Page 95 of Repentance and Absolution
“Well, you’re a little past your prime, I suppose, but you don’t look it. And lots of young women these days prefer to have older husbands.”
“I suppose,” I said, trying to seem like I was thinking about it. At least the blush that came to my cheeks would seem an appropriate reaction.
“In fact,” Tim said, wiping at his mouth with his cloth napkin, “the annual spring social’s coming up next Saturday at the church hall. I reckon you fellas should make an appearance. That’d get tongues wagging, and I’ll bet the eligible girls will be settin’ their hats for at least one of you, if not both.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I latched onto the only thing I could think of. “Well, if I were to get married, though, we’d need an even bigger place, wouldn’t we?”
“Now, not necessarily. I’ve heard of two couples sharing a homestead. We could just build another house—or even just add on another bedroom.”
Oscar’s gaze was going back and forth between me and Tim Jensen. And Irene was watching, too.
“Now, hold on a minute. Who’s to say Jimmy even wants to get married?” Oscar mumbled.
Carson and Tim laughed, as if not wanting to get married was the silliest thing they’d ever contemplated.
“Of course, he does,” Carson said. “Don’t you?”
“Well, I— Now, I don’t know. There ain’t nothing wrong with it. I just never really thought about it all that much.”
“Never thought about it? At the age you are?”
I scrambled for something that would sound reasonable. “It always seemed it would be too much trouble. I don’t know if I’d make a very good husband.”
Oscar laughed, and everyone turned toward him.
“Sorry. I’m just trying to imagine Jimmy as a husband, and I’m not quite sure that I can.”
I gave him what I hoped was an insulted look. “Well, now, that’s uncalled for.”
He snorted. “Sorry. It’s only ‘cause of all the smelly socks you leave everywhere and the habit you have of chewin’ on your fingernails.”
That was just—not even true. I did bother my nails sometimes, but Oscar was the one that left his stinky, dirty clothes everywhere, not me.
I arched a brow. “At least I don’t chew my food like a goddamn animal.”
Oscar narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms o’er his chest, and I realized we might be giving away more than we thought we were.
Tim looked back and forth between us with amusement on his face.
“Well, then, what about children? Most people want to carry on the family name…”
I made a face. “I ain’t never been all that fond of ’em.”
T’was the truth, although I’d really never been faced with dealing with any young‘uns for any period of time. It certainly wasn’t anything I felt I needed or wanted. I figured there were enough young’uns around on this here Earth that we didn’t need any more. And there were a lot of children brought into this world who weren’t cared for properly.
That was one other thing I loved about being with Oscar. Even though in my silly fantasies I might imagine having a child that looked like him, I was relieved that t’was something we’d never have to worry about. I expected there were too many children that had come along as the result of the love between a man and a woman that naturally produced them, when those people couldn’t afford to care for them or maybe even didn’t have the capacity to love them the way they should.
Chapter Twenty
A Birthday Party
It took the better part of a month to build our home, with Carson and Tim and Clarence and Irene helping when they could. Clarence was back working in town at the blacksmith’s shop, but he had weekends and evenings off and helped us out then.
We were truly blessed to have such friends, and I did begin to believe that God might have actually forgiven me for the things I’d done, even though I’d always regret them. The heaviness in my chest had eased, and the dreams had stopped. For once in my sorry life, I felt like I might be on the right path, if there was a right path for anyone. Everything did seem to be falling into place.
T’was exciting to watch our house go from a one-room kitchen with a stove, to a two-story house with a staircase and two bedrooms upstairs, and so much space downstairs that it almost made me dizzy. T’was a lot of hard, physical labor, but Oscar and I hadn’t ever shied away from that. Our muscles got thicker and stronger, and we felt good about helping to build our own home.
Carson and Tim had enough experience to know how to build a good house, and Oscar and I did as we were told—and learned much in the process. There were a few close calls, but nobody was severely injured or killed, so that was a blessing.
