office tomorrow?’
‘Nah. We’re closed now until the first week of January. A walk sounds great!’
An hour later they had parked up in the fishing village and were lucky enough to buy takeout coffees just before the last café open lowered its shutters. Lili led the way towards the coastal path until Dylan took her hand and, grinning like two high school sweethearts, they walked side by side, away from the closed gift shops and the boats moored for the night yet dancing a jig on ocean ripples. The village looked even prettier than usual with the Christmas lights. She built up the pace and, sipping coffee, they passed Portmellon and eventually reached Gorran Haven beach.
‘Never been here,’ said Dylan, squinting in the darkness as they made their way down onto the pebbly sand, rocks jagged and shiny either side of the little bay. Choppy black waves did taekwondo across the ocean, and Lili led him to the rock where she always sat. Frost glinted, sparkling and subtle, on the stone, as magical as the twinkling fairy lights back in Mevagissey, in shop fronts and across streets. She breathed in the sulphur smell of a nearby patch of seaweed, glistening and writhing in the wind.
The two of them sat down. Lili turned to Dylan and kissed him. He put his arm around her shoulders. How easily they fitted together. Lili never thought it would be possible to feel so at ease with a guy you fancied even more than Glen Powell. She gazed out far, across the water, hoping to see her friend, realising it was unlikely the seal would be bathing at night. Far, far away in the distance, the lights of a ship passed by on the horizon. The sky was as clear as black diamond, stars and satellites easily visible. Her eyes dropped back to the water.
‘Em had a tattoo of a dolphin, you know,’ she said. ‘Except, of course, it was no ordinary dolphin. This one cheekily had its tongue stuck out and was diving over a rainbow. She got it done at a music festival where Rick Astley was a guest performer, much to her mum’s envy. There was a pop-up tent and she didn’t think twice about going in and getting one done with zero planning.’
‘Ever seen dolphins here?’ he asked.
‘No, but they’ve been spotted a few miles out to sea.’ She pointed. ‘And see that sea stack, about fifty metres out? Whenever I usually come, a large grey head pops up to say hello. I prefer to think it’s the same seal every time and have called it Neptune.’
‘Not got a tattoo of it, then?’ he asked. ‘Can’t say I’ve noticed one. I might need to examine you again later.’
She laughed and leaned in for another kiss, longer this time, despite the coldness of their lips and noses. She could have sworn the breeze whistled wit woo.
‘No. Tattoos were Em’s thing, not mine, along with her music festivals. She used to go with a group of friends when we were younger – they’d set silly dares like high-fiving twenty people in less than a minute, or peeing in the most unusual container, as the loos were often filthy or had thirty-minute queues. One of her friends filled a Coke tin without spilling a drop. That takes skills.’
Dylan had been looking out to sea. He faced Lili. ‘Harry was the same, although he’d head off with a big backpack filled with home comforts, like a blanket, food and drink.’ Dylan went to say something but then changed his mind. He gazed out to the sea again. He rubbed his forehead and turned to Lili. ‘Can you describe Em’s tattoo again?’
‘A dolphin sticking out its tongue, diving over a rainbow. Why?’
‘This is going to sound crazy, but did she get that done at…’ He screwed up his face. ‘It was a festival in the summer of 2021, in South Wales.’
Lili’s brain scrolled back through the years. ‘How on earth did you guess that? Are you a fan of Rick Astley? I remember her talking about that one incessantly afterwards. Wildtown festival, that was it. Post-Covid, some music events still weren’t going ahead. This one did. She said everyone went a little crazy, getting drunk, getting tattoos… Can’t say I blame them, after the lockdowns.’ Lili’s eyes narrowed. ‘Em wouldn’t shut up about this guy she’d hung out with. He was apparently a bit of a joker and reckoned rickrolling was hilarious. You won’t believe what he got tattooed – they went into the tent together.’
‘Try me,’ said Dylan, an odd look on his face.
She grinned. ‘I’d completely forgotten. This guy got a QR code linking to a YouTube video of Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” on his arm, so he could rickroll everyone who asked him what it stood for. Em thought it was iconic and was gutted when she lost him in the crowd on the second day and never got his contact details.’
Dylan put down his coffee cup. ‘Lili. I know about that tattoo already. Because… it was my brother’s.’
